Quiet Time

It's midnight.  I went to bed a couple hours ago with my wife, who has early morning clients, but I've never been one to sleep so early.  Sure enough, an hour and a half later I was still up, so after wasted some time on my Wii (or my step-son's Wii to be specific) I decided to do something a little more meaningful and blog.

As I worked on our budget and she packed my lunch for tomorrow (something I always intent to do but rarely seem to get around to) we marveled at how divinely we were fitting into each other's life.   For as I would rarely take the time to pack a lunch, she would rarely take the time to properly budget her money but also always mean to.   We were filling a need in each other's life, almost without even trying, just by being ourselves.

If you have been following this blog, then you know I married my wife out of faith more than any common sense.  Heck, common sense would have railed against it.   Nor was it faith in our ability to make it work, but faith that that is where God was leading us, despite ourselves.  So we both got ourselves out of God's way and followed His plan, not ours.

While it hasn't been without issue, the merger of our lives, that is, two very independent people who have been single and single parents for fifteen years each, has been remarkably wonderful.   It's just been a joy to slip into his married life.   It's almost like we're living a dream.   It's practically too easy at times.  I never expected that.  I trusted God we'd make it work with His help, and we are, but I didn't expect it to go as smoothly as it has.

Now there was a point were we both started slipping into our old patterns but once we reached out for God, we popped back out of those and life has been ... lovely.

Having walked off this proverbial cliff and ended up with such a wonderful result, I can hardly wait to do so in other areas of my life!  Especially in my employment.  However, while I'm fully confident I am not where God wants me to be, I do not yet have a clear indication of where exactly God wants me to be.  So I'm committing that to prayer along with a list of other things.

As mentioned in an earlier post, the one thing God has prompted me to do is to resume blogging.  Although I was a little reluctant at first I am very grateful I obeyed.  I have always found it a useful exercise and I hope it  is a blessing for you, the eventual reader, as well.

Now, I'm going to do at least a little post in my sister-blog thecuphalffull.com as well - which I have been so far ignoring.   I don't know what I want to do with it but I'll just write whatever God brings into my head and we'll see.

God Bless,

PS

Centennial Post

At the titles suggests, this is indeed my 100th post on this blog.  

It seems as good as time as any to reflect back over the length of this blog journey and draw some conclusions as to what has happened over the last 3 and a quarter years since I started this blog, where I'm going and what it all means.

I goes without saying, that this journey, like anyone's, has had it's ups and downs and has been a struggle at times.   There is nothing unique about that, and really, in the end, that is exactly what this autobiographical blog is really about.  It is meant to show that people, no matter who they are, and what life they lead, are not so different that you.   The circumstances way differ wildly but in the end, we are all human, we all struggle to find some reason for our own existence and to find joy in our lives.

What is different, is how we go about it.   I've learned enough to know that true success is living a life that brings joy to you and others.  Having a lot of money, or fame, or power, doesn't make you successful.  Rich and powerful people struggle with having a joy filled life just the same as someone who's waiting tables.  Rich people can just buy more and better distractions from their areas of lack and discontent.

So if money, power and fame are not indicators of success, then what is?

Purpose, compassion and love.

If you have a driving purpose in your life, something you truly believe in and are absolutely committed to achieving; if you have a compassion for others and are committed to helping others - in deed not just thought; and if you give and receive love freely, then you can consider yourself successful.  These are the building blocks that inevitably bring a sense of joy and a reason for being.

That may sound like a lot of liberal crap but I also find those people who are truly living 'on target', often find those worldly things, such as money, comes easy.   But for them money, fame and power are mere tools.  Not things to be sought in and of themselves, but simply a means to an end.  

To simplify, instead of becoming a leader to become rich, famous and powerful, one becomes a leader, accepting the pay, power and prestige as necessary, in order to make the world a better place.

The other great truth I've found is that it's not about me.   It's not about fixing myself so I can be some kind of 'super' person and achieve huge success.  It's about finding your God given purpose and then simply (which is easy said than done) getting out of God's way and allow Him to fulfill that purpose through you.

 As I reflect back on my life, pretty much every great break-through, if not all of them, were God's doing, not mine.  Looking back on it now it's a wonder I ever had this notion that I'm suppose to be some kind of uber-human success machine.   When every time I'm in trouble and I reach out to God, and He answers, when He comes powerfully into my life to push it forward, time and again, why would I still think it's about me and what I can do?

Probably because I live in a society where belief in God is no longer trendy, where we are constantly bombarded with the idea of individual success, and where success 'gurus' replace 'God' with 'The Secret' because let's face it, 'God' doesn't sell in the 21st century North America.  

The movie, 'The Secret' purposefully skipped a crucial step of the process even though many of the 'guru's in it know it and promote it (although most, like myself until recently, avoid using the term 'God' or water it down greatly to reach more people).   That step is this:  It's not about the 'universe', IE: God, coming into alignment with you and all your (petty) desires.  It's about you coming into alignment with the 'universe', IE: God, and His plan for your life.   Once you are in alignment with God and His plan, then, yes, absolutely, He's going to start to make things happen in your life - as long as you remain in action and have faith.   If you need more money, more will be on it's way, if you need fame, you won't be able to help but obtain it, that is as long as you remain in alignment and agreement.    However, God is going to constantly push you out of your comfort zones and that's where we struggle to remain in agreement with His plan and able to 'receive' as 'The Secret' puts it. 'The Secret' makes it seem as if we can have whatever we want the way we want it.  No, not at all.   However, if you come into (and stay in) agreement and alignment with God's plan, what you ultimately receive will be greater than whatever you thought you wanted in the first dang place.

So, in conclusion, where I am after over twenty-five years of self-improvement books, tapes, seminars, courses and coaching, three plus years of success blogging and 100 posts in this autobiographical blog? I'm coming into alignment with God's plans for my life and starting to reap the rewards that brings.  I have a lot of work to do.  Of course I do.  I'm still here writing this.   The instant my work is done, my lessons learns, then my heavenly Father will call me back.  And that's okay, because if I'm called back early because I was an able student, then that, my dear, dear friends, is success.   Living until 125 and then running out of gas without ever having understood where I was going, would not be a worthwhile life to live.

Fortunately, since I have not intention of dying soon, I still have a lot of work to do.   And as always, this blog, and others, are a part of that work.  A look forward to writing another 100 posts.   

Preston Squire

A New Life - ?

A year ago, on New Year's Day, I woke up, deliriously from a high fever, alone on the kitchen floor, in a tiny, crappy apartment in the poor part of town, my girlfriend having dumped me hours before, deep in debt and utterly frustrated with my life.  However, I was blogging because I had committed to changing the quality of my life.

As I write this first blog posting of 2012, and look back at some of my 2011 posts (unfortunately I don't have time at this moment to review them all) I see that in many profound ways my life is different but in others life is repeating itself.

First off, and perhaps most significantly, I have gone from a believer in 'The Secret' and my own ability to succeed to a believer in Jesus Christ and His ability to succeed through me, despite myself.

Secondly, I am now three weeks married to the very woman who had dumped my sorry ass last year at this time.   I have moved out of my crappy apartment, and am currently residing in her all around nicer apartment as we strive for a larger place for our now larger family.  I now have a step-son, whom I love, in my life, and I really enjoy having a child in the house again. I didn't realize how much I missed that.

Thirdly, I realize the importance of commiting oneself absolutely to an ideal, path or purpose.  There can be absolutely no half-measures.  There can be no fall-back; it is success or nothing.   That is to say, your mindset must be success is the only acceptable option.  Failure to achieve 100% is simply not an option.
The instant it becomes an option, it becomes your destiny, because, in the end, we're all prone to go with the easiest 'win'.  The first point ties into this as well.  Faith, that when your best isn't good enough, God will take you the rest of the way is paramount.   So far, that is one 'truth' that I have found to work.  But only when this concept of complete conviction to achieving is applied.

So those are the areas where my life is different, but in some areas it's remained, at the moment at least, the same:

1) I'm still in the same go-nowhere job which, while I don't loathe it, I have long sought to leave.  I did, in fact, change positions for three months in the summer but then had to return and after a week of total revulsion have again gotten comfortable in this career rut.

2) I'm still writing but have not yet gotten a book published.  Actually, truth be told I haven't written anything in a couple months - mainly because I was totally pre-occupied with God moving in my life and getting married after a brief engagement period and then taking Christmas break.  Life has gone back to normal- or a 'new normal' as my wife and I have begun calling it and it's time for this to simple be done.  That is to say, if I'm going to write, I have to finally commit absolutely to making that happen or pass this cup.

3) After a couple months of tremendous movement in my life, I have slowly fallen back into old comfort zone patterns and they are not serving me, at all.

4) I'm in the process of defining how I want my life to look, although now jointly with my wife.

While I marvel at this wonder that God has created in my life very suddenly and quite unexpectedly, called marriage, I have prayed all along that while it is a tremendous blessing and puts me in more fertile soil, it itself is not, and cannot, be the only change in my life.   I must change and through that change, everything around must change as well.   That includes my relationships, my job, my lifestyle and especially, living outside of my comfort zone, at least, most of the time.

God has called me to Lead, to Love and to Literate (that is, to write).   None of those come naturally to me, but that is irrelevant.  They come naturally to my heavenly Father, all I have to do is allow Him to flow through me.  It is the process of getting me out of His way that is the challenging part.  Especially because God always takes me way out of my comfort zones.  But I have to trust in Him and commit myself absolutely to those three pillars before I will become that person that I have been called to be.    I managed to do it long enough to get married, despite myself (and trust me, it was through no genius of mine that it happened) now as I continue to do so, God will reshape other areas of my life as well.

I look forward to reviewing this a year from now and seeing how much more my life has grown.  Join me why don't you?