Walking in faith - Updated

The Lord has challenged me.  


I am not inclined to post this as it could be cause for much public humiliation and embarrassment but I trust in the Lord and I have faith that this will only serve to glorify Him in the end.

I've long felt a certainty in my bones that a particular woman (who will remain nameless for now so I do not cause her undo embarrassment) I was dating would be my wife.  I have 'known' it since New Years 2009 but I couldn't accept it then.  I could not see it.  At that time we'd been dating for three months but hadn't done more than kiss, in fact, I'm not even sure we'd done that.  We both felt an attraction for the other, both felt there were some compatiblities but at the same time, did not see those traits we were looking for in each other.

I was dating other women at the time, so I was not overly put off by the slow progress.  Yet when I tired of juggling and sought the Lord as to who was the 'right' one, he said the one I could least understand.  I accepted it, went out with her on that New Year's night, and starved of everything I sought I wanted and needed - ran!  

So the Lord provided exactly that which I'd asked for instead.  There was that passion and attention that I was so desperately seeking, in spades!  Yet, I knew, I knew that I knew that I knew, that it wasn't healthy.  It was two sick people feeding off each other.  I ended it quickly.

Confused I drifted for a while and the Lord used me for a time to heal others but while I provided something they needed, I was left empty myself.   I still occasionally saw the woman I had run from, and in the end, we started working on a project together and fell in love.

Now that we were in a proper relationship I told her many times over that I felt certain that we were meant to be together.  That she would marry me.  She thought I was sweet but delusional for I continued to fail to exhibit the qualities she sought.  For my part, I kept holding back, waiting for the sense of certainty, for the unbridled passion, for that sense that there's no way I could live without her but that never came.   So instead I merely enjoyed her company but remained in my comfort zone. 

As a result, we continuously drifted in and out of a relationship.  Both strangely attracted but neither satisfied with the other.  Again the Lord used me to heal, as every time I felt I'd had enough and wanted out, He would direct me to just love her unconditionally for she was worthy, and seek Love from Him instead of from her.   Reluctantly I obeyed, time after time and reluctantly, she responded every time.

However, the relationship did not honour her, me or God in the way that it should have.  It was total compromise all the way around.  We continued to see only that which was lacking and didn't invest in it fully.

27 days ago, God saw fit to separate us and we were in agreement on that.  At that time I saw it as a temporary reprieve but she saw it as the end.  Up front we compromised and agreed to meet in about three weeks time to review.

If you've read the last post, you know that God has been working extensively on me since then.  When the spirit revealed to me the truth of what I'd done, I felt a tremendous remorse.   I was the one that knew God's intent but I was not living in accordance to it, I was being lukewarm by staying and loving her (which was easy) but not stepping into the authority that God had placed on me to Lead her.   So at that point, I felt the heaviness in my spirit that when we met for our 'review' meeting that I was to propose.   That was rationally crazy of course but I had faith in the Lord, mainly due to all the wonders He was working in me at the time.

I budgeted out some money and went and found a few rings in that range.   I knew I could return the ring if she said 'no' so there was little harm in asking and being 'obedient'.  If fact there was no reason to expect any other answer than 'no', so aside from a little embarrassment I risked nothing in humouring the Lord. While no proper engagement ring is cheap, I felt she'd understand if I got her what was reasonable for my budget, especially since she didn't expect much from me at all, and would never expect an engagement ring, period.

I was comfortable with this arrangement with God.

Then God prompted me to look around some more.  I learned a lot more about diamonds, initially from Birks but Birk's rings were far outside of my budget.   However, having been shown what to look for in a quality diamond I went back to where I had planned to purchase and could clearly see the inferiority of the diamonds with the naked eye.  Instead of being something wonderful that I was slightly proud to present, they had become junk jewelry.  It just wouldn't do.  I would take no pride in it at all.

I went back to praying.   If God wanted me to spend more, he'd have to show me where the money was coming from.

One of the things I had prepared to do was to take a life development course, and beyond that training on how to be a Life Coach.  However, I was beginning to have some hesitancy around that as, like most modern day new age thinking, it taught that I could do whatever I wanted if I set my mind to it, while God was showing me a completely different way - dependence on Him and doing His will, not mine.

At this time she returned from a Christian retreat and eagerly shared details about it.  She had many breakthroughs (although if our relationship was one of them she didn't mention it).  I did some research on it and determined that this was the way God wanting me to go, not the course I'd planned.  The fact that the Christian retreat cost a fraction of the course I was about to sign up for, and was held on the exact same dates (which I had already booked off) confirmed it.   Suddenly I had a bunch of extra money and knew exactly what to do with it. 

So now I was looking at getting a much nicer diamond ring that I really could be proud of, that would really make a strong statement, and which could still easily be returned.

I had grown and became comfortable with God's new plan.

Then he had me look around some more.  On Friday I was off work so I had some time to shop, I learned even more, and found a small independent shop that took as much care to find exceptional diamonds as Birks but without Birk's large overhead.   Okay cool, the price even matched that which the spirit had given me.  After more consideration and prayer I decided to go with them - until I learned there was no returning the ring. !! I ran back to Birks.  But Birks ring was far inferior.  Nor would they meet the price the spirit had given.  I was confused.   Shelling out that kind of cash, with no fallback, no plan B, for a woman who was hardly even talking to me and was determined she wanted out of a relationship with me, was nothing short of insane.

I prayed hard.  For this to pay off, I'd need a miracle, I needed the confidence God was really, really prepared to deliver one.  God dropped my own words, plus some scripture, into my head; 'Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.'   If I wanted God to commit, then He wanted me to commit.  Not just humour Him.  To commit, fully, totally, absolutely, without doubt or wavering.   As I'd written, if I was prepared to give it my all, to do whatever it took, then He was prepared to act.

But was I willing?  It was craziness.  But I shut off the mind and listened to the heart and soul.  I dug deep.  Did I really, really, really want to be married to her for the rest of my life?  Was I willing to do whatever it took to make it work? (Which meant living a very different life than I had)  Was I willing to really truly Love and Honour her committing to live outside of my comfort zone, for good?  Was I ready to accept the possibility of more kids?  Or having to support her and possibly a whole family (further outside of my current comfort zone)?  Or being a loving, supportive father to her son as well as my own and to our own?   Was she really a great match for me?  Was I willing to forgo all other women, forever? Was I willing to put it all out on the line, with absolutely nothing, nothing, nothing at all to go on, but faith?   Faith that God would somehow get her to agree. Faith that somehow God would provide a way.

You know my answer. 

I wouldn't be writing this now if I hadn't asked.  

The question that you are left wondering is did she miraculously say 'yes' or am I merely a delusional ranting, fool, believing in some fairy tale God that wasted a whole lot of money for nothing.  Did providence move too?

At this moment.  I too am left wondering that, while I wait for her ultimate answer.  As I said, this could prove embarrassing...    But I remain strong in my faith.

We all both know soon enough.  Whatever the outcome, I will post it here, pride be damn or God be glorified. Amen.


UPDATE:  PRAISE JESUS!  SHE SAID YES!   Totally unexpectedly, she met with someone who's insight she really respects, and before she even mention the engagement that person said she just felt in her spirit I was the one and that it was time for her to commit.  So she did.
Incredible.  I'm crying, it's ridiculous, but so wondrous to see the Lord in action.  Providence moved.  It's true. It works.  


And now, I know the Lord has such a grand vision for me, one I never felt adequate for.  I still don't but that's irrelevant, the Lord's Will, will be done.  I commit to fulfilling it, completely.

An Open Letter to Jack Canfield Pt II

Dear Jack,

I had no idea I would be writing this letter, tonight or any night, but as I checked my email I saw that someone had read my last open letter to you (April1st) and requested an update on my progress.  

The timing was impeccable.  While posting on this blog was the furthest thing from my mind, to write this now at this time, might be the most appropriate.

There's two answers to the question, based on how it came but the end result is the same.  To wit: Is the Success Principals Coaching working for me?  And How am I now doing?

To answer the first question, I do continue to use the coaching service.  Sometimes a lot, several calls a week, and sometimes sparsely, a couple a month.  I have read the book again, redone most of the exercises and listened to the tapes again (some repeatedly).  It's all good and it's all helpful.   The coaches are excellent and often do really help me to better understand myself and frame things better in my mind.  Other times, not so much.  It depends on who you get and what you're asking them.   Coach X might guide you to an absolute insight in relation to question A but not really terribly helpful with question B, however Coach Y might be awesome on Question B.  So when I have a really burning question, I keep on calling until I get the right coach for that question.  Or just a lot of different perspectives.   Yes, that's right, a lot of different perspectives.  They all have backgrounds with other coaching companies and have different ways of doing things.  Although it's 'Jack Canfield's coach line' it's not Jack's way or the highway.  If anything, they refer back to The Success Principals too rarely.     

However, and my use of 'however' is never a good sign, I cannot say the coaching program has helped me make any kind of substantial breakthrough.   It has been useful, it has been helpful, and I continue to use it (damn straight, I PAID for it, I'm going to use it!)  However, The Success Principals and the whole program has been more educational than transformational.   As the old 80's cartoon 'GI Joe' use to say, 'Knowing is half the battle!'  Which is apt.  It's half.  The problem lies in the other half.

If you were to ask me 'Was it worth the money?' I'd have to say yes and no.   I do not feel that it's been worth the investment, in and of itself.  That is to say, it wasn't the magic bullet and if that's someone's expectation, they might be disappointed, then again, they might not.   However, there are other options out there (cheaper ones too) that I believe might serve as well or better.  If you're someone reading my blog, that's good, you're looking into them and trying to figure out what's best for you.   Now that's where the 'yes' comes in...  

What I have found, and what has made an absolutely monumental shift in my life is that Napoleon Hill and all who came after are right as per this quote which is commonly attributed to Goethe (or Faust) but is neither:
'Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: 

          Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. 
          Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!'
~ W. H. Murray in The Scottish Himalaya Expedition, 1951

I had absolutely committed myself to making a difference this year, to changing who I was in a profound meaningful way, and I pushed as hard as I could for that.   Even going to far as to spend the equivalent of a small used car on Canfield's program.  Money I did not have nor have the means to repay.  I did the program, redid it.  Tried other programs (which were also helpful) and finally, out of ideas, out of money and out of hope, unable to get myself out of the rut my life had become (a comfortable rut, but a rut nonetheless) I asked, no rather begged, God to slay the poor, pathetic person I was and just do for me what I could not do for myself.

God answered.   And he has done exactly that.  For the last three weeks exactly now, God has been very active in my life and transforming me.  Giving me insight after insight.

Now the irony to me, is that in writing this I am reconfirming what God has been showing me all this week. 

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  ~ John 15:5

I was constantly holding back because I didn't feel I had what it took.  Holding back from truly pursuing my dreams, the woman I love, the life I want and from those three pillars God gave me oh, so many years ago - to Lead, to Love and to use Literature to reach the people and help them transform their lives.   I now see that, frankly, it's true.  I don't have what it takes.  I'm not suppose to. "Apart from me you can do nothing."   

When God asked Moses to go back to Egypt and tell the Pharaoh 'Let my people go' what did Moses say?  He said he couldn't do it.  That no one would listen to his voice.  That it held no authority.  Finally God consented to send Aaron with him.  Sadly, even after 40 years of seeing God's power and plans and even being the tool God used to perform many miracles, when God told him to use his voice to call water from the rock, Moses instead tried to use his staff.  Twice.  Foolish, stubborn man.  Much like me.

When God gives you something to do, it's not like your ability matters!  Really, if Aaron hadn't gone would it have been different?  It was God's ability not Moses that mattered.  

"If a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit"

The key, is obedience, trusting that God will see you through.  To go as far as we are able, to push ourselves as far as we can go, then when we're tapped out, when all the world is aligned against us, when the enemy is about to overwhelm us if you will, then God steps in and overthrows.  Suddenly things happen in our favour.  

Providence moves too.

I get it now.  My ability, or my own perception of my ability, is irrelevant.  The fact that I haven't accomplished what I wanted (the past) is irrelevant.  All that is relevant, is that I commit myself to doing those things fully and absolutely.   Am I good enough?  Lol. No.  Irrelevant.  My God, Allah, the universe, the Law of Attraction, however you want to understand it (my understanding and connection is my Lord Jesus Christ and that's working just fine for me, thank you) IS powerful enough.  God WILL see me the rest of the way.   The world likely will come against me (or certainly seem that way) and that's perfectly okay, in fact, it's a great sign things are about to get interesting and it's time to start celebrating.  For when I hit that wall, when everything seems doomed, when I'm overpowered, that's when God steps in and starts setting things right.   But I have to be willing to go the distance first.  I must be absolutely committed, because until I am 'there is the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness'.  'Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!'

So in effect, taking that risk with the Canfield program, putting it all out there and going as far as I could was absolutely necessary for me to be where I am now.   I had to be committed, and ironically, had to be beaten before I could be victorious.

So 'How am I doing now?'   Wonderfully.  I am not at this moment rich, or uber-successful, or whatnot, but I have just paid off all my debts, completely, am reshaping my life, have enrolled in a series of programs that will result in me being a Life Coach, I am making and prepared to make radical changes in my life.

In one sense, as I write this letter, I am in the same place I was last letter, looking to make a permanent change in my life for the better.

In another sense, I am in a completely different place.  In April, I was full of doubt, fear, frustration and looking for an answer.   Now I have my answer.  I have no doubt, no fear and only jubilation (and some residual anxiety) over what the future holds.  My life has changed.  I am a different man.  I will be living a much different life a year from now, and far different ten years from now.  Of that I am convinced and convicted.  I am ready to do whatever it takes, not because I feel like I have some gift to do it, but because I understand that I don't, except through Him, but with Him my success (re: His success and glory) already a foregone conclusion.


Jack Canfield, for your part in making this happens, and to Tony Robbins, and Napoleon Hill and countless others and to Gary, Lee, all the coaches on the coach line; Thank you.  A huge, gracious, warm thank you.

In this relay race of life; I have the baton, and I'm running with it.

Yours Truly, 

Preston Squire

See the follow-up to this post here

Progressing

While it may appear I'm ignoring my blogging duties I have in fact been quite active, blogging nearly daily on my other site: http://www.thecuphalffull.com/   I changed format to short, quick inspiring posts - which are reposted to facebook, Google+ and Twitter.

As for my life, I am continuing to progress, working on building my Isagenix business, sent my children's book - The Dream Cat and the Flood off to an agent and sold my house (still a work in progress as I deal with the various issues needing to be resolved to close).

As with my house I am continuing to cut away relics of my past to make way for new and better things.  See Vacuum Law of Prosperity. 

I am also better able to focus my attention, thoughts and feelings on those things that I want and not be focusing on the things I don't want (cutting those things away helps).

My life is still very much a work in progress at this moment but I am very excited for the future.  Walking forward in faith, optomism and joy.

Building Away

Well, I guess an update is long overdue!

I have been being a busy little bee.

Most significantly things began when one of my upline Isagenix leaders had to pull out of a training session and offered his ticket up - cheap.   What was a $200 ticket (three day course) I got for a steal at $55 (he had gotten it at a discount price already and further discounted it for me).

The speakers: David Wood and Susan Sly were fabulous and I learned alot.  But perhaps the most powerful stuff came on the last day.  During the previous day they had people define themselves by certain character traits 'Lions' - aggressive, 'Let's get 'er done' types, 'Monkeys' - social animals, 'Owls' - inquisitive and analytical, and 'Koalas' the kind, sensitive types.   

Everyone self identified and happily jumped into their respective groups.  Except me.  None of them seemed to represent me in any way.   On my friend's suggestion I joined the Owls but very quickly felt totally out of place.  I am no anal-lyst.  Drives me buggy!  

But I'm no social animal.  Not that caring.  And certainly not aggressive.  So what was I??

I discussed this with David Wood in the morning.  He figured me for a Owl/Koala but that still didn't resonnate.   Then when he went on stage he started talking about me (without mentioned names or pointing me out).   He said some people are like carrots that have been boiling on the stove too long.  They've gotten soft.  He looked at me and called me a 'mushy carrot!!'

While righteous indignation aside, he was right, and I knew it.  I knew deep down what I was.  A lion.  But a lion that had lost it's bite.  I was the Wizard of Oz lion.   No wonder I couldn't self identify.

There was a lot of other good stuff but the most powerful was the arrow breaking.   We each got an arrow, wrote down what we were moving away from and what we were moving towards on the shaft.  We then had someone hold it, tip placed in the soft bottom part of our neck below the adam's apple - and walked into it.

*Do not try this at home! If you don't know how to do it properly, don't do it at all!*

It's a disconcerting feeling to be sure. The arrows snap of course but you have to break through that feeling of certainty that you're about to kill yourself.  It is powerful.

And it is what life is ultimately all about.  Or ought to be.  Breaking out of your comfort zone.  ALL your comfort zones, one arrow at a time.  Especially when it feels like doing so will be the end of you.

Since that day, that is exactly what I've been doing.   Consistantly breaking out of my comfort zones.  A Lion rediscovering his heart and his roar.

That's all I have time for today but I'll fill you in more later.

Don't Mind the Crowd

One of the most discouraging things anyone faces as they try to elevate themselves to a new level of being is the 'wisdom' of friends and family who think you should 'get real' and 'stop dreaming'.

Surprisingly the further down the ladder you are, the worse it is.  I've found that people simply don't want to see you succeed, because if you do, then it's going to force them to have to reevaluate their own lives.  Possibly have to make some hard decisions and make some changes.  IE: It makes them uncomfortable.

They are locked into their limited mindsets and would rather sit there in that (dis)comfort zone - the pain they know - rather than try something different.  They are afraid of failure (and/or success) and don't want you bursting their bubble.

This is nothing new and I've blogged about it in thecuphalffull.com.  It can be difficult for people to deal with because you need to either develop a thick skin or find new friends who are more supportive or open-minded.

What is even more difficult is when those that do support you, leave, suggesting you don't have what it takes. Particularly if it's a spouse or loved one.   That can really be a huge blow to your ego and confidence.

I suggest you do two things: 1) Listen and learn - Odds are they have some solid justification for they way they feel.  You probably can't see what they see, which is all the more reason to use this time to really listen to what they are saying, perhaps between the lines and reflect on yourself.

They have a different prespective of you than you do and likely see things in you that you cannot see for yourself.   It's like having a mole on the back of your neck.   Without a mirror you cannot see it for what it is but everyone else can. 

2) Keep on going anyway!  Okay, you have issues.  Maybe you have some hang-ups you're still trying to get over or habits that need addressing or skeleton's in your closet.  Welcome to life.  Everyone does.  So what?  Do you think world leaders don't have some issues?  Or CEOs?  Of course they do. 

I'm not suggesting you ignore yours.  Listen, learn and do something about those things that hinder you.  I am suggesting you don't let the fact that you are not currently perfect (and guess what? Never will be...) stop your momentum.   No one is perfect.  Those people who lost faith in you aren't perfect either.   Perhaps they have it together more in some area of their life, but inevitably you have it together more in others.   Quite likely the real reason they left is because you're not up to carrying their baggage.  Awww... Too bad.  Let them carry their own baggage themselves - builds character.  Regardless of what the situation may be, it's no excuse to stop.

You might want to solicite some second (and third, forth, fifth) opinions.  Were they right?  Do other people see the same faults?   Feedback is a wonderful thing.  It enables you to identify areas of development that you might not have otherwise seen.  Conversely, it also softens the blow if someone is over-reacting to something you've done.  Either way you gain a better perspective of where you are and where you need to be.

Canfield Coaching - One Week After

The title is a little misleading as I'm still doing the Canfield Coaching but the 12 weeks of scheduled coaching sessions are over.    I can still do the exercises on my own and call the coaching hotline until the end of the year.

However, now that I don't have anyone calling me to see how I'm doing, how am I doing?

Overall... Great!

The thing I'm most pleased with is the resiliency of my mental game.   Feeling very upbeat and positive despite the current situation which frankly isn't all that great.

Let's look at some of the various areas

Writing - Going great.  Finished the 3 critiques needed prior to posting my own stuff.  Posted Isecas The Dream Cat and the Flood (working title) which has gotten positive feedback.  Still doing critiques and enjoying helping others.

Isagenix - Ah... going.  Still haven't gotten a second person signed up.  Person number one is pleased with her results and plans on continuing as I am myself but my technique definitely needs work.  I've been trying to 'sell' it and that's not the right approach.  It's more of listening to people and providing it as an answer to their solutions but not as a hard sell, as a very soft sell gently massaged in often over multiple discussions.   So I still sold on the product, and sold on the opportunity but it means I have to develop skillsets I currently don't have - but need!  Social skills and networking.   The opportunity to develop those in a supportive environment and profit from those is enticing.

Career - Been dragging my heels on this as I didn't have a clear idea what I was doing.   Was discussing with a Canfield coach and that helped shape my thinking.   I know what I want to be doing (until my writing/Isagenix can support me) which is Life Coaching.   Now I have to figure out how.

Relationships - Did I mentioned overall things weren't so great?  Here's why.  Due do some unidentified and therefore unaddressed personal issues, I torpedoed my budding relationship.   I am disappointed that it is (currently) over but I am seeing this as a beginning not an ending.   It situation has brought the glaring personal fault under the microscope and has allowed me to attack it and work on extracting it.   Otherwise, I am confident that we'll get back together, however a break is now needed so women of the world - rejoice - you have a chance!    However, currently I'm focused on resolving this flaw not getting into a new relationship.

Other - I've volunteered to at Covenant House - a shelter for homeless teens and they were most pleased with my application.   I've been in touch with them quite a bit but they do not have a need at the moment, however, they will be in touch when one arises.
             I've modded my Wii.  Doesn't sound important but considering how much time I used to waste in stores looking for a bargain to add to my collection, this is a huge time (and money) saver.   I can hear the cries of 'Pirate!' but the Wii is near the end of it's life, I'm getting the imports and excessively rare games I cannot purchase (or could otherwise never play due to region lock) and besides that, I don't even play half the games I do buy! 
             Getting contacts today - so working on improving my image.
            Still doing Coaching exercises.   Have one more do to, then I'll have to decide if I want to redo some or all of them again for reinforcement.

That's enough details of my life for now.  I'm off to start living it some more.  Excelsior!

Canfield Coaching - An Open Letter to Jack Canfield

This coming Wednesday marks the last of my scheduled coaching calls.  I was requested to post a Youtube video of my successes with this program but I deferred as I did not feel I had anything worthy of publicly talking about.  So instead I was asked to write a letter 'directly' to Jack Canfield about my experience.

An Open Letter to Jack Canfield

Dear Jack Canfield,

At the request of my coach, Gary Reid, I'm writing this open letter to you (open because it's posted on my blog) regarding my success with your coaching program.

First off, allow me to congratulate you on the outstanding success you have managed to achieve, you are a beckon of hope to us all.   Secondly, thank you for your tireless efforts to help others to achieve their own success.

As for the coaching program, when I started I assigned two determining factors to measure the success of the program.  1) That I had fundamentally and permanently altered my life for the better (so that I'm happy, healthy, wealthy and wise and helping others to achieve the same)  2) That the changes I had made would generate enough additional income to more than pay for the program.

At this point,  I have not made any additional income whatsoever, although I have set in motion some ventures that (hopefully) will enable that.  And while I have made some fundamental changes, I cannot conclude at this juncture about their permanence.  After all, I have been trying to make permanent change to my life (to start living the life I truly want) for almost twenty-five years now. I have had gradual improvement and periods of 'success' but not sustained success in that time.  In short, the jury is still out on if this program has been a net benefit or net loss.

I am in a better place mentally than I was at the start of this program.  I have made some new distinctions and formed new habits.  Gary and the coaches on the coach line have helped me to gain clarity on various issues.  I found the exercises helpful.  I have made various changes to my life.    I do intend to read the book again, listen to the CDs again, go through the exercises again, and continue to use the coach line on at least a weekly basis.

I have not made a measurable breakthrough in my life.  I have not achieved any new level of success (yet). I have not (yet) raise any additional income as a result of enrolling in this coaching program. I did not gain much in the way of meaningful new knowledge.   In fact, I almost always answered all my own questions (which Gary brilliantly lead me to).  I do see the value in that but consequently do not feel that I 'gained' much.   True, it's not so much about knowing, it's about actually doing.    Doing continues to be an ongoing struggle, some days are great, some not so great.

Particularly I continue to struggle with being organized, I struggle to remain focused, I struggle to remain driven. Despite all the goal setting, affirmations, reminders, etc. I can become complacent alarmingly quickly and am constantly engaged in a war with myself to break out of that mode.

If I sound less than optimistic, it is because there is some trepidation as to if this is going to be the breakthrough I've been looking for or just another false start.   Add to that some fear.  This is my last attempt.  This is my make-it-or-break-it year where I either break out of my limiting patterns and start living the life I want, or after 25 years of study, spending thousands on various success materials and programs and finally on this coaching, if I cannot make a significant difference in my life - then I will be forced to admit that either all this success thinking and Law of Attraction stuff is just hype or that I am simply beyond help.   By the end of this year I will either be living a life on my own terms, making income the way I want and on my way to living life the way I want, or I will stop wasting time and money trying to improve myself and meekly accept my life as a bored and uninspired civil servant, and find ways to distract myself from the drudgery of my life until it's finally over.

Yes, the program has helped, but the first quarter is over, my assigned coaching time is over.  The rest is up to me now.  That's not a comforting thought. I feel like the chick about to be pushed from the nest without any sense on if my wings are strong enough to enable me to fly.

Whatever answers you have for me are already in The Success Principles, in the exercises or available through the coaches.  I will continue to strive forward and endeavor to find them.  Continue to try to make Isagenix (which I started in part thanks to your recommendation) profitable, continue to try to make my writing profitable, look for new, more engaging work, find more enterprising and inspiring people to be around, continue to work on my relationship and life in general.

I am optimistic things will continue to improve and I will shed all the limiting  patterns that have plagued me for so long.  One thing is certain, I no longer take comfort from my comfort zone.  Anytime I find myself there, it is evermore a source of alarm.

I trust I'll be able to write back to you in another three months, with a far more progressive and positive report.

Yours Truly,

Preston Squire

NOTE:  This has become a very popular post (eclipsing all my other posts combined), and by requests has spawned two follow-ups see: Part II and Where I am Now

Hiding in the Closet Part 2

Back in October of 2009 I wrote an blog entitled Hiding in the Closet.   It was probably the best damn thing I've ever written here.  Not because it was exceptionally well worded, or intelligent - it wasn't.  But because it was true.   That was me at my core.  A little boy, hiding in a closet, struggling with depression, afraid of dealing with the outside world.

Odds are, if you are reading this, you, like I, want to break free from the life you're living.   I want it so bad.  You can see through this blog/dairy how I've struggled, trying one thing after another.  Getting myself out of my comfort zone and then, when I'm really started to break free - I backtrack.

It's that God-damn closet.  The God damn closet I hid in as a child.  It's still there in my mind, in my essence.  When I get moving too far, suddenly I stop and distract myself with TV, games, internet, people.   Yeah? So what?  Isn't that what everyone does?

Yes, that is what the vast majority of people do.  Hide in their comfort-zone closets, afraid to break free.

God gave me an image over New Years 2010 of a huge table with every conceivable dish on it.  Every food from all over the world was there from the simplest rice dish to the fanciest caviar.  It was there for everyone to feast on.  Yet most everyone ate from only what was near the edge.  The food they grew up on, because that's what they knew.  They were afraid to try other things, afraid they wouldn't like it, or afraid it wasn't meant for them.  So they stuck to what they knew.

But IT WAS ALL FOR THEM!  COME FORWARD BOLDLY AND TAKE YOUR SHARE God offers, but almost no one listens.  We trap ourselves in the closets of our minds, then distract ourselves from that truth so we don't have to face the fact that we could all be more than what we are currently exhibiting.  "We don't know how!" we cry.  But the truth is, we don't want to know.  We are afraid if we knew, we'd have to do something.  Something, different.  Something outside of our comfort zone.

So here I am once again, making progress in all sorts of areas of my life - I'm as fit as I've ever been, I have a promising career with Isagenix - as a nice lucrative side business, getting my writing going, my relationship is going well and I want to stop and lose myself in trivial things.

I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, and although the potential rewards are amazing, the pain and discomfort are immediate.   Good.  Good.  It's good to be in pain.   I'm in physical discomfort right now from hitting the gym.  Anyone who body builds will tell you that's a good thing.  No pain/no gain.  If I'm not sore, then I haven't worked myself hard enough to build muscle.  

Right now I'm sore and in spiritual discomfort.  I'm exercising my livelihood.   Part of me wants to stop, to make that pain and discomfort go away.  But I can't.  I can't and I won't.  I can't do it.  I can't settle.  I can't live in that Goddamn fucking closet anymore!   I have to get out.  There's life out there.  There's caviar to eat on that table.   I don't want to miss it all.

So even though I'm scared, even though I want to stop, even though I want to take solace in the little things, I can't.   It's too late for me now.  I look in the mirror and I don't see a little boy anymore.  I've always seen a little boy.  I had never grown up.   I look in the mirror and I see a man, fit, slim, trim, and full of promise.

As infants, we have to learn to put down our soothers or pacifiers.  As children we have to leave behind our teddys and security blankets.  As teenagers, we must give up our childish ways and accept responsibilities.  And as adults, we must give up our comfort zones - time and again.

Come join me in stepping outside of the comfort zone - there's life out there.  Let's live it!

Canfield Coaching

Okay, not sure what to talk about today.   Nothing really new to report.  Feeling better on the Isagenix program. Can't wait to see the end results after a month.  Tomorrow I begin my 'cleanse' period where I detox my body.   That should be interesting.  Everyone tends to lose some weight over the cleanse, and have more energy and mental alertness afterwards.   Can't wait!

Canfield Coaching - Isagenix and other matters

Since the last post I'm please to say the coaching line was helping in helping me pare down my list and bring it to two to three items to focus on:

Writing - Which has always been a passion of mine.  I was working on my self-help book Foundation: Timeless Prinicipals for Freeing Your True Potential.  However, as my overarching goal is to make $150,000 this year, and I had no marketing plan for it, I've decided to shelf it for the time being and work on getting the works I have finished published first.

To that end, I've joined a writers association, and a critique group within that association so I can get feedback on my works, improve them and resubmit them to agents/publishers.

Further downstream, I will revisit Foundation and also want to self-publish a comic book series.

Isagenix - Ironically, this was not even on my list, however it seems all gurus recommend multiple sources of income and acknowledge the right multi-level-marketing program can be a good part of that mix.  Jack Canfield himself endorses Isagenix and at this time my friend - who is a personal trainer - obtained a new client.  A self-made millionaire who earned her wealth through Isagenix, a product my friend already used regularly but had never sold.   Seeing is believing so she's got involved and after seeing the health benefits it's had on her and her friend, I took a serious look and decided to give it a try.

Basically, the product works - it makes you lose weight and feel great by cleansing and nutrienting your body. Because people lose weight and feel great, others want to know what they are doing and the product sells itself.

I've just started on the product myself - this is my 4th day.  Am feeling some benefits, and have become appalled by the amount of sugar and utter junk that our society shoves in our faces everyday.  It's no wonder we have an obesity problem when whatever store you go into literally surrounds you with sugar and junk food. 

On the flip side I've been overworking my body by cleansing and working out simultaneously.  One of the higher ups, a professional coach, gave me some great feedback on that which should help my program immensely.

The third thing, would be looking for a new 9-5 job.  This would be a doubled edge sword actually, as having a position where my pay was more inline with performance would certainly encourage me to work at a higher level, at the same time, I have plenty of free time in this job to do things like write this blog, critique stories (and have mine critiqued) and do a bit of Isagenix work or coaching work.

Canfield Coaching - Decisions, Decisions

As mentioned previously, I changed my 'breakthrough goal' from writing an e-book to making $150,000 in 2011 - originally the e-book was a piece of the $150,000 puzzle.

However, in brainstorming ways to make $150,000, I quickly came up with 11 well realized concepts, 8 of which I has already started (and mostly set aside).  Obviously I can't do 11 different things, so I had to go through the process of sizing each one up and determining how effective it would be in reaching my goal.

After a few hours work I narrowed it down to two: Getting Isecas the Dream Cat (series of children's books) published and creating travel Apps for Ontario cities (which don't have it seems).  The e-book was close but these two represented much better prospects for making significant money - this year.

However, my on/off girlfriend and chastized me for not sticking to my 'true purpose' - writing for kids, in particular, writing comics. Why is that my true purpose?  That's a long story for another time, just trust me on that one for now.

I had considered it, it showed up twice in the 11 ideas in different forms, but being an independant comic writer (especially one who can't illustrate) is really hard - or at least, that's been my experience of it from my time in the industry.  Most people who attempt it lose their shirts trying.   The start-up costs are huge.  The development time needed substancial.  Getting distributed, let alone noticed, is a major hurdle, especially for a complete unknown.   The odds are heavily stacked against me, and the possibility of earning $150,000 in 2011 from doing it are completely non-existant to any conventional thinking.   Ending up $150,000 in debt is far more likely.

However, that's not positive thinking, following my passion, purpose or being in accordance to God.  It's just looking at reality and saying 'it's not possible' which, I'm sure most people would agree, is just plain common sense.  However, I'm guilty of saying it myself, if you want an uncommon result, you need uncommon sense.

The fact is, while no one has ever gotten rich quick doing it, people have gotten rich.  Famously Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird who created Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles .  More recently Jeff Smith of Bone.   Lots of others have made a living doing it, many even getting movie deals in the process. 

Problem remains, unless I come up with some completely revolutionary way to making money off the industry, pursuing a career in comics will not only not help me to reach my $150,000 goal, it would in all probabability move me much further from that goal as the start up costs kick in long before profit does.

So what to do?   That is a question I'm about to pose to the coach line and we'll see what they think.  I'll post the answer.

Canfield Coaching - Now This is How You Work a Program

As stated in my last post, last week I was doing a module on Wealth and realized that I - still - had a 'scarcity' mindset which needed to be broken.  In particular, concepts like, "It is easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle, than a rich man to heaven" had me associating wealth with a lack of spirituality.  So while I physically wanted wealth, at a deeper spiritual level I pushed it away.

This wasn't a new revelation but the exercises did help to clarify my belief on the matter.  I knew that in order for me to accomplish any of the things I really wanted to do, that they would involve greater wealth as a consequence and I simply had to shatter that old paradigm.

So of my own accord I committed myself to calling the 'Coach Help Line' every day, as well as using affirmations.  While I have always had unlimited use of the coach line, this was the first time I was actually making use of it in a meaningful way.

I've talked to two men and two women, other than my own coach, on the line and it's been a great experience.  They are all terrific coaches and all have their own way of thinking.  Some focus more on Law of Attraction, others are more pragmatic and focused on goal setting and action.   It's been really great to get such a range of tools and ideas poured out onto me.   It's only encouraging me to use the line more. 

However, it's also caused me to have to rethink what I'm doing.    When I originally set my 'breakthrough goal' to work on, I decided to make it finishing my E-book: Foundation: Timeless Principals for Freeing Your True Potential.   However, one of the coaches asked me if I had a financial goal - which I did and immediately stated to earn $150,000.00 this year (not overly ambitious I know but certainly enough to break me out of my current set ways and limited thinking).  Then she asked if I had a plan on how to do that.   Ah... no...  "Well don't you think seeing some money come in would help break that mindset?" she asks.  Ah... yes...?

Sure my e-book should, with some luck and hard work, make me some money, but that wasn't a part of the goal or the plan really.  As it was set, if I had made a couple hundred off of it, I would have considered it a success.   Which begged the question - why would I set it out like that?  The answer to which was all too obvious.

So I changed my breakthrough goal to earning $150,000.00 in 2011 through my written work.   I then brainstormed how I could make that happen and immediately came up with eleven flushed out concepts for accomplishing that, including Foundation.  All of which are full time careers in and of themselves (at least for a period of time) and 8 of which I'm already have at some point of completion. 

Huh?

Yeah, I have or rather, had, a problem.  I'm great at starting and not so good at finishing it seems.   I'm certainly not the only one, however, at least I now know why.  My scarcity thinking keeps me from aggressively pursuing wealth.  So I work on what may be a great money making concept, for months, or even years but never actually make money. Eventually I get frustrated and petter out. Why?  Because deep-down I didn't want to.  I never really set myself up to.

Even with Foundation, my current project, I find myself with a pre-release version all ready to go, but no way for anyone to pre-order the actual book.   While I only have so many hours in the day, you would still think I would have at least gotten something set up.  But no....    I can only smile at myself at this point.   At least now my own follies are obvious to me and all I can do is continue to progress to breaking down those limiting beliefs and instilling new ones.

With the now daily help of the coach line, I'm feeling more confident than ever that this fundamental flaw will be broken.     

Canfield Coaching - Prosperity Thinking

It's been a while since I've last posted.  Normally that's a sign I'm off my game and not focused.  However, this time it's the exact opposite.  I've been so focused on what I'm doing; coaching materials, writing my e-book, working other programs, building relationships and going on vacation, that blogging continually falls off the bottom of the 'To-do' list.

Usually I do post from work, however, my work schedule has been very full as well recently.   It's finally calmed down a bit so I'm back to blogging as long as that lasts.

I now have a back-log of stuff I'd love to tell you all, but for now, let's stick with what's current.  If time allows I'll backtrack in future posts.

The focus in the coaching right now is on Money and Success.  FINALLY!!  After all, who doesn't want money and success?  Well, actually, I didn't for a very long time.  Some money, of course, enough to live comfortably but really, beyond that, although I had some lofty goals, I didn't have an inate desire for more.  I had, and am currently working on breaking, a poverty consciousness.

Poverty consciousnesses, are actually quite common.  There are so many misconceptions about money and how to earn it, and what type of person you have to be in order to earn it, that people stop themselves from achieving more.   They believe, through subconscious ingrained beliefs that wealth is somehow difficult or impossible to attain, that you need to be especially gifted, or exceptionally well educated or obsessively driven to attain it, or they believe that 'rich' people are inherently bad.  That wealthy individuals are selfish because they don't share their wealth (which is largely a lie), that they live a life style you wouldn't be comfortable living, that they are shallow being consumed with money above all else, or that they stepped all over everyone else in order to get to where they are now.  

With the occassional exception, this is simply not the case.  Most millionaires are decidedly average people.  They do not lead an exceptionally extravagent lifestyle.  Studies show most millionaires, dress casually, drive older used vehicles, and have jobs that people do not consider exceptional.   The real difference, is they are wealth conscious. 

Poverty conscious people think in terms of lack.  They focus on what they don't have the money for.  That they need more money to be happy.  That spending money will make them happy, if only they had more to spend.  They want to earn more, but even when they do - through hard work, they still end up living beyond their means, running up large credit card debts.  Sometimes, they get caught up in trying to live a 'wealthy' lifestyle - 'keeping up with the Jones' but are living on borrowed money and borrowed time. 

"Far too many people spend money they don't have, to buy things they don't need, to impress people they don't like."

To this group Money is an end. They believe becoming rich will enable them to buy those things that make them happy, feel secure and joyeous.
Wealth conscious people aren't focused on the lack of money, regardless of their financial circumstances.  Instead they are focused on how to use the money on hand to build wealth.  They pay themselves first (it's recommended to give yourself 10% first).  Then they use that money for investments, assets, or business opportunities.  They look to create things of value, because anything of value to people has intrinsic worth. They also think in terms of wealth and value.  This is why they commonly own used cars.  The instant you drive a new car off the lot it losses 30% of it's value.  After the first couple years it can be down 50%.  A used vehicle on the other had doesn't suffer from that sort of vast depreciation.   They can sell it after a year for about 80-90% of what they paid.   They want to look good, but they look to buy good quality at cheap prices.  They ask for discounts.  They bargain.  They use the money on hand and if they can't get what they want for the price they are willing to pay, they do without.  They find joy in the savings of money, and the building of net worth.

To this group money is merely a means to an end.  They believe by cutting back and doing with less now, will enable them to enjoy more later.  They are right.

When poverty conscious people dream of being rich, they envision having a million dollars on hand and start devising how they are going to spend that money. However, unless they are superrich or just won a lottery, millionaires do not have a million dollars to spend.  They are worth a million or millions of dollars.  Their money is invested in stocks, bonds, businesses, real estate and other assets.  They are not considering spending any of it, just living off the revenue it generates.  Of the revenue that their money generates, a lot is perpetually put right back into more investments, constantly growing their wealth.

Do you need money to make money?  Yes, there's no denying the potent power of compound interest, but you have to start somewhere, just like anyone.   Most millionaires did not start off rich.  They made their money by building wealth and creating value for others.  Every year there are another 100,000 millionaires in the United States. The majority of them started right where you are now.   If you start to use your money as a tool, paying yourself first, investing it and looking for ways to use it to create value for others (building businesses), you will also start to increase in wealth.

Before you can do that though, you need to break your poverty mindset.  Here is a trick they use in Canfield coaching.

1)Write down every bad association you have heard about money.   IE: "Money doesn't grow on trees," "Rich people should share their wealth" (assumes they don't and are selfish), "You need money to make money," "Everyone can't be a millionaire," "We can't, we don't have the money.", etc.

2)Write down all the ones you relate too or think yourself. 

One I identified was the Mark 10:25 "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."  I believed having wealth made one unspiritual.  So I subconsciously fought against having it.    It is true that you can only have one God.  If you are looking to money to solve all your problems - that is your god.  However Jesus also said "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." ~ John 10:10.
The best things in life are free, but they are still enhanced with money.  Wealth is a necessity for anyone wanting peace of mind, freedom to travel and learn, and the ability to help others.  God must be the answer to your problems, but money is an effective tool for doing the work of the Lord.  The more you have the more effective you can be.

3)Take the prominant belief and make fun of it or turn it around.
So "Money doesn't grow on trees" can become "Money is made from trees, trees are everywhere, so there's potential wealth all over!"
"You have to step on people to get ahead" becomes, "We get ahead by working with other people"

4)Create a new empowering statement and declare this statement to yourself, empathically, three times a day, every day for 30 days.  The more feeling you can muster behind it, the more ingrained it becomes in your subconscious, overwriting old limiting beliefs.

I now pay myself 10% first.  5% straight to investments and 5% to a 'New Business Venture Capital' account.   This will enable me to market my book, work on my website, invest in a multi-level-marketing side business or any other opportunity I see.

I am focuses on dressing like I'm wealthy, acting like I'm wealthy, thinking like I'm wealthy and when I do that consistantly, I will naturally become wealthy, for I am doing, thinking and being as wealthy people do.

There is no magic trick for wealth.  The rules of the road are well documented and easy to find if you look for them.  However, most people are looking for a get-rich-quick scheme or to win the lottery.   There's no scheme and 90% of lottery winners end up financially worse off in five years of winning.   Why?  Because they are still poverty minded.  Looking to money to solve their problems and they spend it - all.   If they were wealth minded, they'd immediately get financial help, invest 90% and live off the 10%  (donating from the 10%, giving family and friends from the 10%, etc.) until the rest starts generating cash flow.  Doesn't sound nearly as appealing does it?  But that would set them up for life, instead of a few years of glory and then back to poverty.  Plus, since they now have a nice work-free income to live off of, they have their whole lives to find more ways to - create more wealth and value! Which generates more money, which they can partly use to create more wealth and value, which makes more money, which... etc., etc.

Canfield Coaching - Core competency

Don't have much time here today so I'll keep this brief.

One of the things I picked up from the Canfield Coaching materials is the concept of sticking to one's core competency.   Stick to what you're good at and the things you're not particularly good at or don't enjoy doing, delegate out as much as possible.  This is in like with other works I've been hearing about, and I decided to apply it.

I had a job I'd been hired to do (writing) which definitely wasn't my core competency nor was I motivated to do it, so I delegated it out, loosing some of the net worth of the agreement but still, getting it fulfilled (I hope, we have to see how this turns out) without it sucking up all my time and energy.

Next I want to apply that to my book - Dillon's Dilemma.  Getting someone else to work on finishing it, even if it means sharing writing credits and revenue.  Better it get done than remain undone.

As those two were my most pressing matters prior to the coaching call, and I had already answered my own questions, it didn't leave much for my coach to do other than confirm I'm on the right track.

This week the assignment is on time management, and for that I'm glad as that's an area I probably need a lot of help in. lol. 

Canfield Coaching - Goal Setting Part B

I could just erase the original blog post now, but I won't because I think it's important you see the struggles as well as successes.

Just as I was finishing writing that, my accountability partner called and after listening to me grip for a bit, reminded me my top value was God Faring, not Canfield Coaching faring, and maybe I should look to God for direction.  

Ironically, I already had.  I just hadn't liked the answer the Lord had given me.  Lol!  Often, I'll pose a question to the Lord in a bedside journal and in the morning, write down whatever first comes to mind which is often amazingly insightful (if I don't over-think it and just let it flow without my own mind jumping in).   I had already asked the question and the answer I got (which I had to check, because I'd mentally discarded it) was not to work on my novel, as I put down in the Canfield Coaching exercises but instead to finish my e-book in time for my accountability partner to use it to help promote her own work.  

To me, that was just a short term goal and since I don't know how I'll really make money off it yet, or really promote it, I didn't consider it as a 'breakthrough' goal as Canfield was asking for.  However, my accountability partner is right, God knows more than I do.  Really I want to see the whole plan, so I know why I'm bothering to do this now, but like a soldier on the battlefield, I don't know the plan, I won't know the plan and it's probably best I don't, so I just focus on what it is I'm doing right now.   I'm sure God will make more clear to me as I do as He instructs.

At any rate, setting that goal was a whole lot more fun and exciting than the novel.   It's something I can finish relatively quickly, looks to be interesting and engage me creatively on different levels (need a cover, and marketing).  The rewards, in whatever form they come in, will be much more immediate as well.

So many thanks to my accountability partner, I know she's reading this ( Love you! ) and of course to God for always providing me with guidance even when I'm a little to thick-headed to follow right away and need some extra encouragement (please help me to be more diligent in future Lord.  Love you too!).

So while it took most of today and good chucks of Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I got all my assignments done a day early again.  Whew!  Time for bed.  Later.  

Canfield Coaching - Goal Setting

Spent the better part of today working through all the goal setting exercises in the Canfield Coaching module.

The idea of goal setting is of course to
A) Determine what you want, clearly, and make is measurable
B) Determine what you'll focus on first and foremost
C) Break it down into individual steps
D) Make a daily action plan
E) Go!
F) Motivate and inspire you to pursue your goals

Well, I listed out my various goals (again, that's nothing new), and assigned dates to them (again nothing new for the major ones at any rate), and broke them down into individual steps.  Also nothing new, although I haven't done it quite to the extent Canfield suggests.

Am I motivated?  Oh hell... no!  Totally de-motivated by this exercise.   Looking at what I picked for my 'Breakthrough Goal', and all the steps involved, and work involved, and cost involved.   Four years of work, plus hundreds of dollar, plus more work to come up with those hundreds of dollar not in my budget, with of course, no guarantee of success and in fact, Canfield himself gives accounts of people trying and failing (only to try again and eventually succeed).   The thought of investing upwards of four years, plus spending even more money, after the five years and hundreds I've already spent trying to realize this goal, just is not exciting me in the slightest little bit.   In fact, it's making being a bum and just kicking back and playing video games while I cruise in my comfy government job, sound, oh, so appealing.   It's no wonder I did that for that last year.  I was burnt out.

Of course, I didn't pay all this money for coaching just to quit.  And really, I wish the coaching line was open at this time.... or is it?  Nope, just missed them.  Forgot they are on the west coast and there's a 3 hour time difference (or is it four because of Daily Savings Time?).   Regardless, I missed them, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow to get their feedback into my present mindset.

Canfield Coaching - My New Values

It took some time and dedicated effort but I now have a set of values that truly inspires and excites me.

As this is an important step and one you may benefit from as well, I will step you through the process I took and explain how I got to my current list of values.

First I just wrote out all those values that are important to me.  I did this based on what currently drives me, my current thoughts, actions and beliefs.  So this list reflected those values that I currently respond to and work towards.

I then took the time to put them in priority from most important to least.  This can be a difficult process as often it's hard to choose one over the other, but I merely took them, one by one and gave myself an either/or choice between the one I was working on and every other value on the list.  If I could only have one, which would I choose?  Which has won out in the past?  As long as the one I was working with won out, I stuck with it, if another won out, I'd continue down the list with it instead.  I continued this for each.

I was quite surprised by how some ranked. For example, my top value was honesty/integrity.  To be ranked number one meant I'd rather have people think I'm honest then love me, and I'd rather be honest than loving and responsible.   Did this cause me pain?  You bet!!  Brutal and often unnecessary honesty caused a lot of unneeded tension in my relationships. Obviously, I'm not promoting dishonesty, but this is fear-based honesty.  Some part of my subconscious deemed it necessary to tell the truth, almost at all costs, to avoid pain, but really this often created pain that simply didn't need to exist. Ironically, because of my major moving-away from values (pain) was 'people thinking I lacked integrity' and pain trumps pleasure, I would occasionally omit the truth, when, if by not doing so, would cause them to question my integrity.  If asked, I'd always admit the truth (as blatant lying would call my integrity into question even internally) but this is still self-defeating.  Now you might think that's normal behaviour but I was so tied up with maintaining integrity that I'd be hiding the truth, not because it might hurt someone, or because I had done something wrong, in most cases I had done nothing wrong at all, but the mere thought that what I had done could be misconstrued would cause me to want to hide it, then when questioned, admit it (even if it wasn't a loving or responsible thing to do), which just caused hurt or raised suspicion that I must be hiding something.   Talk about ineffective values alignment.

Next, I listed those things I moved away from.  Those things which drove me to take action to avoid them. I then put them in order as well.

So my initial list - showing what was driving me to act to gain pleasure or avoid pain came out as follows:

Towards Values                            Away Values

Honesty / Integrity                        Perceived lack of integrity
Love                                            Hatred
Responsibility                               Humiliation
Family                                          Anger
Spirituality/God                            Depression
Learning & Growing                     Loneliness
Health                                          Boredom
Respect                                       Uncertainty
Fun/Adventure
Creativity/Ingenuity
Contribution
Peace of mind
Intelligence
Financial diligence
Generousity
Security
Freedom

This is a very useful exercise to understand what's currently driving me and shaping my life but at this point it's not very effective for moving forward.  In the past I'd have taken the extra step of rearrange them into a more logical and productive order but that's about it.  And then I'd normally forget about them.  Why wouldn't I?  They were the values I'd been living everyday.

But this time, following Anthony Robbin's direction (in his book Awaken the Giant Within), I took it further.  I laid out what were the characteristics of the person who I aspired to become.  Then I asked, to become this person, are there other values, I currently don't have that I needed to adopt.  There sure was!!  One that dramatically stuck out was that I wanted to be successful (financial abundance, fame, recognition, etc) yet nothing in my current values aspired to that.  There were several others as well.

Then I looked at the expanded list and for each asked, 'If this necessary? What does it cost me to have this value? To have it here on this list?'  I removed a couple and reordered them in the order that would be required to most effectively drive me to become the person I had just described wanting to be.

In doing so I really challenged myself on certain ones.  Most notably, moving Spirituality and God Faring to number one.  Although I'm a little ashamed to admit it, there was a lot of resistance to this move.  However, after some debate it was very clear the pros of that move far outweighed the perceived negatives which really were all baseless fears, like I would lose my freedom, that I wouldn't have any fun, that I'd become a religious stick-in-the-mud.   Even as I moved through today, it became clear, that this was the right choice though.  Placing it as number one also allowed me to drop several other values, such as integrity and responsibility as leaving a life in accordance to God would necessitate those traits anyway.

I did the same for the 'moving away from list' taken out some things which, while unpleasant, shouldn't be discouraging me from taking appropriate action.

Lastly I wrote out what each of those values meant to me.   This was more productive than I initially thought it'd be, as it really helped to clarify what each meant and promoted me to merge/eliminate and even add some values to the list as the bigger picture of what they stood for, individually and collectively became clear.

What follows is that detailed list of my new values.  I was initially hesitant to put that here but what a better way to create leverage than to publicly declare what they are so people can hold me accountable to them?

Spiritual/God Faring – I seek both constant communion with my Higher Source (God) and to live in obedience to God’s will.  Drawing on God for a source of greater wisdom, greater strength, greater understanding and grace.  To read the bible (and other holy works) through to gain a greater understanding of God’s will.

Health / Vitality – To ensure my own health and vitality (and that of those around me) to enable me to achieve at the highest levels.   To exercise, eat right (nutritionally, sufficiently), be energetic (get enough sleep, vitamins), look after my well-being (be proactive in defending against illness, seek help and advice when needed).

Lead / Passionate – To not wait for others, but to take the initiative and act when need arises, opportunity presents itself or as prompted by God.  To make decisions based on what’s best for me and others.  To really believe in myself, my God and my goals, passionately with joy and vigor. To consider the bigger picture, to choose that which is best for all, to consider how my decisions and actions may affect others.  To do that which has the bigger long term gain or benefit.  To be aware of what other’s may hope to gain or lose.

Love / Compassion / Social – To love all and be compassionate.   To place a high value on love, making room for it in my life and giving freely of love.  To show genuine compassion and interest for others, including strangers and those who might be considered enemies.  To take an active interest in people and learn from them what I can.  To pour into others and be someone everyone would be happy to call ‘friend’.  For people are my second greatest resource (after God), and a seed planted here will reap me thirty, sixty a hundred times over.


Family – My family is my responsibility and I always look to provide for them, to help them to grow and develop and to provide a loving, nurturing environment.  To help my (grand)children (and nieces and nephews) succeed in life and to be a wonderful, giving, caring and fitting partner to my wife.

Literate – To use the gifts God’s given me to teach, enlighten and entertain as many as I can through writing, public speaking, creative initiative and use of various media to transmit a heart warming mission of hope, faith and success.   To touch people’s hearts, minds and souls with stories that provide a welcome distraction from their realities and provide them with the profound knowledge to improve their realities.

Fun / Adventure – To enjoy the hell out of life!  To look for ways to sprinkle joy in all I do.  To be entertaining and fun to be around.  To take vacations and travel, exploring new things and activities.  To partake of all that life has to offer (without killing or seriously injuring myself or others).  To be daring and adventurous, not afraid to take chances (smart ones).  To be bold but always with a smile and twinkle in my eye.  If life is a game, play to win, but also enjoy the game and help others to win too.

Achievement / Status – To always challenge myself to do more, to live a life that’s happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.  To be the living embodiment of success.  Fit, healthy body, financial prosperity, business acumen and development (of my creative ventures), to be known and respected for my works, to be able to reach more people because of my wealth and fame, to dress for success (look sharp), to own nice things (house, cars, toys, travel), have a dynamic and passionate love life and wonderful family life.  To be wise and learned.  To be a bright light in the world.  To show down-to-earth compassion and live a life of contribution.  To be an example for others.  Not to try to be superhuman nor perfect but to live joyeously at the highest level by moving boldly, confidently, and in alignment to God and my values.

Personal Development – To always be looking to expand myself, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, through education, exercise (not just physical) and coaching.   To always be learning and sharing.  To always keeping myself engaged and challenged.  To not settle but have fun expanding myself, my knowledge and my spirituality.  To keep an open mind to new concepts.  To remain current with the times, using what the world offers to reach and impact the most people, especially the young.

Contribution – Although this is written in throughout my values, to always be looking for ways to give back to the world.  To leave this world better than I found it.  To help others.  To teach, enlighten and entertain.  To use my time, money, fame and literary gifts to help the less fortunate.  To look for ways to leave a lasting legacy, with gifts that keep on giving. 

Next on my to-do list: Do the Canfield Coaching module on goal setting (now based on my new values)

Canfield Coaching - A Value-Able Lesson

As I look to (re)start a values driven life, I'm going through Anthony Robbin's Awaken the Giant Within, which has a great chapter on values.   Yes, I know you're probably more interested in Canfield Coaching, but despite the fact my coach got me onto redoing my values (see last post - Eureka...?) it's doesn't appear to be one of the things Jack Canfield teaches.  At least not that he had a pre-made lesson on in the coaching program or I've yet to come across in the book/tapes.

Now I have done a values exercise in the past few years, but amazingly, I haven't done it the Anthony Robbin's way.   This astounds me as I'd thought I read through and put this book into practise a few times already.  However, as I'm reading this chapter, which is late in the book, it's all fresh to me.  I know I read it at least twice or three times many, many years ago, but apparently not recently.   While I have picked up this book for review in the past few years, I apparently did not get this far in the book, nor read through it in detail when I last did value exercises.

The difference being, in the past, including just last September, when I did my values,  I would list my values and then prioritize them.  Robbins goes deeper than that.   He has you really look at your values in depth in comparison to what you want to achieve.   Are those the values that will take you where you want to go?  Do you need to adopt new values?  What do these values cost you (especially where they are ranked)?  To achieve your goals what would be the optimum values hieracy? What are the values that you move away from (Anger, fear, humiliation, etc.)?

For example, Tony Robbins originally had Passion as his #1 value.  I think it's evident that he's still a very passionate guy.  However, as he first put himself through this exercise, he realized that having passion as his #1 value had a lot of detriments.  For one, his Health (his #10 value) was suffering.  He wasn't eating properly or sleeping properly, working too hard, on the road too much, and making some poor decisions all while demanding his energy levels to be sky-high to be passionate.  He was running himself into the ground.  In his revised value hieracy, Health became #1 and Passion dropped to #5.  Freedom, his previous #2 value, dropped from the list completely.  He had all the freedom he could want, except the freedom to choose those things that might benefit him but trade off on his freedom.    While Robbins doesn't state it as a problem for him, I've met guys where their high value of Freedom is preventing them from having what they really want - a lasting and meaningful relationship.

Now I must admit, I have not, in recent times, deeply examined and revised my values to serve my longterm goals in such a way.   Why not?  Honestly I don't know.  I am shocked.  Perhaps subconsciously, I didn't want to.  

Tonight I'll be sitting down and really going through this exercise, so next post, I'll share my new values with you.