It's funny. The whole idea behind this blog is to show people both the highs and the lows that even the most successful people (assuming I become "successful") go through on that journey. To get them to realize that successful people are just like them. Have the same fears and doubt, ups and downs, feelings and failings. However, it's very easy to blog about my successes and insights but I don't want to write about when I'm feeling like I'm getting beaten up. I certainly don't want to put it in a public forum for all to read but then that's what the entire point of this blog is. So I'm manning up and here we go.
Normally, I would describe this as a very low point in my life but maybe because some of what Bob Proctor has been feeding me is sticking I'm not actually looking at it that way.
My relationship with the woman I love is over for reasons that are utterly frustrating to me because they are beyond my control and because they are tied to other peoples doubts and fears. Despite my 'talent' at motivating I cannot get them to see beyond those doubts and fears. Not even when it means so terribly much to me.
Worse, I now realize Bob, and in fact my ex girlfriend, are right. I can not and will not receive that which I'm truly longing for while I'm still holding onto that which I don't want out of some desperate hope of reviving it. I'll go more into that concept in Preston's Pearls, but if I hope to attract lasting love I have to give this one away. Something I don't want to do.
My finances are at a critical point. I hate to give power to negativity by writing this but since losing my tenants I've needed to rely on credit to make ends meet. That credit is close to reaching it's limit. While I have many wonderful ideas for getting more money I haven't capitalized on any of them. Too much distraction, doubt and foot dragging.
Actually, that's only part of the picture. It's not all about finances although a fatalistic part of my mind might like to paint it that way. I AM selling my house, yes. That will alleviate my financial burden and allow me to pay off all outstanding debt, yes. But my house is also simply no longer serving any purpose in my life anymore. When I bought it, I had already determined I would be selling it this summer. I've flipped flopped on that because my son wants to stay here but my reasons for selling are the same as they were 6 years ago.
My son is grown, finished school, and almost ready to move out on his own. At this point he needs a constant fire under his ass to get him to move and take charge of his life. His mother is much better in burning asses than I and so it makes sense for him to go live with his mom. Also, there are more opportunities in Toronto than in recession wracked Oshawa. It just makes sense.
With Nick gone there's no point in me staying here. It's just an inconvenient burden to me. So even if my finances were outstanding, hell, especially if my finances were outstanding I'd be selling the house. I'd just be feeling better about it. But since they are not it feels like defeat.
Writing this makes me realize it's not defeat, it's a freaking victory. I did it. Exactly as I planned. I will certainly make some profit from selling the house, or at the very, very least, after paying off my debt load and repaying my RRSP come out dead even. I managed to make it work, despite my costs ALWAYS being greater than my employment income for six years. There's no shame in that. None.
But you can probably see why this kinda feels like a real kick in the ass. No girl, no house, no kid.
But on the flip side, no girl - so I can meet lots of lovely women and have fun until I meet someone even better, no house - less cleaning, less expense, no commuting, no fixing stuff up, no concerns, no gardening, etc, etc, and no kid - ... Oh hell yeah!!! No kid! I can do whatever I want now!! Work, play, bring bimbos over (not likely), whatever! No one to mess up my house, no one to hog my TV and Wii, no one to frustrate me with their half ass work, no one to distract me from what I want to be doing, no one to discourage me, no one to have to feed, clothe, nag, etc. Yeah, no one to love me either but I'm sure my cat will step up there and I can visit my kids whenever I want.
So my only concern now is finding enough money to do all the work I want to on the house to maximize my return on investment but really, if I can't I'll get less for it but then save on fixing it. Fixing it up would be better but it's not absolutely necessary either. So I'll do what makes sense and then let the chips land where they may. Let Go and Let God as Bob Proctor would say.
Gee, that Honest Truth didn't turn out so Hard after all.
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