Day 80 of the Start Fast, Finish Strong Challenge

Okay, if you can add it's closer to day 85 but whatever, it's also time for my review so this is a nice way to kill two birds with one stone.

 There's been a couple of really good messages on the challenge lately (focus, branding), and some so so ones.

The biggest challenge at this point is Christmas.   It's an absolutely horrible distraction when you're trying to 'finish strong' and really makes you think twice about using the last 100 days of the year for this program.   Probably the first 100 would be a better option.

Okay, update on my various goals:

Health: Reached my goal Early!!  Well my initial goal, some time ago, but I lost a little of the weight and not regained it.   Not going to reach my revised goal (well, maybe, putting on weight around Christmas shouldn't be a problem...)

Relationship:  I am just about ready to call this one complete too.   Certainly should be reached by end of year.

Writing:  The chances of me getting a publisher between now and the end of the year are extremely slim to none and slim is boarding a bus.    However, this wasn't the most realistic goal in the first place and one I didn't really apply myself too.    Despite that I have made fantastic strides getting in getting it editted, getting an agent interested and am now working on revising the first three chapters based on editoral feedback (should have been done weeks ago) to send to the agent.    I am estatic about how good the revisions are coming along.   They are really making it a stronger book all around.

Website: Again, not the most realistic goal and nothing short of a small, gracious miracle will get me to my goal now.  However, again, fantastic strides have been made.  And again, this is a goal I didn't give as much attention as it really deserved or required.   However, to be honest, I really didn't know what I was getting myself into.    Running a website business is a FAR cry from running a blog.    There's SO much to learn and do and it'll take me months to really master everything.    It's also really hard to do it part-time while also working on other goals.     I now have a logo for the website.    Development is currently on slow while I concentrate on my book.

Finances: Ah... yeah.... Well... this one was always tied directly into Writing, website and investment.   Investment was put on hold long ago now because I need to have a worthwhile amount of cash to start with.  Writing and web have already been talked about above.    My biggest failing here really is a lack of focus on marketing my website.   And that's because of how I've structured my time.    When I do my web work it's not possible for me to be going onto social sites to market it.     When I could go onto those sites I'm too busy hitting the gym, working on relationships and writing plus normal day to day living.   So it's been overlooked.

Overall:   I must say, despite the fact that I may fall short of reaching all my goals, I have made tremendous progress in reshaping my life.   I am much healther, have a budding relationship with an outstanding woman, plus made super valuable friends along the way, my book is going from good to 'great' and I am very confident it WILL be published, it's only a matter of time.   My website is happening and really is a source of great pride and joy for me.  It will take some time, in the normal course of things, to build up and become substancial and really start to make me serious cash, but I don't doubt it'll happen.    It also needs to really establish a 'brand' and identity that seperates it from the crowd, but I do feel that is happening.   With a book going to be published and website business launching I can certainly see the day when all my goals here will be accomplished even if it hasn't happened within the initial 100 days.

I would really love to repeat the challenge but with fewer goals so I can actually have time to impliment the daily goals the challenge gives you.   As is, both my challenge buddy and I have felt overwhelmed by taking on 5 goals on top of already busy lives (especially now around Christmas).   I'm not sure if all the lessons will remain open to me once the challenge is over or if I'd have to pay again.  Hopefully the former.

Another 15+ days to go.   It is Christmas, the time of miracles so here's hopeing there'll be a Christmas miracle for me.

Epiphany

I had blog earlier about how it had (finally) occured to me that I might be a little bi-polar. 

Oh wait....

Upon closer inspection it appears I didn't.   Although after writing 'Hiding in the Closet' it occurred to me for the first time that I might be.   It runs in my family.

Wednesday I was feeling quite on top of the world.  By Friday I was feeling depressed.   What happened?  Nothing.  That's the point.   I had no reason at all for the mood change.   By all right I should still have been feeling great.

However, when I began to feel down I did what I always do, wonder why.  And that's when it hit me.  Fortunately I had just written about beliefs and references here.  I stopped looking for reasons to look sad and said to myself.  What if I just feel sad for no reason?   By looking for reasons to be sad I have inadvertantly been providing references for a belief that I had legitimate reason to be sad.  That is to say, issues in my life that were causing me to feel that way.   At times, of course I do.  We all do.   But not always.   Often I just feel sad for no apparent reason - until I go attaching some.

By realizing that the feeling of depression is merely that - a feeling - unsubstanciated but any cause - I free myself from fighting causes (that generally aren't actually affecting my mood) to just working to snap myself out of an emotional state.

Worse, because I spend time looking for causes and then putting my energy against them I end up using the Law of Vibration/Attraction against myself!!    Now I can just say to myself, 'It's just a feeling' and do those things that I know will put my back into a positive frame of mind (dancing, blogging). 

That may not seem like much in the bog scheme of things, but it represents a fundimental shift in my use of energy and of my vibrational pattern.   At least it will if I can continue to recognize the feeling as just that and not fall into the habit of justifying it.    If I can create a habit of immediately doing things to snap me out of negative feelings then it'll allow my vibration to remain positive consistantly (instead of the up and downs I now have) and that should diametrically increase my life.

Day 70 of 100 Day Challenge

I've lots to do so I'm going to try to keep this short however, it's been 10 days since I last posted how I'm doing on the 100 Day Challenge so let me bring you up to date.

I wish I had some terrific dramatic news but I don't however, I do have progress!

Quickly here:

Fitness goal - Off track at the moment but continuing.   Missed the last four days (only able to exercise at home not at the gym) but hit it the previous 3 days and will again today.   Not even sure of my weight at the moment.

Website - Wednesday was a great day.   I got two independant confirmations that what I'm doing on my website is being seen and matters! One by word of mouth and the other came to me in person to tell me how much they appreciated my posts.    That was really inspiring at a time where my tracking was showing no traffic and I was wondering if anybody cared at all.     Turns out my tracker broke somehow so I just reset it.

Otherwise I have been steadily working away at it doing a lot of the backend high level work of trying to decide upon colours and design, layout, functionality, talking to the IT and creative, getting a logo made, etc., while continuing to blog regularly.

Writing - Did I mention Wednesday was a great day?   I've gotten almost no work done on my book.  My laptop battery is near useless now, and barely worth even taking my laptop anywhere.   I have ordered a new battery.   However!  Turns out we are having some guest speakers at my new Creative Writing class including a Jr. Agent which deals with Young Adult Novels.  Boo-ya!!

Financial Independence - As always ties into writing/web.  Currently seeing a big fat zero from either but both are progressing and show promise.    The concepts behind the web are really starting to gel and I'm beginning to see how I'm going to really set myself apart from everything else out on the market.   It's all a matter of time and hard work.   God willing, things will fall into place quickly enough to make my 100 Day Challenge goals.

Romance - Things have finally stabilized from having three prospectives to one girl I'm seeing regularly.   Still early on this one but we have a great repore and respect for each other and things are progressing smoothly if somewhat slowly.

Thoughts on the Challenge itself.    The daily audio/video clips are becoming almost meaningless to me now as I'm pretty set in what I'm doing and not focusing on the daily challenges, at all.    Really, I'd love to repeat the 100 Day Challenge (hope I don't have to pay again...) with smaller, less grandiouse goals and work the Challenge goals a lot more to develop character.   As it is, I've picked such large goals I don't feel like I have time for anything else.

That it for now.

Coaching Conundrum

Jack Canfield's company sent me an e-mail with a special offer which linked to a website which, to make a long story short, was a front for his coaching program.

Now Jack Canfield offers perhaps the finest success coaching program around.   It's very organized, structured and I'm sure very, very good.

I had applied for it once before, about a year or two ago but was amazed when they turned me down.   Apparently being totally confident of my abilities wasn't a good thing in there eyes.  

Unexpectedly given the opportunity again, I had to admit, despite my confidence last time, I still was not living the life I desired. 

While I was (and am) taking the 100 Day Challenge I wasn't exactly working that program hard, despite having a challenge buddy (She needs to kick my ass more).   I am still working on the website, to be sure, barely touching my book editting at the moment,  making progress on a relationship with a truly outstanding woman (Thank you God!!), keeping steady with my exercises and nicely toning my body.  Heck, except for working on my book (currently need to do a query letter for an agent that's coming to my writing class), I'm actually doing pretty good...   But I really need to be applying myself a lot harder if I expect to generate the kind of results I want.   A lot harder.  A lot smarter and a lot more efficiently. 

Perhaps a Canfield Coach could help with that.

So I went throught the process, was approved and committed my $3,899.00 US.

What?!  Yeah, that's  a good chuck of change all right.  What does it get you?

A program to follow.   8 thirty minutes calls from your coach.   Unlimited access to their coach line for six months.   If you havn't had results after six months despite doing everything they asked, they continue to work with you free of charge.

The vast bulk of the work, is, of course, with you.   I had to commit to working thier program 30 minutes a day (about 5 hours a week), being called by or calling their coach weekly for six month.  Doing various exercises and reviews.  After all if you don't work the program, the program can't work.

Here's the thing.   I told my best friend and she reminded me that I am already an expert in the field. 

Honestly, she's right.    I've been studying personal development for over 20 years now.   I've studied the greats from Waddles, Hill, Carnagie, Covey, Robbins, Proctor, Nightingale, Zigler, Hicks, Canfield himself amoungst others, watched 'The Secret' multiple times, and attacked it from the religious angle through church, Osteen, Peale, and others.

I had no expectations that this coach would tell me any new insightful information.   I only expected him to remind me about what I already knew.  To put me on a program.  To hold me accountable.

Wait.  What?  That's when it hit me.   Why am I paying someone $4,000.00 Cdn to tell me what I already know?   To put me on a program I can just as well create myself or simply purchase Jack Canfield's book 'The Success Principals'  and derive from that?  To hold me accountable?  Why don't I just man-up and grow-up and commit 30 minutes a day to myself?  Review and coach myself?  And damn well pay myself $4,000.00.

So that's exactly what I'm going to do.  I've cancelled with Canfield and I'm going to take that money (from my credit card) and put it into my own (high interest) Savings Account.   There it will sit for six months, untouched, while I devote thirty minutes a day to personal development, review weekly and coach myself using twenty years of knowledge.   If I obtain significant results - minimum result would be to have earned an additional $4,000.00 and paid off the credit card. Then I'll move the $4,000.00 payment into my active chequeing account.   If I don't.  Then I'll give myself a money back guarantee and fully reimburse myself.

What do I have to lose?  A bit of interest and six months?   What do I stand to lose with Canfield's Coaching?  Six months and four grand.  Bottom line is if I don't work the program for myself, then almost certainly I wouldn't have been working it properly for them either.   I mean how accountable can a guy thousands of miles away hold you anyway?  It's not like he's holding my money for ransom.   It would be gone already, I would have nothing more to lose.

If I fail to work the program, maybe I'll make that one big charitable donation.  That would be a better incentive.  Earn $4,000.00 (and then get paid another $4,000.00 to do so) or lose $4,000.00.   Like most people, I'll probably work harder to keep what I have than to gain what I don't.  Except in this case, I'd be doing both.

Desire - Why you want it and 5 Ways to grow it.

Consider the story of the disciple who went to his guru one day and asked,


“Master, how do I achieve enlightenment?” The wise old guru directed

the disciple to the bank of the Ganges River and had him kneel with

his head over the water. Then the guru

put his hand on the young man’s neck and pushed his head below the surface

of the water. After a minute and a half the young disciple was frantic. He

pulled and heaved and flailed his arms, but the grip was like iron. He could

not get his head back out of the water. After two minutes, when it seemed as

though his lungs would burst, the grip was released.



The young man’s head

jerked out of the water and he took great gulps of air into his tortured lungs.

The guru smiled. “Tell me,” he gently asked, “ what was your greatest

desire just then?”



“To breathe,” the young disciple stated emphatically.



“Ah,” the guru said. “When you desire enlightenment to that degree, it shall be yours.”


Desire

This is where I, and most everyone falls short.
 
D.E.B.   Desire, Expectation, Belief.
 
For you to overcome all obstacles, particularly the ones we erect within our own subconscious minds, you must DESIRE something to such a near fanatical degree that you simply can not live without it.   Your life is incomplete and you cannot and moreover will not go on as is without it.
 
For most of us the only time we come to that degree of desire is when we fall deeply in love.   Suddenly we go from merely enjoying someone's company to be willing to 'climb any mountian, swim any ocean' to 'walk ten thousand miles' even to die for them just to have that person in our lives.
 
But why can't we have that kind of passion for those other things we really want in our lives? 
 
Well, we can.   However we need to develop it ourselves.
 
First you need to be crystal clear on your goals and why you want them.  If you need help with goal setting review this.

Second, don't worry about how.  God/the universe will take care of the How, you just need to be clear in what you want and why.

There are different techniques that can help to develop a burning desire but whichever one or ones you choose to use, you need to consistantly use it until it becomes a habitualized pattern.   Something you do as unthinkingly as having your morning cup of coffee.   You feel something is wrong when you miss it.

"We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence therefore in not an act but a habit."  - Aristotle
 
The Carrot and Stick

You can make a list of how achieving the goal will benefit you, your family, friends and society in general.  Make it as extensive as you can.   Choose the top 5 can put them on a note card.  Then make a list of all the negatives that will happen if you don't make that change.   Choose the top 5 and put them on the note card.
Review that note card daily.  Put it somewhere conspicuous so you see it all the time.

Visualize

Spend 5 minutes everyday seeing your life as if you have already accomplished your goal.  Really put yourself in that reality.   See it, hear it, smell it, feel it in your mind.   Be enrapured with joy.   You're subconscious mind cannot distinguish between reality and something intensely imagined (ever wake up be momentarily uncertain if it was a dream or reality or thing you did something but then realized you only dreamt it?).   If you continuously envision it, your subconscious will accept it and guide you there.

NLP

Neuro-Linguishtic Programing.  Like visualization taken a step further.   Envision your currently reality then see in your mind your desired reality smashing through that image. Just shattering it to thousands of pieces.  Make your current reality dull, muted, even black and white while your envisioned reality is bright, colourful and vibrant with energy and feeling.   Hold that image of your new reality in your mind for a minute then repeat 3-5 times.   This is a proven way to reprogram your subconcious mind.

Intend it

Expect it to happen.   Fake it until you make it.  Put yourself in the mindset that it's a sure deal that that reality is going to happen.  No ifs, ands or buts about it.   Doesn't matter what's happening in the present, that's merely the storm before the calm.  That future is already yours, it's set in stone, you have simply yet to arrive to it's shores. 

Matthew 7:7-8 - Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. (NIV)

As my pastor friend says 'If your going to pray for rain, you better be walking with an umbrella.'

I'll be expounding more or Expectation and Belief in future posts.

Day 60 of the 100 Day Challenge

While my Challenge buddy hit a mid-point slump and bounced back nicely, more motivated than ever (see her blog), I feel more like I'm trudging through the trenches right now.

My work schedule has been playing havok with my workout schedule.  I need to make some adjustments to my workout expectations, not my goals, but my thought that I'll get to the gym 6 days a week.   With the hours I'm now working that just isn't feesible.   So I'll have to plan to work out more from home and hit the gym whenever I can.

Editting my book is going really slowly at this point.   The only time I get to work on it is while I'm on the GO train and many days I've been having to drive in, denying me even that time.    Also, I need a new laptop battery as mine dies after only 20 minutes, really limiting my time I'm able to get work done.

Finding a love interest has been taking some very interesting turns, maybe I'll feel at liberty to discuss them at some point but am not feeling inclined to while they are live and in the moment.   While things have not progressed as one would hope, they are nevertheless progressing and may very well end up as planned.

I have been doing a lot of SEO (Search Engine Optimization) and studying the fundimentals of increasing traffic.  Also working on a colour scheme for my new site which should be in development shortly now that I have the money.   Also I have decided to offer free e-books (at least one by yours truly) to obtain the all important e-mail addresses of people (and drive more traffic to my site to collect the freebies).   Then of course use the e-mails to maintain a relationship with those people and generate more return web traffic.  My challenge buddy is also urging me to get on Twitter, which I hope I can automate as my agenda is already overflowing.

My last goal - becoming self-employed - is now almost entirely based off my website becoming money generating and my books getting published, neither of which looks to be happening anytime soon (although I'm still holding out for that).  

My website development and relationship goals are really eating up a disproportionate amount of time.  At least, far more than I had considered and eating into everything else.   I'm falling behind in many areas, my book, housework, e-mails (I have a backlog of 30 and growing), landlord issues, schooling,  fitness, etc.

Once I get into a steady relationship instead of dating that will become less burdensome or at least more regular and easier to schedule around.   At least, I sure hope so.    The website though is really feeling more and more like a fulltime career and while I won't have to repeat a lot of what I'm doing now, it'll remain a high workload.  At least until it's making enough money that I can hire staff.

That's not all bad, as I'm enjoying working on it, I just wish I was seeing quicker and far more substancial results being generated.  

Now this is sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself and truth be told I'm struggling to keep the enthusiasm up at the moment and been really struggling to even find time to visualize for weeks now.

But Cathy, and Gary Ryan Blair (100 Day Challenge) both reminded me in the last couple days that I need to be grateful and they are absolutely right.   Gratitude is essentional to success so let's see what I have to be grateful for:

I have a wonderful tenant that has not only allowed me to be free of financial stress but also ease the burden on my currently unemployed ex and our kids.

Just got a large sum of money!

I am in terrific health, in fact, possibly the best fitness level of my life.  I have been hitting the gym regularly and seeing rewarding results.

I got my book editted by a professional and it's getting better and better.

I'm learning a lot and continually enhancing and refining my vision for my website.  It's coming along and I'm excited by the possibilities.

I have met many outstanding people, many of which I'm sure will remain excellent friends.  I feel truly blessed to have such high quality people in my life.

My son has started working and is helping his mother out further relieving pressure on her plus she's discovered due to a change in rules she now qualifies to EI and will have more money coming in.

I set a goal earlier this year to collect a large library of Wii games without any financial hardship and due to increased income and diligent shopping I've been able to do exactly that.   It's a trivial thing, made more trivial by the fact I've hardly had any time left to even play on it, but it was a fun and relatively easy goal even though when I made it it seemed out of reach.    To be honest, I haven't been appreciating my Wii game library properly.   It seems kinda like a waste of money as some games have barely even been played (although I'm buying them all for $10-$30 and it's not hard to get that much value out of any game in time) and it doesn't really add to the quality of my life.    However on the flip side, it is a testiment of my ability to reach that goal, one I was passionate about, even if it's silly, and it has brought a lot of enjoyment to myself, my family and friends and others I've been able to loan games to on a long term basis.

The same can be said of having found a great tenant.   I spent considerable time and money getting the basement back into shape and it's looking better than ever.   Now that I have a stable tenant I have sort of forgotten about that (and still have some work left to do that keeps getting put off) but that was another successful goal completed brilliantly and I certainly need to show more gratitude for both of those completed goals (which are both also ongoing).

I have many other things to be grateful for, my job which pays well and allows me considerable free time to work on things like this blog, my house and car, my college course (another complete goal!), of course my children with whom I have a great relationship, my friends, and my Awesome God who continually blesses me and constantly reminds me how much He loves me.   And so much more.

So there.  I think I've just helped restore some enthusiasm right there as I look at the awesome goals I have completed while I work towards even more ambitious goals, goals that really excite me, still in the works.

40 days left.   I started really fast having the month of October off and now it's time to finish strong!

A New Chapter - er - Article - in my Life

Well, this is a first.

I have occasionally taken a blog post I wrote for this blog and transferred it over to my self-help site http://www.thecuphalffull.com/ (formerly PrestonsPearls.com) after some slight editting.

Today though I'm doing the opposite. But in a way I'm not. I've written the following article not for my own use at thecuphalffull.com for for my friend. However I did post in on my own website and why not?

As this makes the first time I've written an article in this manner I thought it would be worth noting here as well. I have had other articles published before, notably from anonymousemployee.com, but this is the first done with a hope of driving traffic to my website from other sites. The first of (what I trust) will be many, many such articles (mostly reprints of existing blog entries).

Hopefully, this will help to raise the profile of my site. Can't hurt, it's virtually non-existant now (I do get 1-2 visitors per day).

Pushing Through to the Next Level
By Preston Squire




When the Student is Ready, the Master will Appear.

I met Active Image President Cathy Morenzie at a very fortuitous time. She had just started the Start Fast, Finish Strong 100 Day Challenge and prompted me to get involved too. I had already decided to get more serious about my health and had recently joined a local gym. So when I signed up for The 100 Day Challenge I made one of my goals to put on ten pounds of muscle mass.


That may not seem like a lofty goal but I had tried for years to put on weight, including going to a gym for a year in my thirties and working out with weights while drinking high protein weight gain shakes in my twenties and had only ever managed to gain five pounds at most. For better or worse I was one of those people who could eat like a starving hippo and remain remarkably slim.


Cathy was kind enough to give me a fitness evaluation and set me up on a workout routine. After that I was on my own. During the fitness evaluation Cathy did mention something that really stuck in my head.


Aim to Fail


The mistake most people make when lifting weights is they tend to lift what they can successfully manage. In other words they'll successfully do two sets of curls with thirty pound weights (for example) when they should really be pushing themselves with thirty-five pounds weights even though they may not be able to finish their sets. If you're able to complete your sets, especially easily, then you're not gaining any muscle mass. Your existing muscle mass is up to the challenge and has no need to increase. It's not until you push yourself beyond your (mental) limits, that you tear your muscles and they need to grow back bigger and stronger.


A Strength Greater Than Ourselves.


I also quickly discovered that so much of physical fitness was really mental. As soon as my muscles began to ache or feel weak I would think to myself, 'Ugh, I'm done' and my body would correspondingly respond. Cathy made me realize I had more in me and if I wanted to see results, I'd need to tap into that and push myself beyond those preconceived limits.


So now when I'm about to do a challenging set, having increased the amount of weight or one I had really struggled with previously, I say a quick prayer, asking God to do for me what I can not do for myself. To give me the physical and mental strength to complete the set. As I pray I visualize the body I want and see myself not only lifting the amount I'm about to do but even more.


Am I magically endued with enough strength to lift whatever? No, of course not. I do find it helps considerably and allows me to push myself harder than I would otherwise. Once I really start to struggle I mentally pray some more for added strength until I finish the set, until I'm completely unable to do so or until I feel as if continuing might prove harmful. It doesn't ultimately matter if I finished the set, what matters is by pusher harder and going further, I achieve better results.


And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
-Matthew 21:22




Results so far have been very promising. Half way through my 100 Day Challenge and I have already successfully put on ten pounds and seen a significant improvement in my build. I have also consistently increased the amount of weight I'm using in my exercise routine, in some cases doubling the amount I started with. However, to be completely honest, I was at a conference for a week, and while I did strive to maintain my workout routine, I think the abundance of free food probably assisted with the weight gain. I would guess a couple of those pounds don't quite quality as 'muscle mass'. However, that's still eight pounds in fifty days with fifty more to go. Consequently I have risen my goal adding another four pounds to my intended weight gain and reaching what I consider as an ideal weight.




So whether you are trying to lose weight, gain muscle or just maintain good health, when you want to push yourself a little bit harder and achieve those results but feel there's nothing left, remember Isaiah 40:31


But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

©Preston Squire 2009

Preston Squire is an author devoted to providing free inspirational, motivational and self-help materials. You can find more articles by Preston Squire and others at http://www.thecuphalffull.com/

Day 50 of the 100 Day Challenge

Wow!! Half way to the finish mark. Time to review and see how close I am to my goals.

I have 5 goals for this 100 Day Challenge which are:

Get my books published
Be earning $1000.00 a month from my website
Put on 10 lbs of muscle mass
Become financially self sufficient
Begin a relationship with my future wife

So I'm half way to the end of the challenge, am I half way to achieving my goals? Let's see.

I hired an editor to review my book, Dillon's Dilemma. She's finished and I am now in the process of revising my book based on her feedback. However, that is progressing very slowly. At the current rate of speed I will not even have it ready to show anyone for months to come. However, if I can get the first three chapters done, that would be enough to entice an agent.

I've done a lot of studying for my website, gotten someone to help design/build it for me, renamed it, have ideas for logos, colours, theme. Need cash to progress. Starting to market it through facebook, forums. Currently make no money but only need 100 people to earn $1000.00. It's doable but I need to get the word out more to drive sufficient traffic. Also need more disposable income to advance website.

This is the area where I am having the most measurable returns having already put on 8-10 lbs. It's hard to say that's all muscle mass but most of it is. To be certain I'm now shooting for another 5 lbs (175 lb total).

Book is moving forward and that could dramatically increase income. Website is progressing and that could significantly increase income. Stock market trading has been studied and put on the back burner for now until I have sufficient cash to invest. Lots of potential but zero realized. Need to start generating measurable results.

In hindsight, I wonder if this goal wasn't a mistake because it requires outside forces that I have no control over. Regardless, I have been actively dating and meeting many wonderful woman. Again, a ton of potential but little realized.

I need to be more structured and disciplined in my approach. I need to set more short term targets and aggressively work to meet them. I need to become more serious and focused. I also need to have more fun doing all of this because sometimes it all (even dating) feels like a chore and there's no passion in that.

At this point I do feel I'm behind in some, ahead in others. Finding a book publisher by Dec 31 (originally Nov 30) seems very unlikely but certainly remains a possibility.

Earning a thousand a month off my website also seems unlikely since I'm still at zero but certainly possible with some aggressive and successful marketing.

Being financially self-sufficient will depend on the two previous.

Weight goal reached and extended! Need to improve diet, and consistancy. Also switch up program.

Romance is really difficult to measure since I have no crystal ball to see who my future wife will be. I may have a relationship (of a sort) with her now! Or I may not have even met her yet. The search continues.

Day 45 of the 100 Day Challenge

Almost to the mid-way point and I'm hitting a real lul. Yesterday was my worst day for the entire Challenge thus far having only worked on one of my five goals and ignoring all others. To be far there was a lot of emotionally intensive things going on and I mentalled checked out afterwards but I think the important thing here is the overall loss of momentum I've experienced over the last couple weeks.

Momentum is great once you get it going but it can be very hard to maintain over a long dry period when you're not seeing the results you're hoping for.
Which is why it's always great to surround yourself with other upbeat and optomistic people. However, currently many of mine are also facing significant challenges at the moment. Even my challenge buddy is currently feeling off key and she didn't do any better than I yesterday.

Once lost it's harder to build momentum back up again but there's no point in mopping over that. It's natural to have your ups and downs and even the every best of us won't be performing 100% every day. The idea isn't to never have a downturn, although that would be a nice ideal, it's to not get discouraged when it happens. That's the time to really show what you're made of, roll up your sleeves, dig in your heels and carry-on.

According to Anthony Robbins, 90% of people quit just 10% away from achieving success. I don't know if it's true. I'd wager most people quit a lot further from the finishing line than that. Hell, a lot chuck of people quit before the race even begins! Regardless, a lot of people DO quit just prior to making it.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

There's truth in that saying as no one goes through life without meeting adversity. For some reason the greatest adversity always seems to come before ultimate success. Many allow it to deter them, a select few choose to see the opportunity the adversity provides. They do not allow failure to deter them, in fact, they relish the failure because they see it as a stepping stone to success.

Even without failure, a general lack of results can be disheartening and discouraging. A good way to help avoid this is to set a lot of goal posts along the way. When you're only looking at the end result it can seem impossibly far away. For example, if you were to drive from New York to LA and be stuck behind a slow moving truck the entire way, then when you went to check your progress it could be really disappointing to see you're still days away. However, if you've set small goals along the way, you can take heart in reaching each one. It may be behind schedule (and another part of the trip you might go faster than expected) but it's a surefire sign of progress.

Keep setting daily goals for yourself. Measurable goals and put them in order of importance. Likely you won't achieve them all but even if all you get done are one or two, and since your prioritized they are the most important one or two, you're still going to feel pretty good about it.

Also remember the past doesn't equal the future. Just because you haven't had any luck finding a job or a lover for the last three months doesn't mean you won't find one today or tomorrow. However, if you allow those three months of disappointment to affect your attitude then you could be setting yourself up for failure.

So what if you're off track, things haven't gone as you planned and you've met failure (or at least lack of success)? Welcome to Life 101. That's how it goes for each and every one of us at one point or another. Be grateful for what you have, envision your goals even more (I know you don't feel like it), really rekindle the fire and KEEP moving.

You can bet I am.

Hiding in the Closet

"You lack drive," she said.

"What?!"

"You have this wealth of knowledge, you feed on it everyday, like an I.V. into your bloodstream, yet still you move so slowly. I'm sure you're going to make it, eventually, when you retire maybe, but you should be bursting at the seams with all the positivity you have."

She's right.

So what's holding me back? While Sigmund Freud's theories may no longer be in favour, he is right that our adult behaviour is often an echo of our childhood.

When I was a young teenager I started to suffer from depression and anxiety. I rarely ever speak of it, rarely think of it, but years of my life were lost in that black abyss. My mother was bi-polar and was heavily medicated for the entire time I knew her. They took me to a psychiatist of course and medicine was prescribed but I refused it. It made me happy alright, but only on the outside. I'd be smiling and playing while still feeling like I wanted to cry. That lie was more painful to me than living the truth of the pain I was in and finding a way through it.

The world seemed so overwhelming at times I would lock myself away in a closet, often for hours on end. Alone with just my thoughts and the occasionally unwilling cat. Talk about being in a dark place in your life. My external situation matched my internal. All darkness and gloom with just a sliver of light beaming in to suggest there was hope out there somewhere after all.

Ironically, the closet that frightens most children gave me the most comfort. I felt safe there. No one to bother me. No one to introduce some new stress to my life. I could relax and try to sort through my feelings.

It became an escape and a crutch. Whenever problems arose instead of dealing with them, I hid. I could no longer function in society at that time. School was simply too much for me too handle and although I went as often as I could, that became progressively less and less. Depression was consuming me.

Finally, fed up and out of ideas my father evicted me (he might have tried listening to any of the myriad ideas the experts kept suggesting to him but my father was a stubborn and shortsighted man. It was his way or the highway). Suddenly I was forced to deal with the world. Not in the limited way of a child but in the very real way of an adult with no one to depend on but themselves. And with no closet to turn to!

What happened? I rose to the occassion, brilliantly. I found shelter, found a job, found better shelter and continued to get promotion and promotion and better accommodation. Met a sexy young slip of a girl from Trinidad and married her. Discovered Anthony Robbins and began dramatically increasing my life. I had gone from mental slavery to success!

Until my marriage collapsed, then I went right back into depression and had to work my way out. Now I had two young children depending on me and a strong desire to straighten myself out so I could save my marriage. The latter never happened but I did get myself back on my feet and proved be a productive father and eventual single parent.

I continued through life, successfully if not as passionately as before until I reached my goal of obtaining a government job, a house of my own and living a happy if limited existence. I was never fully content to remain there, knowing I could do more, should do more, was meant for greater things but although I was pumped full of success thinking, I remain lackadaisical in my approach. Lacking drive.

Why? Because I was right back in that God-damn closet!! Only it was a lot bigger now, consisting of a nice house, a comfortable civil servant job, a selection of good friends and a hobby of collecting movies or video games. Plus the occasional woman but they never seemed to last. That may not sound like a closet. Hell, that's where a lot of the world stops and settles down but it's still a comfort zone that I've grown accustomed to and don't really want to tread out of. It's safe, sound and secure and as long as I limit myself to it then the world doesn't bother me and I can be alone to sort through my feelings - which I spend far too much time doing, as well as helping others with there's.

Doing the 100 Day Challenge as really pushed me into finding this reality.

Question is now what?

In order for me to be truly successful, the 'closet' has got to go. As long as it's there, the temptation to return to it, whenever life doesn't go according to plan, will persist. It's like a trap I keep falling back into. And since I'm surrounded by people at work doing the same thing, it's easy to accept. Thank God I've surrounded my self with people who are also success driven and who won't let me sit peacefully on my laurels. Do I quit my job? Sell my house? Cut off some of my old friends? Then what?!

Then I would finally get my book published, get my website really going, buy a bigger house and maybe find a nice wife to go with it and be right back in an even bigger, roomier closet but a closet all the same! The question I'm facing right now is how to make my life comfortable without becoming trapped in a comfort zone?

I'm Back & Day 31 of the 100 Day Challenge

While it was unavoidable, last week was unfortunate as far as my 100 Day Challenge goals go.

The hours were rather brutal with meetings going from 8:30am until 10:30pm some days leaving virtually no time for anything else. The only thing I managed to find time for was hitting the gym and only twice at that.

So since my last report I really have nothing to report as gains for any of my goals and my relationship goal is now back to ground zero.

If I sound frustrated I'm not. Not even about having to start fresh with finding a 'soul mate'.

I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.
- Thomas Edison

Creeping doubt is one of your worst enemies and I have been struggling with it myself as we all must do.

I was listening to an interview with Helene Hadsell an 80+ year old woman who has used the Law of Attraction to obtain outstanding results in contests winning a house, two cars, numerous trips and a ton of other things.

The interview was a sales pitch but they revealed a lot of nuggets of wisdom. One of the most basic but fundamentally important is not allowing doubt to creep into your mind. It must be rebuked at every turn. One person used an elastic band on their wrist and gave themselves a good snap every time a doubtful thought entered their head.

I love how Helene phrased her method, 'First you Select what you want, then you Project it, then Expect it and finally Collect it.' Select, Project, Expect, Collect, utterly simple in concept, though very difficult in execution, at least at first.

When we visualize, powerfully, emotionally, consistently, we set the gears of the universe in motion on our behalf. However the instant we allow doubt to creep into our minds those same gears come to a screeching halt. If we catch and rebuke the doubt the gears will begin again. However the longer we indulge doubt the more those gears dissipate until they are gone and you are now creating a new reality based on your own doubts and fears.

Of course the world doesn't revolve around mere wish fulfillment, it requires dedicated action but your predominate thoughts also affect the actions you take. If you are totally confident you are going to succeed in something, if you 'know' it, you act very differently than you do if you don't believe that you can accomplish the goal. You take totally different actions. The first is powerful and purposeful, the second weak and half-hearted.

Let's look at Helene Hadsell for a second in this regard.

If she wanted to win a trip to Europe she would seek out contests where the prize was a trip to Europe. She diligently paid close attention to the rules and ensured she followed them to the letter. (When was the last time you diligently studied the rules for a contest? Probably never.) Once entering she would dedicate time to visualizing herself winning. To aid this she would become familiar with the prize so she could clearly see herself there (or in possession of it). She emotionally placed herself there, feeling the excitement and joy of winning. At no point did she allow doubt to enter her mind. She expected to win. She simply knew she would.

Did she? Not always, of course not. But she never let that deter her. God's delays and not God's denials. She merely rolled that vision over into the next contest. Accepted that it wasn't the right one for her to win to feel her joy, or that someone else had wanted it more, but always 'knowing' that her winning the trip (or prize) was assured and if it didn't come from this contest, it'd come from the next. Consequently she's won far more than mere odds would allow.

Another gem she gave was that most people, when they visualize success do it in an excited/anxious way. They are hopeful to win, they really want it, they're really praying for it and optimistic God/the universe will deliver. However that's a different feeling from the grateful tranquility of 'knowing' that God/the universe has already delivered it, you have just yet to arrive. The first is constantly bombarded by doubt, clawing at the seams of your faith, ripping it every time something seems to go against you whereas the second is doubt free. It simple is, there's no question it'll happen, as long as you create the opportunities, God will provide the answer. You don't know when or how it'll happen, just that it'll happen. Period, no ifs, no ands, nor buts.

The same thing is true in relationships. We all know that already but we sure as hell don't always act like we know it. How many of us, myself included, like to wallow in the loss of what we had. How many of us like to put ourselves down and tell ourselves we're not good enough, somehow, to find a wonderful person to be with. How many like to pretend there's no such thing as a good person, that all men cheat and all women lie. Many of them do yes, and possibly every one you're been with but that's because that is your expectation. Maybe not originally but from the moment you got burned the first time, you started associating that with the opposite (or same) sex and drawing more of the same into your life.

I know God has a wonderful woman lined up to be my wife. In fact, I know that he has a multitude and even if I screw it up the first time, there will be another, and another. I look forward to meeting her and living a rich and rewarding life with her. And I know she's coming sooner rather than later and that fills my heart with joy. So I'm not frustrated, no. I'm glad the false attempts are being discarded so that I can step towards the right one, in confidence that it's closer and better than ever.

Same goes with my other goals. I've lost some time and some focus but I'm still heading towards them, still working towards them, still confident I will arrive.

Day 24 of the 100 Day Challenge and I'm off for a week

I wish I had some dramatic news for you today but I don't. Been keeping very busy however there's been no change to the status quo on any front. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes change happens overnight but usually it's the result of tireless effort, a little bit day by day compounding over the weeks and months into something substantial. So the important thing is to not lose focus. On that front I must admit, there are days where my focus has not been as sharp as it needs to be. Especially when life comes crashing in unexpectedly and sidetracks all your plans.

Therefore, I'm now spending 30-60 minutes every morning praying/visualizing. Thanking God for everything I have and for the realization of all my goals.

For the next week I'm out of town at a conference and I'm not sure I'll even have internet connection, let alone time to blog (or do much to progress on any of the 100 Day Challenge goals).

Day 20 of the 100 Day Challenge

Gary Ryan Blair of the 100 Day Challenge talks about making a quantum leap. He defines a quantum leap or leapfrogging as "An advance from one place, position or situation to another without progressing through all the stages inbetween." An example being going from a bank teller to a Vice President in one year.

He argues if you leverage the knowledge and experience of others and act as if success was assured you can leapfrog over all the intermediate steps that people normally have to take to get from one level of success or being to another much higher level.

As soon as I saw that I told my challenge buddy that if anyone in the world should be able to make a quantum leap it ought to be me. I am a self styled expert in personal development having read dozens of books, movies, audio messages, videos, etc. on the subject. My mind is literally stuffed full of wonderful advice that I generously share with my friends and on my site http://www.prestonspearls.com/. So that was my goal, to make a quantum leap and she was to hold me to it.

However, as one might imagine, as time progressed on, I did not have much to show for it despite working towards the majority of my goals on a daily basis. I began to wonder if it was possible, or at least possible for me. If it's possible at all is another question, as I must admit I've never heard of anyone doing such a thing.

Today though was a great day.

Two very significant events happened that have restored my enthusiasm and confidence in leapfrogging forward. The first was my book editor finished and handed in my completed book. She has been very encouraging and insightful. She has also blessedly ripped the crap out of my book. I mean that both figuratively and literally. It's painful to see big chucks of ones work scratched out but one flaw of all writers is that we tend to fall in love with our characters and settings and want to add too much about them. In other words, add more than is strictly necessary to move the story forward.

The second event was that my website http://www.prestonspearls.com/ has now officially started to be developed into a full blown website and not merely a blogspot blog.  Articles and reviews will be broken out into areas of their own, apart from my blog, a forum will be added as well as some free downloadable content and more.

Apart from that this week I took a two day training course in stock market trading.   Studied how to make a successful content website, added a few blogs to http://www.prestonspearls.com/, and received a fitness routine from my friend who is a personal trainer.  Heck, I even did some modeling.

The only goal that hasn't distinctly moved forward to realization is my romance goal and while it's progressed, there's nothing definitive to say there.

If I can get my book published (and sell well) and turn prestonspearls.com into a money generating site then I should be able to quit my day job and work full time on writing and blogging!   Getting paid for what I love to do and having an unlimited potential income.   That's my quantum leap.   From civil servant to self-employed author/blogger.

We'll see how close I am in another 80 days!

Day 11 of 100 Day Challenge

It's hard to believe that just two weeks ago I was wondering what I could possible do to fill my 3 weeks off work, that would further my goals. I was worried I'd end up wasting the time. I couldn't see what would require to me need 8 hours per day for 15 days to make it happen. For at that point I had nothing planned at all, no goals set, nothing but this spiritual prompting to that the time off.

Now that I'm here, at the start of the time off, I think exactly the opposite. That there isn't possibly enough time in the 3 weeks I have to get even half of what I want done.

I have a manuscript to re-write, a website to redesign/ promote/ create partnerships for, college homework and classes, gym workouts, stock market trading materials I'm studying, outstanding maintenance work for the apartment I've rented out, plus I'm trying to find a new steady girlfriend which requires dating and getting to know different women until I meet one that really clicks.

I'm not sitting around wasting time. I'm not walking in faith. I'm running!! I'm spending my whole day, working towards my goals and I tell you there's never enough time for everything. I'm beginning to wonder if I've bitten off more than I can possibly chew. Certainly I'm at the point where I need to prioritize and plan out my goals now to ensure the most important ones get the attention they deserve.

100 Day Challenge - 10 Days In

It's been a while since I've blogged. Fortunately, it's because I've been keeping myself busy trying to achieve my five 100 Day Challenge goals.

One of those goals is to find a way to really improve my other blog, prestonspearls.com and start generating a significant income from that site.
Part of that, necessitates blogging though so I'm committing myself here to at least 4 blogs a week on each site. Although, not all of those may be mine. I am hoping to have some guest bloggers who offer some different perspectives or venues of self-help be it fitness, finances, coaching or what have you on prestonspearls.com. It wouldn't make any sense to have guest speakers on this blog, naturally.

So, what have I accomplished in 10 days. Not as much as I would like. Old habits die hard and life has a way of constantly crashing in on your plans but I do have some results:

Regarding the blogs - I have one person helping me to learn better network marketing techniques and another to redesign/build a proper website for me. I still need to fully grasp what that will ultimately look like. I'm starting to look at other comparable sites (some of which I will be partnering with) for ideas.

Regarding getting published - I have hired a professional writer/editor to review my book and give me feedback. I've done some research and learned in today's market, at least in Canada you really need an agent. Few publishers will even look at a writer without an agent.

Regarding being financially self-sufficient - Both of the above tie into that, but also I've been looking into trading on the stock market and getting some help with that. Gone to one seminar and going to a two day training session soon. Also getting some research material that I'm studying. Another avenue I'm looking into is selling my blog articles to print magazines or perhaps writing an e-book to sell on my blog.

Regarding putting on muscle mass - I've gained 3-4 lbs and some noticeable muscle size on my arms and chest. Nice! On Wednesday I'm getting some professional coaching from my challenge buddy who is a personal trainer. Thanks Challenge buddy!!

Regarding romance - Well... Let's wait until I have something really concrete before I go sharing anything on that front.

Also I stumbled across the most amazing find. The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattles. It's out of print and public domain. Therefore, it's not worth it for anyone to promote this book since they can't sell it. However, this is the book that Rhonda Byrne spoke of in the beginning of 'The Secret' and is one of the original sources that brought about today's self-help industry.

I've just finished reading it and if you're ready to accept what it says as fact, I'm sure you'll find this a very powerful read. It has already altered many of my perceptions in life. Amazingly, the website I downloaded the .pdf version of the book from has pulled it just days afterward. I was able to find another here:
http://www.soilandhealth.org/03sov/0304spiritpsych/030412.Wattle.Getting.Rich.pdf

I'm now on vacation, although this is a working vacation as I intend to use the time off to fully pursue my goals. Specifically, to help make what Gary Ryan Blair of the 100 Day Challenge calls a 'quantum leap'. To go from the merely existing comfort level I'm at now to truly living the life I want. I don't think I'm going to become rich in a month, but I do hope to have set the foundation for it to happen. God will do the rest as long as I keep moving in faith.

Well That Didn't Take Long - 100 Day Challenge

It's only the next morning and already I'm feeling overwhelmed, over-committed and demotivated.

What happened to all the 'rah rah' can do spirit? That nasty thing that likes to disguise itself as 'reality' has slipped into my consciousness which it's mountains of data disproving such things are possible and the haze of the future where the way cannot be seen.

Already my day is full, and I still have to do more goal setting exercises which I can see where I'll find the time let alone working on the goals themselves, plus my other commitments like college and kids.

But I am not going to allow myself to be so basely deterred. This is not 'reality' that I'm hearing. Reality is make I make it. Sure my current reality is I work for the Government of Ontario but only as long as I chose that reality. Right now I'm choose to step into a new, strange and unfamiliar reality, and it is daunting.

What I'm hearing is my own subconscious paradigms struggling to retain their current status. Remnants of a childhood where my beliefs where instilled in me by the world around me before I was old enough and wise enough to decide truth for myself.

The 100 Day Challenge asks you to start your day with a bang. Jack Canfield in his article on Goal Setting (see Prestonspearls) advises to do the biggest, most challenging task first and get it out of the way so the rest look easy. So instead of allowing this feeling of defeat to overwhelm me instead I took a step towards getting my book published. I'm eating eggs for breakfast - something I almost never do, to increase my protein intake.

Achieving my goals will not require a massive amount of increased work, but it will require a massive change in my daily habits. It will require a massive shift in my mindset, a commitment to excellence, to boldness, to persistence and to faith.

I'm listening to Joel Osteen as I write this and he's preaching exactly what I need to here right now. Ultimately, my success is not about me. I am just the conduit. It about allowing God to flow freely through me, running in faith, boldly, to glorify Him. In other terms, asking the universe, clearly, consistently, specifically for what I want and then accepting - when I don't understand, when it scares me, when it's outside of my comfort zone. Typically, we want to feel like we're in control but if you want massive change you cannot continue to run the ship the same way as you always have. You have to learn to let go and let God.

100 Day Challenge

A friend of mine send me an email about Gary Ryan Blair's (GoalsGuy.com) 100 Day Challenge (www.startfastfinishstrong.com).

This was an amazingly timely happenstance as I had just recent been introduced to this friend and had (totally unbeknown st to them) taken the month off October off work for the very purpose of repositioning my life.

Let me back tract a second.

It had been weighing on me for some time that my current place of employment was stagnating me and that I should take October off to make some significant changes in my life. Problem was, I didn't know what kind of changes. So I procrastinated, and even planned to take time off earlier but it the spirit was just on me to wait until October. So I resisted taking time off in September when I could have used it for some renovations I was doing but continued to procrastinate about taking October off.

What would I do? What if I do nothing and just waste a month? Why do I even feel this way? Why is this idea in my head? Is it Divine or just me?

Finally, last Wednesday when the feeling was still persisting I decided to take a leap of faith despite my anxiety. My office has a staff conference in the third week of October and there was no getting out of that but I requested the other three weeks off to the surprise and slight dismay of my immediate superior. She was a little skeptical it would be granted but she allowed me to send it to the Regional Manager. The Regional Manager called me immediately upon seeing it, but once she was satisfied I would be present for the Staff Conference signed off on it. Once she did a sense of peace washed over me. I just felt I had done the right thing but still was totally unsure of why I was even doing it.

This is simply the way it happens sometimes. If you are persistently envisioning or praying for something then you had better be prepared to receive some strange compulsions to do things that A) will be outside of your comfort zone and B) may make no sense to you. Follow them. You've got to learn to trust in forces beyond your understanding (God).

So I have a month off. I know I need to use it somehow to make some fundamental changes in my life but have no clear idea how.

Suddenly here's this 100 Day Challenge for the last 100 days of the year. What perfect timing. The basic concept of the 100 Day Challenge is to get you to Set specific goals and take tremendous action (To inspire, promote and celebrate excellence). Perfect. After looking it over I immediately signed up, cost notwithstanding as this was exactly what I needed to ensure I maximized that time off. Even better, my new friend was taking it too so I would have someone to support, motivate and monitor me and vice versa.

The program starts you off with a bang. That is to say, a ton of material to go through and a large goal setting exercise component. I'm still going through it.

But I have set 5 goals for the 100 Day Challenge which I'll summarize for you for you too, my reading public, will act as my motivator and monitor too.

1. Get my already complete books published
2. Put on 10 pounds of muscle / tone my body / establish healthier eating
3. Develop my website/blogs into profit centres
4. Be earning enough money from my own sources (writing/blogs/etc) that I no longer need my 'job'
5. Meet a wonderful woman who greatly enhances my life and vice versa and have a strong, passionate and healthy relationship with her.

So, now you can follow me as I stop living an average life and start applying everything I know after 20 years of success to create a truly compelling life by the end of this year. Or worse case, learn from my mistakes. But this is the test. This is where the rubber hits the road and the I finally put every I preach about into hard practice.

And you have a ring side seat. Welcome along for the ride. And remember, if it worked for me, it'll work for you.

Tossing Anger out the Window

This is one of those subjects that I'm always torn about when it comes to this blog.

How much of my personal life do I really want to reveal for public scrutiny for the rest of my life and even possibly beyond?

However, the whole point of this blog is to show the very human side of someone who's made it big. To show that successful people are really no different than you are, dear reader, except in the way they choose to organize their thoughts.

Anger is not an emotion most people associate with me. I'm a very calm and cool natured guy. Every few people have ever seen me angry but when I do lose my temper I tend to be loud and intimidating.

It's not a trait I've ever appreciated but for most of my life I was just of the opinion that 'that's me'.

Well it's not actually.

Technically, it's my father.

My earliest childhood memory is of being 3 years old. We had just moved into a new apartment and I was walking out of the kitchen and into the adjoining living room when I walked right into my father who was coming the other way.

I stopped abruptly, looked up and saw him scowling down at me, annoyed.

That in itself was no big deal, but what jumped out at me, even then at that tender age was my immediate thought.

"Oh no!! I've bumped into the Big - Bad - Monster!!"

He was not my father in my mind, he was just a monster that roamed the house and occasionally yelled at me or beat me. For some reason, it occurred to me then and there that this was indeed my father and shouldn't a father be thought of as a loving person and not a monster?

Now one of my ambitions in life was to be nothing like my father and for the most part I feel I have succeeded in that endeavour. However, my anger issue is really just a childhood learnt behaviour. A behaviour I adopted from that very same 'monster' despite the fact that it put an irreparable gap between him and I. So why am I continuing it?

I was talking to my ex-wife the other day and I asked her, from her perspective, what was the main reason she never wanted to get back together with me. Let me stress, I've no interest in getting back together with her either but I wanted to see what she would have to say to identify my own charater flaws and improve on them. To my surprise her answer was my temper.

Obviously it had to go. The realization that it was part of a subconscious paradigm that I had developed as a child, and learnt from my father, helped me to realize that it was not 'just me' at all. In fact, being an angry, inconsiderate ass, is in no way, shape or form part of my internal self description of who Preston Squire is.

The only way to get rid of a subconscious paradigm is to write over it with another paradigm, a new code of conduct. NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programing) or visualization is the usual suggestion of Bob Proctor, Tony Robbins and other success-based speakers but for more immediate and powerful results I find the most effective course of action is self-hypnosis.

I'm not getting into a discussion on hypnosis here, suffice to say I have used it before to great effect.

So my new code of conduct that I'm trying to implant goes something like this:

Anger is an invalidation of self. It goes against everything I identify myself as being.

The only possible response to someone who is upsetting me, a disagreement, or other situation that makes me uncomfortable is love, compassion and understanding. For the only reason someone else would be doing anything that would be making me feel uncomfortable or upset is because they themselves are uncomfortable or upset because of something that I am doing. Therefore the only way to permenantly remove this issue is to listen acutely to that they are really saying (reading between the lines) and help them to find a resolution to put them out of discomfort that works for both of us.

Such a person may need to be complaced with love and compassion before they will be willing to accept my help and I'll have to show that I can understand where they are coming from (even if I don't agree) so they will be willing to allow me to help.

But once I've helped someone to be free of their pain they will love me for it.

I see it like the difference between the man who, when an angry lion comes roaring, bashes it away with the biggest stick possible and the man who sees past the roar, calms the beast down with his demenour and removes the thorn from it's paw. The lion will either retreat and resent or attack the first man but it may give it's very life for the second who had shown it such kindness.

It's still early and there's been no serious challenge but so far results from this approach seem to be working very well for me.

Mental Shift - Tossing Lack out the Window

Wanted to take a moment here to comment on something. A profound change that has occurred in my life this year.

Before I used to manage my money right on down to the dollar. I knew where every dollar was spent and projected where every dollar would be spent. As you might imagine, life very rarely followed my budget. Unexpected needs would always arise and I would always stress on where the money for that was to come from. Many times I was going into deficit and things would be put off endlessly waiting for money to become available, which it never did.

The biggest change occurred right at the beginning of the year when the people I rented my basement out to were unable to come up with rent money, yet again.

Having these tenants stressed me considerably because I was depending on their money to pay my bills and I never knew when they would get the money to me and how much they would have.

The realization came to me that according to Law of Attraction you always attract more into your life of whatever you think and feel about predominately. While I was visualizing and focusing on getting more money, my predominate thoughts were of stress inducing LACK. That had to end.

So almost counter-intuitively and acting in faith, I evicted my tenants when they didn't have rent by the required date. Sure they may have come up with the money in a few more days but wondering that would cause me stress. And the stress had to go. I also stopped budgeting my money despite being in a definite deficit situation. Instead I just walked in faith that the money would take care of itself.

You are probably thinking I am a complete idiot and this thought certainly occurred to me more than a few times. Now to be clear, I didn't become Polly-Anna with my money, spending it willy nilly. I was mindful of my amount I had and tried to spend accordingly. I made some rearrangements of the finances to ease the situation. However, when there was something that was needed, I bought it, even though I knew I didn't have the funds for it. I didn't fuss over it, I just walked in faith that the money would come and focused on having enough.

So have I suddenly become rich? Not materially, no not yet. But this has given me great peace of mind. I no longer fuss over money. For much of the time, unexpected money did come in and my finances were not as devastated as I would have thought, although my debt did increase significantly.

By the time September can, I was so at peace with my finances that I was able to sign up for a college course and a gym membership without feeling any tightness about where the money would come from. Shortly after I signed up for the college course I found a new tenant for my basement - which had been empty for the entire year by choice. Since I had become quite accustomed to living in my smaller budget (although I was in deficit most months), the additional income from renting out my basement now seems huge and more than sufficient for these added costs.

What I want to impress on you is that I had never in my life taken a college course and had only taken a gym membership once for a year because of the cost factors involved. I simply believed I couldn't afford it. And as I believed so was my reality.

I am now doing both and no longer in deficit although my total income has not changed from what I had at the beginning of the year. I have freed my mind from thoughts of lack and become a freer and richer person because of it.

Wedding Planning

My fixation on finding someone continues unabated. Outside of work it seems all of my time has been taken up with this agenda. Meeting women, chatting with them, responding to messages, talking on the phone, trying to find the gems amongst the rumble which is no easy task.

The woman I spoke of last time is certainly a rare gem but that's no guarantee of success in and of itself. Still, it's always a pleasure to find one and I continue to explore that possibility.

I was meditating on finding that certain someone when it came to me to start planning the eventual wedding. I don't feel that thought was my own but one that was given to me and along with it the realization that by focusing on my wedding plans, it would keep me focused on the end result (and not the immediate results which are often disappointing), positive (because I'll have to force myself to think positively whenever I engage in wedding planning) and passionate since that's what I really want and it'll be fun to really make it come true even if just in the confines of my mind.

It also forces me to set a date which is always a must for any goal. If you have no date to aim for, then it can just drag on and on, inching forward and occasionally retreating and still be seen as progress. Having a set date forces you to do more, risk more, focus more in order to achieve the result in that time limit. It also states to the universe (God) when you want to see results. There's no guarantee you'll achieve your goal on that date, God's delays are not God's denials, but you'll be a whole lot closer than if you didn't. However you must treat them as immutable for them to have an effect.

The other great aspect about planning a wedding is that it forces me to visualize it in extreme detail. Right down to the flowers, decor, invitation cards, cuff links, etc. The more often, the more specific my visualizations, the more passion and excitement in visualizing the more rapidly the universe will respond.

The only real problem is I can't tell anyone. Well, I have told my good friend because she understands the Law of Attraction. In fact, she's a very powerful influencer with it. Many times now I have seen her use it to create results and more than once I have ended up somewhere, had the very distinct feeling she was somehow responsible for my being there and upon investigation found it was something she had been visualizing on my/our behalf. So I put her to immediate work visualizing my wedding too.

Now I expect to many of you, and to most anyone else I know the very idea of planning a wedding when I don't even have a girlfriend sounds inane and insane. Which is why I'm not actively advertising the fact. Except, of course, here on my blog. Lol. However, none of my friends are currently reading this - I think - and if they do, it probably wouldn't surprise them.

What will and does surprise them is how I continually manage to attract high quality beautiful women into my life. And when I say I knew all along I was getting married a year from now, and they don't believe me, they will soon find themselves reading this post too and being amazed.

Dream girl?

It's been a few days since I've posted and while there hasn't been anything to really blog about I was feeling like I'm neglecting my duties here.

Currently my focus has been fixated on finding a new woman in my life. Everything else has been put on the backburners and I devote a lot of time and energy to this task.

I've reached a point in my life where I would really like to find someone to settle down with. Really I've always been hoping for that but I'm really very tired of dating. So I'm being very specific in what it is I'm looking for and trying to attract.

While I have no interest in getting into the details of my love life on this blog (sorry ladies), I do appear to be making progress. I've been chatting with someone who really seems quite special for the past week and I'm looking to get together with her soon. It's really too early to say anything but this woman does remarkably, startlingly almost, resemble the image I've always carried of what my wife/soulmate would look/be like. An image I've had since even prior to my first marriage.

Hispanic
Long black hair
Lovely facial features (looks very much like I've always envisioned)
Slender/sexy
Not a big talker but what she says is open, honest and deep
A good motivator for me, driven
Passionate
Loyal
Gives 100% of herself
Etc.

Now I'm just starting to get to really know this woman but it's just errie that now, at this point in my life where I'm really wanting and feeling a need to settle my love life that such a person comes around, someone so close to my mental image of what my soulmate would look like.

Be Still

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

http://zenhabits.net/2009/07/be-still/

I think in my own personal walk in life, this is the area I struggle most in. Ironic isn't in. That doing nothing is the most difficult thing to do?

But being still isn't really about 'doing nothing'. You are still doing something. You are connecting with Source/God. However to us physical beings, that non-tangible essence doesn't seem like it would or could fulfill as well as tangibly doing something, or having something or thinking something 'productive' or talking to someone, etc., etc..

I am particularly bad at being still. Even when I'm not doing anything at all I have to fidget, play a video game or my mind will be going full bore and while I may not be physically moving much, I am hardly at rest. Even simply watching tv (which is also not being still) can be a struggle for me, as I hate the feeling that I'm idle.

Moreover, I lack patience. It pains me to have to wait for something, especially if I cannot see the progress being made. This is self defeating. Law of Gender and Law of Attraction here are butting heads.

Accordingly to the Law of Gender - once the conscious mind has placed a seed in the subconscious mind, that seed begins to grow. As it grows the subconscious is naturally using the Law of Attraction to bring that into reality. However, like any seed, it takes time to germinate, grow roots and then then finally come to the surface where you can begin to see it's progress.

However, when I am impatient am I thinking about how this seed will grow into a beautiful flower and how beautiful it will look? How nice it will smell?

No, I'm thinking about what's taking it so gosh darn long. I'm thinking about wasted time. I'm thinking about how frustrated I'm becoming. And through Law of Attraction I'm bringing MORE of that wait, wasted time and frustration into my life. I'm stagnating my own darn seed's growth!

Over the last few days this message of 'Be Still' has been coming into my life repeatedly. I really feel as if God is really trying to work on me in this area. While I welcome it, I must admit I am struggling with it. However, I always find blogging about it helps me to learn about myself, and apply that which I know. 'Dr. heal thyself'

So why do I have trouble to 'Be Still'? I could list off a bunch of reasons but it all boils down to one thing. A lack of faith. Unless I am able to be hands on, unless I can actually witness progress, unless I know for sure in this physical plane that it's coming along as it should then I am discontented. I am not trusting in God to handle it on my behalf.

If I know something is important for the well being of my children, of course, I make sure it gets done. If my children need something and I tell them I'll look after it, while they might feel the need to remind me, they are not sitting around stewing wondering if it's going to be done. They trust me.

Now fortunately for them they can ask me at any time about the progress but generally, they busy themselves with other matters content that I will let them know when there's something to know.

In the same way I need to simply trust in God/Source/Law of Attraction. Make the request, plant the seed and then trust that God has it covered. It's perfectly alright to remind God that I need something as long as I'm coming in faith. Or as long as I continue to blissfully visualize that coming into my life.

But that's easier said than done, at least for me currently. Which again is why being still is so important. The ability to relax, empty your mind and just connect is invaluable. By doing this you allow pure Source energy, the holy spirit, to flow into and through you. New ideas will flow as will peace and tranquility.

In our hectic days it seems totally counter-productive to take time out to do 'nothing' but in doing so, we revitalize ourselves and make our working hours so much more productive.

So I'm going to forthwith commit myself to talking 5-10 minutes to meditate a day. To reconnect and so visualize the successful completion of my desires - then forget about them, trusting God will do the rest.


Totally aside - Completed my 10 day challenge!!

Success

If you follow this site, then you know, or at least I sure hope you do, that the premise is to document one person's rise from living an average, non-exceptional life to one that is truly outstanding and the thinking and beliefs that lead to that rise.

The problem is, it's a bit of a lie. Why? Because, I have already achieved success. However, you probably wouldn't define it that way.

By and large people have a very superficial definition of success. It looks something like this:

Must be a millionaire or better
Must hold a position of importance
Must have an attractive partner or partners
Must be healthy and in North America that generally means muscular/sexy body and plastic surgery so you have an attractive, youthful appearance as well as good overall health
Probably famous
Owns beautiful mansions, cars, clothes, etc.

I think most anyone would agree a rich, handsome, well built man with a gorgeous young wife and lots of ostentatious wealth would be a poster child for success.

Motivational Speaker Anthony Robbins understands this and that's the life he leads. He has to. Not for his benefit but for yours.

Let's face it, if Tony gave all his money to charity and lived and dressed very modestly, if he didn't work out and was as skinny as he once was, (although still healthy), if he married a very average or below average looking woman (even if she was an outstanding personality) and if you had never heard of him, you would not for a moment think he knew anything special that was worth listening too. At least, not without someone else recommending him.

So even though, at his core he was the exact same person, living his life exactly as he chose, living a life of boundless happiness, married to someone whom he loves and is loved by deeply, with fantastic knowledge that could change your life in an instant, you would not perceive him to have achieved success, at least not unless you got to know him. Anthony must have all those superficial signs of success on display so people will listen to what he has to say.

Here's another example of success that flys contrary to the thinking of the masses.

Mother Theresa.

Was she rich? Heavens no. She lived an extremely modest life.
Was she beautiful? Internally yes, where it mattered but she not a women men would look twice at.
Did she hold a prestigious position in life? Not my most people's standards.
Did she have an attractive mate? Not a worldly one, no, never.
Was she healthy? Yes, but not in the Hollywood sense that North Americans use to define it.
Did she own lots of great things. No.
Was she famous? Yes, but she did not seek it nor would it have made her any less of a success if she wasn't.

Let's face it, if you took her out of her religious attire and put her on the streets people would sooner think she was a baglady than a truly successful person. I'm sure you would agree they would be horribly wrong.

So then how do we define success? What makes a person successful?

The difference between a successful person and everyone else, is a successful person is defining the life they live while everyone else is allowing life to define them.

To put it another way, successful people are walking in faith. They are asking God for what they want and walking towards that in faith that the Lord will provide. They are not limiting what they are asking for, for they know that the Lord has no limitations. They are not living in doubt or fear.

Although they face daily uncertainy because the way forward is not clear it does not disway them. They have come to the firm realization that like walking through a dense fog, as you make each step forward you'll be able to see your immediate surroundings and take another step forward. Even when they do bump into something, that's okay, they expect and accept that that is going to happen. They just move around the obstacle and keep going. If they come to a wall they trust God will provide a way over, under, around or through and diligently search for that until they find it. If they step off an abyss they know God has a rope around them and will pull them back up. So while it may frighten for the moment, they do not doubt in their heart they'll soon be back on solid ground. In time they make it to where they are going.

Everyone else meanwhile avoids the fog, worried they'll get hurt or lost or merely be directionless because they don't know where they are headed to begin with. So they either move away from the fog, and have their path defined for them by the fog of life or sit still, not going anywhere, until the fog and their life passes away.


So to succeed you must have a clear vision of where you want to be that emboldens you, you must have deep lasting faith in your heart that you will arrive there and you must, must, must be taking action to achieve that vision (do not wait for God to place it before you, boldly go and claim it).

Vision, faith, persistant action those are the hallmarks of success. Even if you have not yet arrived, you are defining what life you are living and that is success.

What everyone else is doing, irregardless of their place in life, irregardless of how many of the superficial signs of success they have, is merely existing.

So our poster child of success could be rich and famous because of his parents, could have a gorgeous partner and many fancy things because he has money, he may even be given ownership of the family business but without vision, faith and persistant action of his own, he is still merely existing and is no more spiritually rich or fulfilled than a pauper. He is not successful, he is merely a dim shadow of the success that came before. So do not put stock in those worldly things.

Success is a state of mind, a state of being. And I have already arrived.

Concert

It's been longer since I blogged than I had thought! Where does the time go?

First up: Still doing well on my 10 day mental challenge. Now on day 8 and feeling fine. I'm actually quite pleased with myself, for this is showing me just how far I've come. When I first took the challenge many years ago, I had to be constantly safeguarding my thoughts. Now though, positivity is my habitual way of thinking, even when I'm feeling down, I hold optomizism in my heart, that it will turn around even if the present is unpleasant.

Secondly my weekend was great. I spend Saturday volunteering at a Christian music festival (www.musicinthesquare.com) which a friend of mine organizes. I had an active organizer myself in it's first year (2006). In 2007 a poorly formed core group fell apart killing the event and in 2008 my friend was too busy with wedding plans to give the event the attention it requires. This year I only made small contributions of my time so I only watched from the sidelines as it took form. This years event was the best ever, although threat of rain kept the crowd disappointingly small. Nevertheless I couldn't help but marvel at the realization of my friend's dream.

The other great thing about it was that I was able to spend the day with my old girlfiend (who was also volunteering). We've been talking all along but being together (which he havn't done since Easter) allowed us, or perhaps just me, to redefine our relationship more fully. And although she's no longer my lover, she is a wonderful person and a highly valued friend. She might also contribute to my sister blog - Preston's Pearls.

Otherwise, there's not much to report aside from the many day to day issues. I did get a couple ideas for blogs for Preston's Pearls over the weekend (in addition to my Step series) so keep on eye there for more.

High Intention, Low Attachment saves the day

This week has been a very tumultuous week for me on the relationship front.

Amazingly, even to me, is that despite the heartache and emotional rollercoaster I have been able to keep my overall outlook positive. I do believe I will find someone, that someone who I'll truly love and be able to share my life with. While I am already in love, it's not looking like my current situation can survive and so while, on one hand, I'm hoping things work themselves out, I am also remaining open to someone new.

High intention, low attachment. Man, I love that concept. It's a life saver! Previously I would have focused all my attention on one specific person, thinking they were the only ones who could make me feel so fulfilled, despite it being a, most likely, lost cause. Now I'm not entirely giving up on that either but I am not making that person my be all and end all either. In the end, it's a certain state I want to achieve and it doesn't necessarily have to be one specific person to acheive that state. If someone else can come in and fulfill my needs and take me there (and vice versa of course) then you can bet your bottom dollar all the love I currently have will be gratefully shared with that person instead.

However, in the short term I think it's time to 'turtle'. There's been a few too many ups and downs of late and I'm feeling the need to retreat, restabilize, refocus and then restart fresh(er).

The Rollercoaster

The last couple of days have been an emotional rollercoaster.

Sunday started well, went sour and then surprisingly improved. That improvement carried on into Monday which was a good day but then ended bittersweet. I'm not about to go into details here but I will say I'm reminded of the age old adage - Be careful what you wish for, because you just may get it.

Also I've been very emotionally open and that's left me too prone to be carried too and fro emotionally by various people in my life. While I hate to do it, I think I need to close off for a bit, steady myself, reestablish that it is I'm after and then focus on specifically that.

In the meantime, it's important that I keep my focus and energy going. In today's Six Minutes to Success, Bob Proctor spoke about Crisis and Advancement which sums up as follows:

Advancements of all type are always proceeded by a crisis.

The greater the crisis the greater to opportunity for advancement.

So whether it's the current economic crisis or our own individual crisis (of whatever scale) you need to not be looking at the crisis itself but looking for that opportunity for advancement. Obviously it's easier to find the former - it's staring you in the face after all- than it is to find the latter but it's the latter than matters. That is your growth opportunity and place where you will find balance.

I'm still learning as I go along, just need to not become jadded and remain faithful that my desires are being met. Usually, the universe just needs to shape us up in order to meet those desires.

Dang - One life to live

I have to restart my 10 Day mental Challenge (effective today) because yesterday I allowed my self to dwell (and discuss) how frustrated I was in one area of my life so here we go again from Day 1.

I don't mind much, while it's annoying and disheartening I do take solace in the fact that if you are doing this challenge as well then you will know you're not alone in struggling to make 10 days.

I watched the Curious Case of Benjamin Button in which Brad Pitt plays the role of a man who is younging instead of aging. He's born old and gets younger as the years go by.

It's a thought provoking and touching movie and ultimately I found it very sad but not for the reasons you may think. While my daughter was crying because he died a baby in the arms of an old woman who had been the love of his life, I wasn't really touched by that (it was a pretty obvious conclusion), I was greatly sadden because here was a man who had lived a truly unique life, held a unique view of the world, unique experiences and challenges and although he had done and seen a great many things in his time, once he was gone, there was nothing left of him except a journal which because of it's inconceivable tale would probably never leave his daughter's care. A daughter that had never even know him. Really, when the old lady passed away so did any last trace of Benjamin Button. Like vapour in the wind.

What a tragic waste. Yet, it is any different than you and I? If you were to die, right now, what mark will you have left behind? Think about it. Most people will at least live on through their kids, somewhat, and hopefully they were a positive contributor to their child's psyche and didn't instill unwittingly a lot of their own limitations into their children's lives (got you thinking now, didn't I). But once those who knew you die, what's left? Anything? Will it have mattered at all that you ever lived? Does that even matter to you? Perhaps you're content to just go through life, experience it and then when it's up it's up. Like a day in school, and you're just another student passing through for a few years.

But the greatest thing we bring to this world, is our diversity, our individuality, our unique outlook on life. We are all Benjamin Buttons. We all go through life on our own unique journey, gaining experiences that while maybe shared, still hold a unique meaning to us, developing our own unique outlook on life. And while it was tragic to lose Benjamin Button's perspective because of his special circumstances, is it really any less of a loss to lose your special perspective? Of course, none of us live forever, we are all but passing through. While we are here, we have an opportunity to shape this world, to craft it in our own image, our own vision and leave a lasting impression on this world that will signal out to generations yet unborn and be a warning, an inspiration, a statement, a question or a general betterment of life so that because you suffered, you have made sure no one else will ever have to suffer again.

Everyone who has left their imprint on this world from Napoleon, to Shakespeare to Nelson Mandela to Alexander Graham Bell have all been great men but they are still just people, exactly like you and I, no different, no better, no greater except they determined that they wanted to make the world a better place (from their perspective and in their own method) and didn't allow the general river of life to pull them along. Instead of going with the current they stuck their paddles in the water and made their own way charting a new path for all to follow or learn from.

Benjamin Button did touch on a couple of interest life points too, like you never know what tomorrow may bring. At one point Benjamin is just a happy crew member of a tugboat company, a comfortable if unambitious position but one day, that boat is commission by the navy as they enter the second world war. For the most part life continues as it had before, only what they were hauling changed, until they come across a u-boat that sinks them and destroys the life Benjamin had taken for granted.

Despite the fact that the last 5 years have been rout routine does not guarantee that tomorrow will be. You could win the lottery or be shot. You could find true love or get into a violent quarrel that ends it. You don't know, so you have to work on today, making the most of it, being the most of what you can be and doing what you can to make this world a better place, now, while you still can.

On the flip side, Benjamin meets a woman who had a dream, to swim the English Channel and she tried as a young lady to do so only to fail because of inclement weather. She had always meant to try again but her faith was crushed and instead she fell into a life of comfort and quiet desperation. However before the end, she somehow regained her faith and tried again as a mature woman and succeeded.

In the same way, it's never too late to realize your dreams. Certain opportunities may pass you by never to return, you cannot become a star Olympic athlete at 80... unless you switch from being a gymnast to being an equestrian jockey. Unless you change from being the star to coaching the star or sponsoring the athlete. As long as your alive and of right mind, you can still find a way to make it happen and you absolutely have an obligation to yourself to do exactly that.

We are here, with but one shot at this thing called life, even if you believe in reincarnation, do you really want to do all this over and over again until you get it right? My son had to repeat grade 10 math three times and trust me, he never wants to do it again. He'd have been much happier if he had applied himself the first time and never needed to repeat it at all. So commit yourself to live the life you truly want to live and be the person you truly want to be. You will not always succeed, sometimes inclement weather will scuttle your swim across the channel but take heart, if you're alive then your dream is alive too and you have but to try it again, and this time you'll give yourself the grace to postpone a day or two if need be to get the right weather. Nothing is ever a failure as long as we do not fail to learn. Any experience from a failed relationship to a fail business is not a failure in our lives or out character as long as we've learned from it and can apply that knowledge going forward. There are always more people to love and more business opportunities to try one's hand at and if you stick with it, you will succeed. Successful people don't fail less, they fail more and learn from each misstep how better to proceed.

You are your own unique creation. You are your very own Benjamin Button or Edward Scissorhands. Embrace that, don't follow the wide path but strike out on your own in a direction that seems best to you. Win or lose, the world is better off for your endeavors and so are you. Find a better route and suddenly the world will stop calling your crazy for going into the harsh bush country and call you genius for having the foresight and fortitude to find a better way. In doing so you'll leave a legacy for the world will be forever altered for the better by your presence.