Yesterday I was working away on my assignment and I find my self confidence has taken a real dive. I not sure if that is because of my recent break-up, due to having some aspects of my personality shoved in my face by the Winslow Profile Assessment and the current exercise or because I feel like I can stop 'trying' and let my coach deal with all my bad thought patterns. Perhaps, a degree of all of those.
One of the issues I'm currently grappling with is the fact that I'm not driven by a lot of traditional drivers. IE: I do not desire a big house, fancy car, or other pretenses of wealth. Sure a house would be nice, as long as I don't have to clean, fix and maintain it and the yard/garden/property. Sure a fancy car would be nice, but would it really bring me more joy? Not really. Sure dressing nicer would be nice but would that really change anything in my life? Not significantly.
Having money to travel and being free of thinking about lack of funds would be the biggest drivers for more money, but I wonder if that's really enough. Enough of a driver to counter the work involved in gaining increase. For example, would I want to bust my ass for months on months to achieve a standard of living than allows me to travel several times a year or, enjoy more leisure time day in and day out? Sure I'd love the traveling, but not really sure if I'm willing to sacrifice my daily leisure time to realize it. However, being free from lack of money would be awesome. But is being free from a lack of money, worth the cost of creating a lack of free time? Would I be happier having money but little to no time to enjoy it's benefits?
Largely I am a man of simple pleasures. Is that a bad thing? Part of me seems to think so, to find it non-ambitious. But is that merely a perception placed on me by society that's I've been conditioned to accept or is it a part of me, the lion in me, itching to get out? To stake it's claim on the world? To say, 'Look at me, look at everything I've done!' demanding the world recognize my greatness. But really, would doing that bring me more than fleeting joy?
I think real joy comes from selfless giving, and that's one thing financial success would allow me to do to a much greater extent, to give. However, signing a cheque is nowhere's near as exciting as being an active part of the blessing. To actually see the joy and hope come alive in someone's eyes as you're actually there.
So you see, different values are conflicting, leading me nowhere's fast.
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