Canfield Coaching - Core competency

Don't have much time here today so I'll keep this brief.

One of the things I picked up from the Canfield Coaching materials is the concept of sticking to one's core competency.   Stick to what you're good at and the things you're not particularly good at or don't enjoy doing, delegate out as much as possible.  This is in like with other works I've been hearing about, and I decided to apply it.

I had a job I'd been hired to do (writing) which definitely wasn't my core competency nor was I motivated to do it, so I delegated it out, loosing some of the net worth of the agreement but still, getting it fulfilled (I hope, we have to see how this turns out) without it sucking up all my time and energy.

Next I want to apply that to my book - Dillon's Dilemma.  Getting someone else to work on finishing it, even if it means sharing writing credits and revenue.  Better it get done than remain undone.

As those two were my most pressing matters prior to the coaching call, and I had already answered my own questions, it didn't leave much for my coach to do other than confirm I'm on the right track.

This week the assignment is on time management, and for that I'm glad as that's an area I probably need a lot of help in. lol. 

Canfield Coaching - Goal Setting Part B

I could just erase the original blog post now, but I won't because I think it's important you see the struggles as well as successes.

Just as I was finishing writing that, my accountability partner called and after listening to me grip for a bit, reminded me my top value was God Faring, not Canfield Coaching faring, and maybe I should look to God for direction.  

Ironically, I already had.  I just hadn't liked the answer the Lord had given me.  Lol!  Often, I'll pose a question to the Lord in a bedside journal and in the morning, write down whatever first comes to mind which is often amazingly insightful (if I don't over-think it and just let it flow without my own mind jumping in).   I had already asked the question and the answer I got (which I had to check, because I'd mentally discarded it) was not to work on my novel, as I put down in the Canfield Coaching exercises but instead to finish my e-book in time for my accountability partner to use it to help promote her own work.  

To me, that was just a short term goal and since I don't know how I'll really make money off it yet, or really promote it, I didn't consider it as a 'breakthrough' goal as Canfield was asking for.  However, my accountability partner is right, God knows more than I do.  Really I want to see the whole plan, so I know why I'm bothering to do this now, but like a soldier on the battlefield, I don't know the plan, I won't know the plan and it's probably best I don't, so I just focus on what it is I'm doing right now.   I'm sure God will make more clear to me as I do as He instructs.

At any rate, setting that goal was a whole lot more fun and exciting than the novel.   It's something I can finish relatively quickly, looks to be interesting and engage me creatively on different levels (need a cover, and marketing).  The rewards, in whatever form they come in, will be much more immediate as well.

So many thanks to my accountability partner, I know she's reading this ( Love you! ) and of course to God for always providing me with guidance even when I'm a little to thick-headed to follow right away and need some extra encouragement (please help me to be more diligent in future Lord.  Love you too!).

So while it took most of today and good chucks of Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I got all my assignments done a day early again.  Whew!  Time for bed.  Later.  

Canfield Coaching - Goal Setting

Spent the better part of today working through all the goal setting exercises in the Canfield Coaching module.

The idea of goal setting is of course to
A) Determine what you want, clearly, and make is measurable
B) Determine what you'll focus on first and foremost
C) Break it down into individual steps
D) Make a daily action plan
E) Go!
F) Motivate and inspire you to pursue your goals

Well, I listed out my various goals (again, that's nothing new), and assigned dates to them (again nothing new for the major ones at any rate), and broke them down into individual steps.  Also nothing new, although I haven't done it quite to the extent Canfield suggests.

Am I motivated?  Oh hell... no!  Totally de-motivated by this exercise.   Looking at what I picked for my 'Breakthrough Goal', and all the steps involved, and work involved, and cost involved.   Four years of work, plus hundreds of dollar, plus more work to come up with those hundreds of dollar not in my budget, with of course, no guarantee of success and in fact, Canfield himself gives accounts of people trying and failing (only to try again and eventually succeed).   The thought of investing upwards of four years, plus spending even more money, after the five years and hundreds I've already spent trying to realize this goal, just is not exciting me in the slightest little bit.   In fact, it's making being a bum and just kicking back and playing video games while I cruise in my comfy government job, sound, oh, so appealing.   It's no wonder I did that for that last year.  I was burnt out.

Of course, I didn't pay all this money for coaching just to quit.  And really, I wish the coaching line was open at this time.... or is it?  Nope, just missed them.  Forgot they are on the west coast and there's a 3 hour time difference (or is it four because of Daily Savings Time?).   Regardless, I missed them, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get their feedback into my present mindset.

Canfield Coaching - My New Values

It took some time and dedicated effort but I now have a set of values that truly inspires and excites me.

As this is an important step and one you may benefit from as well, I will step you through the process I took and explain how I got to my current list of values.

First I just wrote out all those values that are important to me.  I did this based on what currently drives me, my current thoughts, actions and beliefs.  So this list reflected those values that I currently respond to and work towards.

I then took the time to put them in priority from most important to least.  This can be a difficult process as often it's hard to choose one over the other, but I merely took them, one by one and gave myself an either/or choice between the one I was working on and every other value on the list.  If I could only have one, which would I choose?  Which has won out in the past?  As long as the one I was working with won out, I stuck with it, if another won out, I'd continue down the list with it instead.  I continued this for each.

I was quite surprised by how some ranked. For example, my top value was honesty/integrity.  To be ranked number one meant I'd rather have people think I'm honest then love me, and I'd rather be honest than loving and responsible.   Did this cause me pain?  You bet!!  Brutal and often unnecessary honesty caused a lot of unneeded tension in my relationships. Obviously, I'm not promoting dishonesty, but this is fear-based honesty.  Some part of my subconscious deemed it necessary to tell the truth, almost at all costs, to avoid pain, but really this often created pain that simply didn't need to exist. Ironically, because of my major moving-away from values (pain) was 'people thinking I lacked integrity' and pain trumps pleasure, I would occasionally omit the truth, when, if by not doing so, would cause them to question my integrity.  If asked, I'd always admit the truth (as blatant lying would call my integrity into question even internally) but this is still self-defeating.  Now you might think that's normal behaviour but I was so tied up with maintaining integrity that I'd be hiding the truth, not because it might hurt someone, or because I had done something wrong, in most cases I had done nothing wrong at all, but the mere thought that what I had done could be misconstrued would cause me to want to hide it, then when questioned, admit it (even if it wasn't a loving or responsible thing to do), which just caused hurt or raised suspicion that I must be hiding something.   Talk about ineffective values alignment.

Next, I listed those things I moved away from.  Those things which drove me to take action to avoid them. I then put them in order as well.

So my initial list - showing what was driving me to act to gain pleasure or avoid pain came out as follows:

Towards Values                            Away Values

Honesty / Integrity                        Perceived lack of integrity
Love                                            Hatred
Responsibility                               Humiliation
Family                                          Anger
Spirituality/God                            Depression
Learning & Growing                     Loneliness
Health                                          Boredom
Respect                                       Uncertainty
Fun/Adventure
Creativity/Ingenuity
Contribution
Peace of mind
Intelligence
Financial diligence
Generousity
Security
Freedom

This is a very useful exercise to understand what's currently driving me and shaping my life but at this point it's not very effective for moving forward.  In the past I'd have taken the extra step of rearrange them into a more logical and productive order but that's about it.  And then I'd normally forget about them.  Why wouldn't I?  They were the values I'd been living everyday.

But this time, following Anthony Robbin's direction (in his book Awaken the Giant Within), I took it further.  I laid out what were the characteristics of the person who I aspired to become.  Then I asked, to become this person, are there other values, I currently don't have that I needed to adopt.  There sure was!!  One that dramatically stuck out was that I wanted to be successful (financial abundance, fame, recognition, etc) yet nothing in my current values aspired to that.  There were several others as well.

Then I looked at the expanded list and for each asked, 'If this necessary? What does it cost me to have this value? To have it here on this list?'  I removed a couple and reordered them in the order that would be required to most effectively drive me to become the person I had just described wanting to be.

In doing so I really challenged myself on certain ones.  Most notably, moving Spirituality and God Faring to number one.  Although I'm a little ashamed to admit it, there was a lot of resistance to this move.  However, after some debate it was very clear the pros of that move far outweighed the perceived negatives which really were all baseless fears, like I would lose my freedom, that I wouldn't have any fun, that I'd become a religious stick-in-the-mud.   Even as I moved through today, it became clear, that this was the right choice though.  Placing it as number one also allowed me to drop several other values, such as integrity and responsibility as leaving a life in accordance to God would necessitate those traits anyway.

I did the same for the 'moving away from list' taken out some things which, while unpleasant, shouldn't be discouraging me from taking appropriate action.

Lastly I wrote out what each of those values meant to me.   This was more productive than I initially thought it'd be, as it really helped to clarify what each meant and promoted me to merge/eliminate and even add some values to the list as the bigger picture of what they stood for, individually and collectively became clear.

What follows is that detailed list of my new values.  I was initially hesitant to put that here but what a better way to create leverage than to publicly declare what they are so people can hold me accountable to them?

Spiritual/God Faring – I seek both constant communion with my Higher Source (God) and to live in obedience to God’s will.  Drawing on God for a source of greater wisdom, greater strength, greater understanding and grace.  To read the bible (and other holy works) through to gain a greater understanding of God’s will.

Health / Vitality – To ensure my own health and vitality (and that of those around me) to enable me to achieve at the highest levels.   To exercise, eat right (nutritionally, sufficiently), be energetic (get enough sleep, vitamins), look after my well-being (be proactive in defending against illness, seek help and advice when needed).

Lead / Passionate – To not wait for others, but to take the initiative and act when need arises, opportunity presents itself or as prompted by God.  To make decisions based on what’s best for me and others.  To really believe in myself, my God and my goals, passionately with joy and vigor. To consider the bigger picture, to choose that which is best for all, to consider how my decisions and actions may affect others.  To do that which has the bigger long term gain or benefit.  To be aware of what other’s may hope to gain or lose.

Love / Compassion / Social – To love all and be compassionate.   To place a high value on love, making room for it in my life and giving freely of love.  To show genuine compassion and interest for others, including strangers and those who might be considered enemies.  To take an active interest in people and learn from them what I can.  To pour into others and be someone everyone would be happy to call ‘friend’.  For people are my second greatest resource (after God), and a seed planted here will reap me thirty, sixty a hundred times over.


Family – My family is my responsibility and I always look to provide for them, to help them to grow and develop and to provide a loving, nurturing environment.  To help my (grand)children (and nieces and nephews) succeed in life and to be a wonderful, giving, caring and fitting partner to my wife.

Literate – To use the gifts God’s given me to teach, enlighten and entertain as many as I can through writing, public speaking, creative initiative and use of various media to transmit a heart warming mission of hope, faith and success.   To touch people’s hearts, minds and souls with stories that provide a welcome distraction from their realities and provide them with the profound knowledge to improve their realities.

Fun / Adventure – To enjoy the hell out of life!  To look for ways to sprinkle joy in all I do.  To be entertaining and fun to be around.  To take vacations and travel, exploring new things and activities.  To partake of all that life has to offer (without killing or seriously injuring myself or others).  To be daring and adventurous, not afraid to take chances (smart ones).  To be bold but always with a smile and twinkle in my eye.  If life is a game, play to win, but also enjoy the game and help others to win too.

Achievement / Status – To always challenge myself to do more, to live a life that’s happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.  To be the living embodiment of success.  Fit, healthy body, financial prosperity, business acumen and development (of my creative ventures), to be known and respected for my works, to be able to reach more people because of my wealth and fame, to dress for success (look sharp), to own nice things (house, cars, toys, travel), have a dynamic and passionate love life and wonderful family life.  To be wise and learned.  To be a bright light in the world.  To show down-to-earth compassion and live a life of contribution.  To be an example for others.  Not to try to be superhuman nor perfect but to live joyeously at the highest level by moving boldly, confidently, and in alignment to God and my values.

Personal Development – To always be looking to expand myself, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, through education, exercise (not just physical) and coaching.   To always be learning and sharing.  To always keeping myself engaged and challenged.  To not settle but have fun expanding myself, my knowledge and my spirituality.  To keep an open mind to new concepts.  To remain current with the times, using what the world offers to reach and impact the most people, especially the young.

Contribution – Although this is written in throughout my values, to always be looking for ways to give back to the world.  To leave this world better than I found it.  To help others.  To teach, enlighten and entertain.  To use my time, money, fame and literary gifts to help the less fortunate.  To look for ways to leave a lasting legacy, with gifts that keep on giving. 

Next on my to-do list: Do the Canfield Coaching module on goal setting (now based on my new values)

Canfield Coaching - A Value-Able Lesson

As I look to (re)start a values driven life, I'm going through Anthony Robbin's Awaken the Giant Within, which has a great chapter on values.   Yes, I know you're probably more interested in Canfield Coaching, but despite the fact my coach got me onto redoing my values (see last post - Eureka...?) it's doesn't appear to be one of the things Jack Canfield teaches.  At least not that he had a pre-made lesson on in the coaching program or I've yet to come across in the book/tapes.

Now I have done a values exercise in the past few years, but amazingly, I haven't done it the Anthony Robbin's way.   This astounds me as I'd thought I read through and put this book into practise a few times already.  However, as I'm reading this chapter, which is late in the book, it's all fresh to me.  I know I read it at least twice or three times many, many years ago, but apparently not recently.   While I have picked up this book for review in the past few years, I apparently did not get this far in the book, nor read through it in detail when I last did value exercises.

The difference being, in the past, including just last September, when I did my values,  I would list my values and then prioritize them.  Robbins goes deeper than that.   He has you really look at your values in depth in comparison to what you want to achieve.   Are those the values that will take you where you want to go?  Do you need to adopt new values?  What do these values cost you (especially where they are ranked)?  To achieve your goals what would be the optimum values hieracy? What are the values that you move away from (Anger, fear, humiliation, etc.)?

For example, Tony Robbins originally had Passion as his #1 value.  I think it's evident that he's still a very passionate guy.  However, as he first put himself through this exercise, he realized that having passion as his #1 value had a lot of detriments.  For one, his Health (his #10 value) was suffering.  He wasn't eating properly or sleeping properly, working too hard, on the road too much, and making some poor decisions all while demanding his energy levels to be sky-high to be passionate.  He was running himself into the ground.  In his revised value hieracy, Health became #1 and Passion dropped to #5.  Freedom, his previous #2 value, dropped from the list completely.  He had all the freedom he could want, except the freedom to choose those things that might benefit him but trade off on his freedom.    While Robbins doesn't state it as a problem for him, I've met guys where their high value of Freedom is preventing them from having what they really want - a lasting and meaningful relationship.

Now I must admit, I have not, in recent times, deeply examined and revised my values to serve my longterm goals in such a way.   Why not?  Honestly I don't know.  I am shocked.  Perhaps subconsciously, I didn't want to.  

Tonight I'll be sitting down and really going through this exercise, so next post, I'll share my new values with you.

Canfield Coaching - Eureka...?

Last night was my second coaching call (that is, them calling me), and right off I started with a pointed question.

"I want to get myself to a point where I'm constantly living in a state of fear, that is, feeling scared because I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone, but how do I live in constant anxiety without regressing to old behaviours to avoid feeling that?"

After clarifying what I was asking my coach asked me what the difference between pro-active and re-active people are.  I gave him a dictionary correct answer but not what he was looking for.

"Proactive people work to resolve issues based on their values dictate.  Reactive people work to resolve issues based on what they are feeling."

That had to sink into my head but as we continued to talk it gradually made more and more sense to me.   Every other question I had, - "How to be more proactive, How to take more control, How to remain fix on my decisions and not change to suit other people, How to..." every one lead me back to values.  

If I clearly know my values, and live by them.  If my values define who I am, then all my decisions are based on those values.  Living accordingly, I would naturally be pro-active, I would naturally be taking more control, I would naturally remain consistant, because my values wouldn't change (maybe year to year but not day to day).    I realized all my decisions and actions were indeed based on what I was feeling, or trying to avoid feeling.   Which is why I sometimes procrastinated, often deferred to what others wanted (so they'd be happy and that would make me happy) and often moving from my position as those 'others' shifted in their desires and needs.   Everything was feelings based, on mine or others and feelings are no bases for firm decisions.

More-over, I USED to live exactly like that, values-driven.  At that time I was at my peak performance.  Turning accounts around from losing money to being the most profitable in Ontario, being a top sales rep - so good, the entire company mirrored my approach, motivating staff to peak performance, taking bold steps - even when it scared the crap out of me to do so, renovating my home, enjoying a great family life, and living very happily, with all the world of possibilities before me.  

So what happened?  My wife left, blaming my writing, my taking time for the kids and working late, etc., saying she felt neglected.    In my mind, living by my values caused the greatest pain and consequaint meltdown that I'd ever experienced.   Looking back now, I clearly see that was a false association.  While I had a pollyanna view of the marriage then, it was troubled from the get go.  We married very young, both came from poor childhoods and neither one of us was emotionally mature or stable.  She constantly sought joy of confirmation from outside sources, and with me doing so well, I depended on her as my source of joy less and less, which made her feel threatened and insecure.  There were other contributing factors as well.  

Did living by my values cause my marriage to end?  No.  Did it contribute?  In a way, it spend up it's downfall, but it would have fallen apart sooner or later anyway.   I was merely too blind to see it then.

However, because of that association, I'm assuming here, I never really lived a values-based life again.  I did do the values exercises from time to time, but always did it and put it aside and never really embraced it as I once had.  I never gave it much thought really.   Until now.

For almost 20 years I've wondered what I was doing then, to achieve the outstanding results I was getting, that I'm not doing now.   For the first time I have an answer that really fits.  

Once again I'm doing a values exercise, to determine, what now, are my top values and in what order, and what those values mean, specifically for me.   Once again I'm going to adhere to living by those values in everything I do.  All the goals I set, actions I take and thoughts I think must be in alignment with them.  My values define who I am.   With them clearly defined, then I can act in accordance.  Surely, definitely, proactively and acheive the results I've been looking for, for so long, once again.    I trust.

Canfield Coaching - Of Compassion and Complacency

I'm proud of myself for blogging here today, as really although it's my intent to blog on my progress daily as I grow with the Canfield Coaching, I really didn't feel there was anything worth blogging about today.

I will touch on a couple things: Compassion, which continues to be presented to me front and centre (not through Canfield Coaching though, just by life in general), is something I'm still very aware of and working on exercising every chance I get.   Part of that was to attend a union meeting to show support for a friend who's a union rep.   My friend stepped down as union steward, in fact all the union stewards stepped down and guess who was nominated?  Yep, me.    Go for a free lunch and to show support and end up a Union steward.   Personally, I've never cared about the union or had any issues I ever needed the union for but they needed another steward, I was nominated, seconded, thirded and given a lot of support.   Did I want the position?  No.  Did they all want me to do it because no one else wanted too?  Probably.  But I saw there was a need and people had faith in me, so out of compassion for others, I reluctantly agreed to let the nomination stand.  Fact is, I have the time and I am not relunctant to make a stand to management.   So I am a good candidate.   Whether this will help or hinder my upwards mobility at my current place of employment is uncertain, but I'm not sure that matters, as really, my goal is to leave it anyway.

The second topic I'm going to address is the always inherent danger of slipping into old unwanted patterns.  And over the last 24 hours I've seen some signs of that.  Saying you're going to quit doing 'X' is completely different than actually not doing 'X' (or conversely doing 'X' that you haven't been doing previously) consistently.  It's good to have this blog actually, as it in part acts as a self-honesty, accountability tool.

The love of my life, has also challenged me (and herself) to look for ways to add value to people.  Mainly though social media.    I have a Facebook account, but I barely use it.  But from today going forward, I'm going to endevour to use it to spread inspiring messages, respond to people's posts in inspiring ways, and to ask for feedback to issues to encourage the best of others to come out too.   I'll also look to add more people, and renew my use of my sister blog http://www.thecuphalffull.com/ to add value to people through that too. 

One of my biggest challenges at the moment is deciding what to focus on, as I have a lot of irons in the fire, but only so much time and energy to spare.   Do I finish my children's books?  Young Adult novel?  E-book? Website ambitions? Comic book writing? Romance building? Networking? Editing work? or just focus on self-development at the moment?   They all feed into my passions and end goals but if I'm to be successful, I need to give whatever I'm doing laser-like focus and not be all over the place.  So most of those wonderful things that I all want to do, will have to wait.

Hmm.... for someone who felt he had nothing to say, I sure said a lot.  :-)

Canfield Coaching - Man in the Mirror

Well, despite what the Winslow Analysis says and my own reservations I focused on and completed the various homework assignments ahead of schedule. 

Have had various realizations this week but ironically, most were not from doing these Canfield Coaching exercises.  They were more from looking at the Winslow and from other sources (I'm always reading up on self-help stuff and currently have three books on the go as well as lots of daily e-mails). 

One thing I am reminded of by Canfield's book/tapes is to 'act as if'.   To start living as if you have already arrived.   Obviously I cannot start spending money 'as if' but I can wear the mental and emotional attitudes 'as if'.   Feel the confidence and self-assure that comes from success, in advance.   That may seem a little silly but if you look at how most people succeeded, they did so by doing exactly this.   Acting as if their success was guaranteed, despite having no such assurances.

If I'm going to act 'as if' then one of the things I must stop doing is talking about lack, doubts, fears, or current troubles.   If I'm successful, then I think only of success.  Yes, lack, doubts, fears, and current troubles will always exist.  But I don't have to give them any power.   But speaking of them, worse, by writting of them, I grow them and confirm them.   If my success is assured, then while I still need to acknowledge the fears, doubts and roadblocks in life, I don't need to focus on them at all, or pay them any mind.   I don't want to look at the roadblocks, I want to focus on the way over, under, around or through the roadblock.    I don't need to speak of fear or doubt, just acknowledge them, they should be there (if they are not, then I'm not growing out of my comfort zone), and keep moving towards my goal.

So going forward I want to just blog on my successes.  That's what's important.  That's what will keep me motivated and focus and also help to motivate any readers as well.

As far as the Canfield Coaching goes - I've rewritten my affirmations (positive sayings I repeat daily to myself) and started doing what Jack Canfield refers to as The Mirror Exercise.   The Mirror Exercise is the habit of just looking at yourself in the mirror and acknowledging everything you've done right that day, ending with a 'I love you.'   While I know that's probably ackward for some people, to tell themselves they love themselves, I have no problem there.   I totally love myself.  Not always pleased with my performance, but I have a health love and respect for myself.  The act of regergitating all of the little 'wins' throughout the day in front of the mirror, I did find rewarding and encouraging.  I'm suppose to do it for 40 days, so we'll see how I feel by the end of it.    As far as the affirmations go, Jack again does make the process simple and effective, prompting me to put them to upbeat, empowering rhymes that I can recall quickly and easily and recite whenever I have some down time.

Canfield Coaching - Building Excitement

I've been meaning to write another blog on my progress here since immediately after the last post, but I've been keeping pretty busy, so this is the first opportunity I've had.  Unfortunately I fear I may have lost some key distinctions in the wait.

First off, let me say, I can feel the internal excitement level really starting to pick up.  As you can tell from previous posts, while I was in a solid mindset when I originally applied to Canfield's Coaching program, after New Year's disasterous performance, I was feeling like a bit of a whipped curr.  Actually, even prior to that, because I could feel things slipping away and was feeling powerless to stop it.  At any rate, it feels great to be back into a 'can do' attitude.  Really, this is where I like to live and am looking to set up permenant residence.

One of the reasons for my revised mind frame is the Purpose exercise I did.  In his book, Canfield laid how to define your purpose quite simply and effectively.  Of course, it helps that I already had a firm grasp of what I felt my life purpose was but still this exercise helped me to define it even better using those aspects of life I truly love.

My new Purpose definition goes like this:

Using my creativity and (com)passion, I will teach, enlighten and entertain people, helping them to live fuller, love deeper and know peace and joy through Christ(connection with source).

Now that is a simple and effective Purpose statement that I can really get behind.  It excites me and that's exactly what your Purpose should do.

I've also been listening to the set of audio tapes they sent.  It's merely Jack Canfield reading his book; The Success Principals, which I'm already reading, but I do find there's something unexpected in the listening to of the tapes.  They effect me differently.  Which reading I take a more cerebral approach to the material, digesting it and applying it to my life, but I find when I listen to the same material I have a much more emotional response to it.  I will identify with something said, and respond emotionally to it, getting sad (yes, that's me...) or excited by it.  I also wonder if I'm more of an audiotory learning than I'd thought.  At any rate, I'm finding it of great benefit.

I know Bob Proctor used to listen to tapes he had from Earl Nightinggale over and over and over again and even after knowing it to the point of being able to recite them, he still occasionally had 'Aha!' moments when something in life would happen, that corrolated with something in the tapes, and suddenly he'd 'get it'.  Not just intellitectually, but at a base gut level.   So I'm commiting myself to listening to these tapes over and over again, to ensure I am continually reminded of what I need to be doing and program it into my (thick) head.

I've also taken various steps to reshape my life.

I'm scheduling myself much more effectively and so far am amazed by the results.  I get a lot more done AND still feel like I have more free time!  What?  How is that possible?!  Because I'm utilizing my time much more effectively.  By scheduling my day (and prepping when needed) the night before, I get up running, knowing exactly what needs to be done, when, why and in what order.  I don't waste any time trying to figure out what to do next, or not sure of what to do next, I'm not just wasting time.  I'm just going.  It feels great and certainly a habit I want to enshrine in my mind.

I finally did what I said I'd do before my move - I finally semi-permenantly parked the car.  As expected, I'm simply not using it enough to warrent the costs of maintaining it.  It's a very basic and sensible decision but to be honest it was really painful for me.   I didn't realize how much pride was tied up in that modest vehicle.  It was a status symbol of sorts and one it turns out, I was loathe to lose.  It certainly does make me feel less of a man not having a car to drive around in.   I still own the car, but if I'm never using it, no one will see that.  Still, by parking the car, I save on insurance, gas, mileage, maintainance, parking, etc. and should save two or three hundred a month.   Money that can then goto other things like the gym, paying down debt and buying new clothes.

I'm getting back into budgeting my money, something I used to do to an anal degree, but haven't for a while as it bred a 'lack mentality' (as all I looked at all the time was who little I had to do anything with).   By cutting wasteful spending (eating out for lunch, coffees, video games I don't need, etc.) I can free up money for other things, giving me a sense of 'having' instead of 'not having' as now I have some money left in the bank when something of real value or need comes around.   To answer the question you're probably thinking, yes, I did do that before but I wasn't in as good as financial shape overall at the time.  So even cutting back everywhere, I still only ever saw lack.  Maintaining the house on my single income was really spreading me too thin.   Nowadays I create some of my own lack by feeding my little 'joy' impulses all the time.

Another thing I'm doing, having realized my false beliefs regarding other people, is working on changing my mindset from finding a way to achieve (alone) so I can show others the way, to working with others to achieve success together (as a team) so not only do I benefit, but so do they and then we can show others the way.  Changing my mindset from 'I'm not dependant on anyone', to 'my network is my greatest asset'.  Of course there is some validity in not overly depending on others but it's nonsensical to not work with others for our mutual benefit, or even to accept someone's help when offered (using common sense of course).

Otherwise I've been busy working away on my homework assignments, which have been somewhat eye opening but nothing major yet, although it'll be interesting to see what my coach takes from them.  Negociating a deal for some additional writing work ($!).  And spending time with those people who are important to me which is always a pleasure.

Canfield Coaching - The simply fact is, I don't care about you - but I should!

One of the most depressing but at the same time, relevant bits of information that the Winslow Profile Analysis revealed about myself is that I do not seek outside recgonition. 

Some of you may say 'well, what's so bad about that?'    In a way it's good that I'm not doing things for praise or to get attention, but the problem is, this is systematic of a broader characteristic:  I don't care about other people or to fit into 'society'.    Which is not to say I don't care about people at all.  I do!  But I am happy living my life and letting other's live their's and not feeling like they need to overlap. 

I put this to God, as to why, and the answer I got was a realization that, as a kid I was a bit of a social misfit.  This is partly because of my parents (being too poor to dress me properly and having some outdated and detestable standards of cleanliness) and partly my own lack of social networking skills.  Despite efforts at the time, I was usually the odd kid out.   The one no one wanted on their team (would have helped if my parents taught me even the basics of sports), the one that didn't fit into the school's social groups, etc.   Worse was the fact that no matter what I did I never felt that I could win my father's approval.

So in time, I stopped looking for any gratification from being with others, or in trying to please others.  I did my own things, had fun and 'didn't need anyone'.  I'm not a total social bore.  I'm good company at a party and will chat with anyone, but I don't really care if that person likes me or not.  I'm not looking for any social acceptance beyond being socially acceptable.   I don't really care about that person at the party at all.  I will likely forget everything they told me, including their name, within a couple hours.   That's a problem.  You don't build networks that way.    Why would anyone care to help me, in any way, if I don't display a sincere appreciation for who they are (prior to needing something)? 

It's always been easier for me to show compassion and a desire to help total strangers - in a class I'm teaching for example, or the namelesss and faceless readers of my blog, than to the aquaintences in my social circles.  To lessening degrees this goes to my friends (I'm not aware of what's happening in their lives mostly), my children and even my love interest (I'll know what's going on, but may not really 'care'.  'She's a big girl, I'm sure she can handle her issues,' is a typical thought.)

The more I learn to open up and show genuine compassion to others, and interest in others, the more I learn to love those around me, the more love will be poured back into my life.  There's a balance there of course, I don't want to get wrapped up in people's drama's, but that doesn't mean I can't become cognizent enough to be aware of their issues and offer a word of advice, encouragement or enlightenment.  Or even just to empathize with them and give them a hug.    That doesn't sound like a lot to ask, but from where I'm standing now, even that seems like quite the leap. 

Leaping...

Canfield Coaching - The connundrum of conflicting values

Yesterday I was working away on my assignment and I find my self confidence has taken a real dive.  I not sure if that is because of my recent break-up, due to having some aspects of my personality shoved in my face by the Winslow Profile Assessment and the current exercise or because I feel like I can stop 'trying' and let my coach deal with all my bad thought patterns.   Perhaps, a degree of all of those.

One of the issues I'm currently grappling with is the fact that I'm not driven by a lot of traditional drivers.  IE: I do not desire a big house, fancy car, or other pretenses of wealth.   Sure a house would be nice, as long as I don't have to clean, fix and maintain it and the yard/garden/property.  Sure a fancy car would be nice, but would it really bring me more joy?  Not really.   Sure dressing nicer would be nice but would that really change anything in my life?  Not significantly.  

Having money to travel and being free of thinking about lack of funds would be the biggest drivers for more money, but I wonder if that's really enough.   Enough of a driver to counter the work involved in gaining increase.    For example, would I want to bust my ass for months on months to achieve a standard of living than allows me to travel several times a year or, enjoy more leisure time day in and day out?  Sure I'd love the traveling, but not really sure if I'm willing to sacrifice my daily leisure time to realize it.   However, being free from lack of money would be awesome.  But is being free from a lack of money, worth the cost of creating a lack of free time?   Would I be happier having money but little to no time to enjoy it's benefits?

Largely I am a man of simple pleasures.  Is that a bad thing?  Part of me seems to think so, to find it non-ambitious.   But is that merely a perception placed on me by society that's I've been conditioned to accept or is it a part of me, the lion in me, itching to get out?  To stake it's claim on the world?  To say, 'Look at me, look at everything I've done!' demanding the world recognize my greatness.   But really, would doing that bring me more than fleeting joy?

I think real joy comes from selfless giving, and that's one thing financial success would allow me to do to a much greater extent, to give.  However, signing a cheque is nowhere's near as exciting as being an active part of the blessing.  To actually see the joy and hope come alive in someone's eyes as you're actually there.

So you see, different values are conflicting, leading me nowhere's fast.

Canfield Coaching - It begins

So last night I finally had my first official coaching session.  I had called the Resources line previously and talked to Gary (my coach, by happenstance, could have been any of the coaching staff) once already but this was our scheduled appointment.

It's only 30 minutes long and you can imagine that those 30 minutes go quick.  To summarize; He asked some questions to clarify some things I had written or that had shown in the Winslow assessment and gain a better understanding of me.   Because I already had a Vision and goals set, and my need was to break down limiting patterns, he assigned me the third module to work on.  

There are twelve modules altogether, available on the site.  Homework basically, to help ingrain the teachings into your life.  The first five are generally mandatory and the rest depend on your developmental needs.

I also committed to researching into some planners either paper or electronic to get myself organized.  I am starting to realize what a state of unprepareness I live in day to day.

Backtracking a bit. They did allow me to redo the Winslow Assessment.   The results were quite fascinating and at times surprising.  I haven't had time to dig deeply into it, but a couple things immediately showed up.

One - That because I do not seek recognition from others, I tend to come across as aloof and self-interested. This shows up in a lot of little ways.

Two - That I have an uncommonly low 'endurance' factor, the ability to focus and commit to getting something done and invest the time/energy necessary.   When I first saw the score, I was sure it was wrong, but as I read the description and thought it over, and more over, watched myself at work, I realized, sadly, how write it was.   If I have to do some 'boring' work, I have a hard time focusing and working on it.  I tend to very easily get distracted away, unless it engages me or I have a deadline.

It also showed that I'm perhaps even smarter (and more logic based?!) than I give myself credit for, and actually, I give myself credit for being pretty smart already.

So I bore easily, lack discipline and am not motivated to do anything to gain acceptance from others.  These are real stumbling blocks.    Looking forward to see what Module 3 brings.

Canfield Coaching - The Pre-Season - Day 14

1 Days to go before coaching starts.

Orientation today.  Quick, painless and mostly fruitless.  Except I asked about the issue with the Winslow assessment and was referred to leave a message for my coach, which I had, but since that can take three days for him to get back to me, I figured I'd better just call the coaching hotline, talk to any coach and see if I can get it resolved.

So I did and guess what?  I got my coach.  Great.  Had a nice chat with him, he was doubtful about them changing the Winslow, but referred me to the Coaching Manager, so I call the general help line to get them the CM.  Although I never spoke to them direct, they approved the request.  Great.

So it's happening.  And I'm ready.   My girlfriend left because she got scared, because I got scared, and when I get scared, I tend to back away, pretend I don't care.   Don't care about our relationship that much, don't care about life, or success, just happy playing on my Wii.  Yeah, real simple joy.  Don't need anyone.  Yeah, right.   I do care.  I care about her very much.  It hurt me bad.  That's why I needed to redo my assessment.  As much as I might try to lie to myself otherwise.  It hurt me real bad.

Specifically, she was scared because she saw patterns in me that I know have always been a concern to her and she finally concluded that they would not change. She decided that things were not going to work because she could not trust me to lead the relationship; did not think that I would be a good role model/father to her son; that I lack the confidence she's looking for in a man; that I was not spiritually mature enough to challenge her and pour into her life as she did for mine ; and because I was selfish.

Sad thing is, I cannot disagree with her.  Not as I am today.  Nor I have shown her any signs of growth for her to hold onto, and believe in.  I cannot blame her for giving up on me.

But I'm not giving up on myself.  I'm dedicated to this.  I'm doing it.  I'm changing my life and turning myself into the man we both want me to be.  Living the life I know I'm capable of.  Whatever it takes.  It's all or nothing here.   If I can't do it now, then I'm just going to have to accept being an insignificant cog in the government wheel, do my time, be with some woman who isn't in any way inspiring, get my pension and just shut the fuck up for the rest of my miserable life.   But I can't do that.  I can't accept that life.  That's not me.  That's not what God planned for me.  I'm better than that.  And so are you.

I'm doing this for every man and woman out there who's just like me.  Always dreaming of more but never quite finding it.  Always looking for the answer, for 'The Secret', any secret, to suddenly turn their life around and put the last piece in place so they can finally start living.  Living joyfully.  I'm doing this for my all my friends who are in the boat.  I doing this for my kids, so they can see that if I can do it, so can they.  I'm doing it for my (ex)girlfriend, because she wants to believe too. I'm doing it for me and I'm doing it for you.

If you are reading this right now, then you probably already know who I am, because I've already made it, and you heard I made it and left this journal of how I made it just for you.   This is where my story starts to get interesting, because it's not what you know, it's how you apply what you know.   I realize now, that studying all this from a book is much like learning French from a book.   You can study for years and have a great understanding of how to do it, but if you only ever practice at home, you're still going to suck at it.  If you really want to speak French, goto Paris or Montreal or better yet, into the countryside of France or Quebec where they speak no English and you have no choice but to apply everything you know, and learn how to do it properly, pronounce properly, use proper grammar, tense, verse, slang, etc.   Because until you're actually living it, you are just don't know it.   So this is me, mister self-taught master of success principals going out to live it.   And show it can be done.    I don't expect it to be easy.  I don't care.

It's now or nothing.  I'm jumping off the precipice and trusting God that I've learned how to fly.

I'm sure there's going to be struggles and drama.  Should make for a good book one day, but this journal here, this is the raw stuff.  The stuff I'm writing in the moment as it happens.  Good, bad.   Read on.  Enjoy.  Feel my pain and my triumphs.  And know this;  If I can make it, then so can you.   So can you.

Let me show you how.

Preston Squire  January 3, 2011

Canfield Coaching - The Pre-season - Day 13

Prior to talking to your coach - my first scheduled appointment is this Wednesday (two days from now), there are a number of things you are required to do.

To fill out a short Pre-assessment form which basically looks at how you've structured your life (setting goals, etc.)
To read the first chapter in Jack Canfield's book: The Success Principals - about taking 100% responsibility for your actions and life
To have an orientation on the website - This was suppose to happen last Wednesday but they called to cancel and reschedule because the person who was to do it was sick (as was I, so I didn't mind).   That's now scheduled for later today.
And to complete a personality assessment called the Winslow report.   I had to wait a while to get the required password to access this report, probably a longer than longer wait because of the holidays.  I originally completed the hour long battery of question that make up the Winslow report last Thursday only to be told that it was positively biased and I'd have to do it again.   This is not an uncommon result actually, but still is somewhat frustrating result.  At that time I was with my girlfriend, and while she gave no feedback at the time on my answers, after I got the result she did comment she felt I was overstating some attributes or understating some faults on it.   I assure you, this was not intentional, but could be due to a healthy ego.
I was sick on Thursday, but in a good mood.  Friday, I was feeling worse, and the day was a complete disaster (some times you are better off just staying in bed sick).  Saturday I was finally starting to recover
but felt the fallout from the disaster of the day prior, as my relationship ended (at least as of this writing) and I now had a monumental mountain of 'to do' items left from last year (much put off from my being sick for 3 days) and now all my 2011 goals.  It was pretty overwhelming, especially in my still weak state but I trudge diligently onward.   It wasn't until yesterday, Sunday, that the reality of Friday's fall-out began to really hit home and that I got around to finally redoing the Winslow report.
While I'm sure it's all completely automated, they still make you wait three hours to see your results.   The instant I saw them, I know three things: One, I really should have put it off another day at least as my mood at the time greatly influenced it; two, I really, really, need to leave my present work situation - my soul has shrivelled up and died there and any questions were I considered work aspects were thusly reflective of that.   This is not wrong mind you, that is reflecting a part of my current reality, but it is so not reflective of me in any other situation work or social.  And three: that I did not at all identify with the person reflected in this report analysis.  Neither the areas shown as strong nor those as weak reflected an accurate portrait of who I am.
It may well reflect my negatively bias mood at the time though.  But if my ego boosted positively bias assessment had to be rejected, so too does this negatively bias one.

Canfield Coaching - The Pre-season - Day 10

New Years Day

From a series of vivid, nonsensical dreams, I wake to find myself somewhere white.  It only takes me a second or two to identify the floor tiles.  I'm laying on my side on the kitchen floor.  Something cold presses hard against my lips, squeezing them up and over it's edge. Groggy and disoriented I slowly tilt my head to see it's a cooking pot.

That's right, I had gone into the kitchen to get a drink. I had only cracked opened the fridge door when a wave of nausea crashed against my stomach. I'd spun to the kitchen sink but it was full of dishes.  Quickly opening the lower cabinet door I had grabbed this pot.  My legs felt weak so I'd dropped to the ground ready to let my stomach contents fly.  

But I hadn't puked.  The pot was clean.  It appears I'd lost consciousness instead.

Considering it was some early hour on New Year's Day it might not seem like a surprising turn of event, but I was not drunk.  In fact, two bottles of sparkling wine I had bought to celebrate the turn of the new year still sat on my kitchen table unopened.  I had not partied with friends and family, nor I had not spent the evening with the most wonderful woman I had ever met as planned - that had ended around 4pm when she decided to break up with me; I had spent the better part of the evening alone at the hospital, desperate to fight off a fever that was now going into it's forth day with no signs of breaking.

As I fight to get up and finally get that drink of water, the irony hits me.  This is how I am bringing in the New Year.  Alone, in my tiny apartment, with no girlfriend and so feverish I was barely able to think straight.  My life is a mess, party because I'd been bedridden for the last 3 days but also partly because I allowed myself to live a mostly lackadaisical life, never having anything prepared until I suddenly had a need to or until I'd go an a crusade to change some aspect of my life, only to lose interest just when I'm starting to see success.

2011 was definitely beginning on a low note.  The one good aspect is it sets a benchmark for the whole Canfield Coaching that I'm about to embark on.