Wednesday Nov 16, 2011 - Preston
I was going to go to the gym this morning, but I decided to start this blog, as it seemed the heavier lifting.
For the last few days I've just been in awe of how fully Cathy has just thrown herself into this marriage planning. Meanwhile, I was off to the cottage with the guys (our yearly men's retreat) over the weekend. They were all elated to hear I was (finally!) engaged and congratulated me and then they all started on their marriage woes.
It was a great opportunity to minister to one another but I must admit, hearing married men pine for the simplicity of a single life was not encouraging. Please note: They are all very committed to their relationships and adore their wives, but their frustrations were felt.
Also after fifteen years of enjoying the single life (I was married the previous eight years - no I'm not that old, I married very young) suddenly getting married again is a huge transistion. However, it's more than just suddenly sharing my life, my finances, my time, my decisions, etc., with another. It's a complete abandonment of my old way of life. A life I've known (and at times loathed) and been comfortable with for a long time.
You see, I would never have started going out with Cathy if it had not been for God. I never would have stayed if it had not been for God. I never would have proposed if it had not been for God. And she never would have agreed except by the word of God. God's hand has been all over this relationship since the get-go. He saw something we could not. He knew we were what each other needed, even when we disagreed with that accessment, even when our friends agreed with our God-desenting viewpoints (of course, it was the only viewpoint they were presented with). But we felt God's hand at work and we kept at it. So in essence, for me, this is as much a marriage to God as it is to Cathy.
As much as this upcoming marriage to Cathy alternatively thrills and scares me, giving my life over to the service of my Lord, trusting in Him to lead me, so I can lead my family, thrills and scares me even more.
For the last couple of days I've found myself retreating a bit into the old familiar ways. Seems harmless, but it's not. For my old ways are self-indulgent not God-indulgent. Old habits driven more by anxiety than faith. Too wrapped up in my own mind and not wrapped up enough in the world around me. It is a way of life I can no longer live. Not if I hope to enjoy the fruits of God's labour, or the love of an awesome woman.
It's a regression immediately felt by my beloved. Which led to a heart to heart talk yesterday. Her confidence is based on mine and I cannot be suddenly backtracking.
Ironically perhaps, my current situation was highlighted for me by finding a speaker system, asthetically designed to match my video game system and give it optimal sound quality, available online (it's not sold in NA and rarely available to import from the UK). Great! I could finally get it! But then the question 'Why?' Cathy is in the midst of wedding planning (me too) and I'm looking at this? Why? In the end, it's a toy. A distraction from life, rather than living life. It benefits no one, ultimately, not even me. So... Why?
In prayer this morning 1 Corinthians 13:11 came into my head. It was perfect, it was clear. Once again, God was leading me the right way. "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." ~ 1Cor 13:11 Fifteen years of single life have allowed me to maintain some of my childish ways. It's time I put them behind me.
I was going to go to the gym this morning, but I decided to start this blog, as it seemed the heavier lifting.
For the last few days I've just been in awe of how fully Cathy has just thrown herself into this marriage planning. Meanwhile, I was off to the cottage with the guys (our yearly men's retreat) over the weekend. They were all elated to hear I was (finally!) engaged and congratulated me and then they all started on their marriage woes.
It was a great opportunity to minister to one another but I must admit, hearing married men pine for the simplicity of a single life was not encouraging. Please note: They are all very committed to their relationships and adore their wives, but their frustrations were felt.
Also after fifteen years of enjoying the single life (I was married the previous eight years - no I'm not that old, I married very young) suddenly getting married again is a huge transistion. However, it's more than just suddenly sharing my life, my finances, my time, my decisions, etc., with another. It's a complete abandonment of my old way of life. A life I've known (and at times loathed) and been comfortable with for a long time.
You see, I would never have started going out with Cathy if it had not been for God. I never would have stayed if it had not been for God. I never would have proposed if it had not been for God. And she never would have agreed except by the word of God. God's hand has been all over this relationship since the get-go. He saw something we could not. He knew we were what each other needed, even when we disagreed with that accessment, even when our friends agreed with our God-desenting viewpoints (of course, it was the only viewpoint they were presented with). But we felt God's hand at work and we kept at it. So in essence, for me, this is as much a marriage to God as it is to Cathy.
As much as this upcoming marriage to Cathy alternatively thrills and scares me, giving my life over to the service of my Lord, trusting in Him to lead me, so I can lead my family, thrills and scares me even more.
For the last couple of days I've found myself retreating a bit into the old familiar ways. Seems harmless, but it's not. For my old ways are self-indulgent not God-indulgent. Old habits driven more by anxiety than faith. Too wrapped up in my own mind and not wrapped up enough in the world around me. It is a way of life I can no longer live. Not if I hope to enjoy the fruits of God's labour, or the love of an awesome woman.
It's a regression immediately felt by my beloved. Which led to a heart to heart talk yesterday. Her confidence is based on mine and I cannot be suddenly backtracking.
Ironically perhaps, my current situation was highlighted for me by finding a speaker system, asthetically designed to match my video game system and give it optimal sound quality, available online (it's not sold in NA and rarely available to import from the UK). Great! I could finally get it! But then the question 'Why?' Cathy is in the midst of wedding planning (me too) and I'm looking at this? Why? In the end, it's a toy. A distraction from life, rather than living life. It benefits no one, ultimately, not even me. So... Why?
In prayer this morning 1 Corinthians 13:11 came into my head. It was perfect, it was clear. Once again, God was leading me the right way. "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." ~ 1Cor 13:11 Fifteen years of single life have allowed me to maintain some of my childish ways. It's time I put them behind me.
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