It's 1:15am on Christmas day.
My life is a mess. I'm just drifting along. Occasionally getting a bit of fire in my belly but mostly just drifting. Idly letting life pass me by while I medicate myself out of this reality with whatever distraction I can find to fill my time. I don't have a plan. I don't have clear set goals. I do have a vision of who I want to be, but mostly all I do is try to distract myself away from the current reality. A reality that does not match my vision.
Dating my girlfriend is a painful blessing. Everytime I'm with her, I'm forced to look at myself through her eyes, and I find myself wanting. I'm just wallowing in my shit. Can't stand to even look at myself in the mirror. Which is good, because if I'm going to make any kind of change, I need to stop accepting the status quo.
Let me tell you, on one hand the status quo is fine, it's nice. Nice. Nice is a nice word for it. Nice. Not exciting. Not particularly interesting. Nothing to write home about. But it's nice. Pleasant. Mostly. Nice. God damn, I fucking hate that word. Used to be how I described everything. 'Oh that's nice.' 'The dress is nice.' 'What a nice person.' Nice, always nice. And that's how people used to always describe me, 'Nice.'
Nice is freaking devoid of any flavour. It's more vanilla than vanilla. It's sterile. Nice is purgatory. It's the place we goto to get out of Hell but are too afraid or too lazy to work our way to Heaven.
The great thing about having a 'nice' life is if it all goes to hell, I didn't fall very far. But that's as pathetic as can be. lol. It's like I've repeatedly said; Despite what 'the Secret' says, you will not attract the life you want, you will only attract the minimum standard you are willing to accept. And clearly my standard, is, or at least, up until now, has been 'nice.' I don't want nice. Nice just doesn't cut it anymore. I want a Rich life. Rich in friends, rich in health, rich in wisdom, rich in favour, rich in experiences, rich in romance and yes, although it pains me a little to say it, rich in money. Why does that pain me? Damned if I know. Hopefully my life coach will shed some light on that one.
Okay, clearly this isn't a Merry cheery Christmas message. You are probably wondering what went wrong with my Christmas that I'm being so hard on myself. Nothing, nothing really. Yesterday could have gone a little better, well, I guess which proper planning, a lot better, but as it was it was certainly 'nice' enough. And today will be, well, nice too. If I let it. I don't think I want to let it be 'nice' though. 'Nice', ack. Such a low standard. I hate it.
I know, I know, what you focus on you attract, I don't want to attract more of the same. I definitely don't want another Christmas like this. Nice. I want it to be Rich!! Lots of friends and family. Lots of laughs and joy. Lots of presents (without any thought of lack). Lots of music and fellowship. In a nice big house, large enough to hoist all my friends and family.
Yeah, this Christmas sucks ass!! Nice sucks ass!! That's a technical tech; ass suckaledge. I should not be here, in my apartment, alone, on Christmas early morning. I should be with my kids and my woman, asleep. But poor planning - from drifting - has lead me here by my own devices, and I go through it as if it's the world's fault somehow. It's not of course, and I don't go blaming the world. I just don't normally wear the blame either. But I created this reality and it's sub par. Sub par. It's not good enough
For the record, I was with my girlfriend and her son last night. Made them a nice dinner - lamb. Have my kids later today, seeing my brother and niece and nephew, spending the morning with her again before getting my own kids, then seeing my brother and his family, before coming back home to eat a Christmas dinner and then joining my girlfriend once again at her brother's for another Christmas dinner/party, at least for a while. It's not bad, not at all, it's really quite nice. But it's sure as hell far from great, and that, great, has to be the standard.
Let's see what I can do to make this day be Great!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Canfield Coaching - The Preseason - Day 1
As you may surmise from the title, I've finally gone and done it.
I've decided I need to either put up or shut up.
I've put my money where my mouth is, investing almost 5 grand in a life skills coach. Well, I guess I should qualify it as a year long coaching program, it's not like I'll have a personal coach with me every day for a year, and if I did, I'd expect to be paying at least ten times that amount.
However, I will have weekly conversations with my designated coach and am free to call up the coaching staff anytime (within extended working hours) to my hearts content. Which is really a great feature, because I can continue to bitch/whine/complain about lack of success all I want for a year.
lol
I laugh, because if that's what I'm doing, I'm sure to fail. I need to be taking decisive action not whining about a lack of results and I'm sure any of the coaches would be quick to point that out. However, it's comforting that a highly trained life skills coach is reachable for me to get feedback from and bounce ideas and concerns off of or even to help cool and constructively shape my occassional over exhuberance.
Okay, let's get to the basics here.
In line with the whole point of this blog, I will blog regularly on my progress, so you, dear readers, can determine if a Life Skills Coach is effective, if Jack Canfield's program in particular is, how I achieved my outstanding success, or at least, learn from my mistakes.
So it's important to let you know where I am, what the program entails, what goals I'll be aiming for and then we can determine, over the course of the near year (2011) is this is an effective tool to make change happen.
Where I am now:
Career: Good but uninspiring government job, have interview for new position early Jan. Have (often neglected) website: http://www.thecuphalffull.com/, currently well into writing two novels - a fiction - Dillon's Dilemma and an resource book (on success) as yet untitled. Own a rental property for added income (at least income in theory).
Wealth: Earning a decent wage but still living pretty much paycheck to paycheck. So income slightly < expenses with little to show for it too.
Romance: Having a relationship with an outstanding woman, but it's been filled with starts and stops thus far.
Health: Pretty good. I'm fit and quite healthy. Exercise regularly, eat rightish. Definite room for improvement though.
Happiness: Generally I'm happy but I do feel like I've hit the perverbial glass ceiling. I know I should be living at a higher level than I am. I have so much great knowledge to give, but you can't really give what you don't have. Who wants to listen to me talk prosperity when I'm flat broke? That annoys even me.
Relationships: This is in flux. I've definitely outgrown some people but havn't found replacements for them. There is a void here and I'm not sure quite how to fill it. I know I want to, but where to meet like-minded people?
Fun: Ahh.... did travel to the Maritimes and New York this year. Otherwise, I mostly play on my Wii (no jokes allowed) and internet forums for fun.
Where I want to be:
Career: Want to have my books finished and published. Want my website to be fully featured (forum, reviews, guest commentators, etc) and revenue generating. Want to be fully self-supporting.
Wealth: Want to be earning 1 million+/yr by end of 2011.
Romance: Want to really develop the relationship to it's full potential and (don't tell her) get married (shhh...)
Health: Add 10-20 pounds of muscle mass. Hit the gym regularly. Be 'fit'. Eat 'right'. Look like my fitness instructor girlfriend did a great job on me. Be inspiring to you.
Happiness: Be at the top of my game, living life fully, but also taking the time to really enjoy it too.
Relationships: Inspire and help my kids to be the best they can be. Have inspiring and engaging friends. Work with some of the best people around. Have a truly fantastic life partner.
Fun: Travel the world, go out regularly, play sports (not Wii Sports), learn to scuba dive and salsa dance.
What Jack Canfield's coaching program brings to the table:
I signed up yesterday, so I'm waiting for some stuff to arrive by courier, for an orientation call (next week) and for the first call from my coach (Jan 5/2011). I have some assignments to complete beforehand. So I'm calling this period the Preseason, as it doesn't actually begin until I talk to my coach.
They break it up into 4 parts. The Discovery where I fill out a bunch of stuff so they have a good idea of who I am, what's 'wrong' with me (my wording), where I want to be, and they can start formulating a plan to get me there. The Learning phase which is about 3 months of active coaching, once a week, with about 5-6 hours of work for me to do every week. And then the 2nd phase where I'm on my own, but can call in (as much as I want) for the remainder of the year, and need to give regular progress reports.
In a nutshell, they need to identify my limiting patterns (lack mentality, fear of irrelevance), break the cycle, help me reprogram my mind, organize myself efficiently, and work productively in an enduring manner.
This is a very exciting time for me. I really see 2011 now as a make-it-or-break-it year. I know all the theory, and now with a coach, I'm going to be sure to implement it. I will ever definitely (I used that word a lot today) changed my life for the better, or have to accept that I either really have issues or all this prosperity stuff is so much malarky. Obviously I don't believe that. I wouldn't have started this blog, what? 2, 3 years ago, if I didn't believe I could and eventually would become inspiringly successful.
So if you're reading this, when welcome aboard and watch how it happens. No one said it'd be easy.
I've decided I need to either put up or shut up.
I've put my money where my mouth is, investing almost 5 grand in a life skills coach. Well, I guess I should qualify it as a year long coaching program, it's not like I'll have a personal coach with me every day for a year, and if I did, I'd expect to be paying at least ten times that amount.
However, I will have weekly conversations with my designated coach and am free to call up the coaching staff anytime (within extended working hours) to my hearts content. Which is really a great feature, because I can continue to bitch/whine/complain about lack of success all I want for a year.
lol
I laugh, because if that's what I'm doing, I'm sure to fail. I need to be taking decisive action not whining about a lack of results and I'm sure any of the coaches would be quick to point that out. However, it's comforting that a highly trained life skills coach is reachable for me to get feedback from and bounce ideas and concerns off of or even to help cool and constructively shape my occassional over exhuberance.
Okay, let's get to the basics here.
In line with the whole point of this blog, I will blog regularly on my progress, so you, dear readers, can determine if a Life Skills Coach is effective, if Jack Canfield's program in particular is, how I achieved my outstanding success, or at least, learn from my mistakes.
So it's important to let you know where I am, what the program entails, what goals I'll be aiming for and then we can determine, over the course of the near year (2011) is this is an effective tool to make change happen.
Where I am now:
Career: Good but uninspiring government job, have interview for new position early Jan. Have (often neglected) website: http://www.thecuphalffull.com/, currently well into writing two novels - a fiction - Dillon's Dilemma and an resource book (on success) as yet untitled. Own a rental property for added income (at least income in theory).
Wealth: Earning a decent wage but still living pretty much paycheck to paycheck. So income slightly < expenses with little to show for it too.
Romance: Having a relationship with an outstanding woman, but it's been filled with starts and stops thus far.
Health: Pretty good. I'm fit and quite healthy. Exercise regularly, eat rightish. Definite room for improvement though.
Happiness: Generally I'm happy but I do feel like I've hit the perverbial glass ceiling. I know I should be living at a higher level than I am. I have so much great knowledge to give, but you can't really give what you don't have. Who wants to listen to me talk prosperity when I'm flat broke? That annoys even me.
Relationships: This is in flux. I've definitely outgrown some people but havn't found replacements for them. There is a void here and I'm not sure quite how to fill it. I know I want to, but where to meet like-minded people?
Fun: Ahh.... did travel to the Maritimes and New York this year. Otherwise, I mostly play on my Wii (no jokes allowed) and internet forums for fun.
Where I want to be:
Career: Want to have my books finished and published. Want my website to be fully featured (forum, reviews, guest commentators, etc) and revenue generating. Want to be fully self-supporting.
Wealth: Want to be earning 1 million+/yr by end of 2011.
Romance: Want to really develop the relationship to it's full potential and (don't tell her) get married (shhh...)
Health: Add 10-20 pounds of muscle mass. Hit the gym regularly. Be 'fit'. Eat 'right'. Look like my fitness instructor girlfriend did a great job on me. Be inspiring to you.
Happiness: Be at the top of my game, living life fully, but also taking the time to really enjoy it too.
Relationships: Inspire and help my kids to be the best they can be. Have inspiring and engaging friends. Work with some of the best people around. Have a truly fantastic life partner.
Fun: Travel the world, go out regularly, play sports (not Wii Sports), learn to scuba dive and salsa dance.
What Jack Canfield's coaching program brings to the table:
I signed up yesterday, so I'm waiting for some stuff to arrive by courier, for an orientation call (next week) and for the first call from my coach (Jan 5/2011). I have some assignments to complete beforehand. So I'm calling this period the Preseason, as it doesn't actually begin until I talk to my coach.
They break it up into 4 parts. The Discovery where I fill out a bunch of stuff so they have a good idea of who I am, what's 'wrong' with me (my wording), where I want to be, and they can start formulating a plan to get me there. The Learning phase which is about 3 months of active coaching, once a week, with about 5-6 hours of work for me to do every week. And then the 2nd phase where I'm on my own, but can call in (as much as I want) for the remainder of the year, and need to give regular progress reports.
In a nutshell, they need to identify my limiting patterns (lack mentality, fear of irrelevance), break the cycle, help me reprogram my mind, organize myself efficiently, and work productively in an enduring manner.
This is a very exciting time for me. I really see 2011 now as a make-it-or-break-it year. I know all the theory, and now with a coach, I'm going to be sure to implement it. I will ever definitely (I used that word a lot today) changed my life for the better, or have to accept that I either really have issues or all this prosperity stuff is so much malarky. Obviously I don't believe that. I wouldn't have started this blog, what? 2, 3 years ago, if I didn't believe I could and eventually would become inspiringly successful.
So if you're reading this, when welcome aboard and watch how it happens. No one said it'd be easy.
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