A New Beginning

Very soon I will be starting a new chapter in my life.   I am moving from my house in Oshawa where I lived with my son (and visiting daughter) for the last 6 years to an apartment (still in the process of looking) as of September (barring unforseen circumstances) where I will live all by myself.

So new city, new place, new life after kids (mostly), and since I'm going to be substancially closer to work (and friends, girlfriend and my daughter) I will reclaim an hour and a half of every day or more, thanks to no commute.

As mentioned in my last post, I'm also going through the process of re-examining my goals and dreams to determine what I want to do with the rest of my life. Nothing is off the table.  It's like I'm 20 again and everything is possible.   

This will take some time and careful consideration but one thing that's been repeatedly put before me is my website http://www.thecuphalffull.com/, which has been largely negleted for the last few months after I realized I wasn't going to be able to achieve my vision for it.   That is, unless it became my main focus in life.    Which could happen after the move.  

My one passion is to reach other people.   For many years I thought this would be through books / comics / and such.   But I've always struggled to write books.   Even though I enjoy the work, it always feels like a chore to start.   And it's slow....   And now that I think of it, perhaps archaic.  Sure people still read books, and comics but more and more the vast majority of people's reading is right here: online.

So why shouldn't I focus on that?  I can still write books and such on the side as well.   No reason not too. 

Nothing is written in stone, but if I do decide to follow this path, then expect some big changes over the coming months for the website as I move it towards it's true intended vision.

Dated Dreams?

Guy Finley has ruined my life.  lol.  Sorta.

As you can see from the lack of posts both here and at my main site (http://www.thecuphalffull.com/) over the last few months, I had lost my enthusiasm for this venture.   Not only that, but for my written work as well.  

I've been playing with restarting some sort of 100 Day Challenge or doing some new goal setting or something but haven't because why should I have to?  If I have a passion for something, why should I have to constantly be pressuring myself to do it?   Some pressure to take definitive action, but the desire to act should be there already.

Then Guy Finley, who sends me regular e-mails, has the audasity to suggest the following:

"Your present dreams about where to find happiness and fulfillment are the very things that stand between you and the real happiness and fulfillment you seek."

That statement might seem contrary to everything you've ever seen me talk about but it made immediate sense.

Our dreams are generally formed when we're children or young adults.  But it's at this time that we are most under the influence of whatever limiting paradigms that we have subconsciously adopted in our childhoods.
So those dreams, that we've longed to achieve are dreams created while under the influence of limited beliefs.

Now, to be honest, I'm not sure that's where Guy is going with that, as I'd have to pay $3.00 to find out.   I probably will cough up the $3 as I've got to admit I'm curious to hear his take, (simply havn't had time yet) but regardless, the above realization got me thinking.

Are those dreams, of being a writer, etc, really what I want?  It that really what I should be doing?   Or have I just let my old dreams persist long beyond they should have?  Now that I'm aware of old limiting paradigms, what new dreams should I aspire too?   What do I really want to do?  What's my passion?

I don't know.   I think I'll need to retreat from life, the physical world with all it's immediate needs, for a bit to reorient myself to this new line of thinking.   And pose these questions at a deep level, close to source (God) to find a pure answer.   Until then, I'm stuck in a bit of limbo, not sure how to proceed.

I'll keep you posted.

It's Never Done

In a number of areas in my life, I'm happy but not fully fulfilled.  That is to say, I'm grateful for what I have, it's comfortable and pleasurable but it's not at a level I really want it to be.

This lead me to a question of whether one should live in a state of discontent, demanding more out of life and expecting it - walking in faith, or if one should merely be grateful for what one has.  Or both.

Both points certainly have merit.  Unless we are following our true desires we simply aren't living.  We're existing.  By chasing our desires, we grow, we expand, we remain motivated and enraptured with life, even while it challenges us.  God asks us to walk in faith.  To be bold, go forth and to trust in Him (assuming right action).

At the same time maintaining an attitude of gratitude is immensely important.   Whatever we focus on we draw into our lives.  So if we look at what we lack, we'll tend to attract more of that.  We need to be focused on what is bringing us pleasure to attract more of that instead.  If you do not appreciate what God has already given you, why should you be given more?

This lead me to another question.  What if you have a job or relationship you really enjoy but isn't fulfilling you at a level you really want to be fulfilled at?  Do you leave it, boldly expecting to find something better?   What if you don't?  What if you go forth only to realize that what you had was already great?  Or you simply fail to find what you were looking for and have lost what you had?   Or the reverse:  What if by holding on to what you have, you lose the potential to find that which you really want?

This is especially poi-tent if you happen to enjoy the relationship, job, etc., you are already in.  Why ruin or disregard something that really hasn't done any wrong by you?   You could fish for something better while maintaining what you have but that just really feels like cheating, doesn't it?

While pondering this, I was reminded that it's never finished.  The job is never done.  Even when you accomplish your goals or even your dreams, it's never done.  You're happy for a period, but soon you start desiring more, or something else, or to bring this happiness to others, or what have you.   You need another goal, another dream to keep you moving.

Even if you were to find the most idealistically, wonderful, dream-like relationship with a super charged sex life, it simply can't be maintained at that level for long.   Life is simply too traumatic.    It's like a ship in the ocean.  You may have ideal conditions today, but tomorrow the seas may be rough.  In fact, you're guaranteed to be met with advise conditions sooner or later.   So even if things are perfect, they don't remain that way, not without constant effort.

A garden is another fine example.

Here's a story.

A pastor was driving through the countryside and noticed a beautiful farm house.  The lawn and garden were lush and well manicured.  The barn, fine and full.  The fields bursting with near ripe crops in prime condition.  In the field, slowing approaching the road, sat a farmer in his tractor.  The pastor was so impressed he decided to stop the car and waited for the farmer to reach him.

Once the farmer was in earshot, the Pastor yelled out, "This is a beautiful house and farm you have."

"Well, yep, it is.  Thank you," replied the farmer.

"You must be so grateful to God for having provided this all for you," stated the Pastor.

The farmer took off his hat, scratched his head and chewed on his straw before replying, "Well, yep, I most certainly am.  But you should have seen the condition He had it in before I arrived."

It's funny because it's true.   It took a tremendous amount of time, effort and dedication to get the farm to that state.  Nor will it stay that way without endless time, effort and dedication.  It would start to slide back into the condition the farmer first found it in.  It's never done.

But the key, is to find a good plot of land to start with and build from.   The same can be said for most other things.   If you have a good solid relationship, build on that.  If you have a good job, build on that.  Look for ways to increase and build upon that solid foundation.

Once you've taken what you have as far as you can, and you will very likely be surprised by how far you can take something when you really put your mind, time and effort into it, with faith, if after that you're still feeling unfulfilled then you should seriously consider looking for something else.   But you will either create the very relationship, career, home, financial situation, etc., you wanted or will have developed the skills necessary to turn it into a reality once you find the proper base to work from.

So don't fuss if it's not perfect.   The job will never be done.   Just keep moving forward, follow your bliss and be grateful for what you have.   Just be sure to recognize the value of what you have before you leave it for something else.

That reminds me of another story, a true one, or so I'm told.   

A farmer in Africa, sick of toiling away in the nutrient-poor fields for a penance, heard about diamonds being discovered elsewhere.   Realizing that such a discovery could make him rich, he sold off his farm, pack his belongings and went looking for diamonds.  He looked and looked in vain, eventually dying a broke and broken man.    

The man who bought the farm, wanted to make irrigation lanes from a stream that cut through the property.  While working in the stream, the man discovered a strange rock which turned out to be a diamond.  He sold the farm for many millions of dollars to a mining company. 

The first man was always looking for riches elsewhere, and elsewhere the riches always were.  The second looked for ways to make what he had richer, and riches followed.

Another Day

Just looking at that previous post I had made.  It's easy to see I was really connected when I wrote that.  It just flowed without any preconceptions of what to write or any editing afterwards.   I love that.

Today, is not one of those days.   Life has dragged me back.  I won't say back 'down' as I don't like the connotations there but life has pulled me back into the dramas of life and away from Source.  From my connection with God.

How did that happen?  Little by little.  Life has a habit of chipping away at you with this drama and that.  Specifically, I did separate from the woman I've been seeing for the last three months.  It was mutual and amicable and really I feel very much for the best for both of us.   We're better friends than lovers.  However, then there's the void that creates, and life starts it's little drama's.    Wants to sell the story that the void means something.   That perhaps somehow I'm not good enough, or that I'm lacking in some way.  Certainly I'm lacking a lover and all that entails so now I should feel lonely.  Feel tired of dating.  Frustrated.  Etc.

Poppycock, the lot of it!   The void is necessary.  It IS progress.  See: The Vacuum Law of Prosperity
That which I want to attract into my life, cannot come until a place is made ready for it.   You do not invite dinner guests and then not set a place at the table for them.   And so in order to find the woman I do want, I need to first create the void for her to fill.  

Now sometimes we set a place at the dinner table for a special guest and they run late, or worse, don't show.  We don't do ourselves any favours looking at that empty spot and feeling sorry for ourselves that it's empty.  It's there for when our guest comes.  Sure it's nice they come when we want but the world doesn't cater to our every whim.   We must accept it as it is.  When the guest arrives, the place is ready, the food is ready, all is set.   If our invited guest simply doesn't show, then that spot is available for someone else to fill.  But it must be available, so when company does come, we can make them feel at home, desired, appreciated and fuel their desire to return.

If we listen to the lies, the spot will begin to irritate us.  A constant reminder of what we're lacking.  We may clear it off.  Toss the food.  Drink the wine.  Have ourselves a righteous little pity party.  And then when company arrives unexpected, what do we do?  We are not prepared.  We have nothing to offer and they obligingly leave us alone.  The void is necessary.

The void is progress.  It means I'm not holding on to some long lost thing or faint hope.  It means my affairs are in order.  It means a spot has been made ready.   I do not need to look at it in regret, as life would suggest, I can choose to look at it in expectations that soon it will be filled and enjoy the anticipation of what wonders that person will bring.