Finally, after all these years, years of self-development books, audio series, seminars, programs, coaching... Finally I understand why I do some of the things I do.
A let me tell you, the truth hurts.
My wife has been listening to podcasts from Jeffery Combs of Golden Mastermind Training for our MLM business - Isagenix.
I've been catching some of them and one in particular resonated. Enough I signed up for his free series on the subject. That resonated even more so I ended up buying his whole program. Listening to him talk is like taking the worst tasting medicine in the word. It tastes so bad it makes you want to cry but you know it's good for you, so you take it and take some more, no matter how bitter it gets.
The startling truth I've been forced to confront is that I have suffered from chronic procrastination.
I say startling, because I have never identified myself as a procrastinator and neither has anyone else. I've asked my friends and family for honest feedback about my character defects many times, procrastination was never amoung the list of faults. To be honest, if it was, I'd have denied it. Look at all the books I've written (unpublished), all the blogs I've created (unprofitable), my MLM business (also unprofitable) plus I could point to a dozen other things. To be sure I've always kept myself busy - but rarely productive.
Jeff Combs says, and I agree, no one is a 'procrastinator'. We all procrastinate over isolated areas where we feel anxious over the outcome of completing a set course of action. Which is true. However some people have self defeating habits/traits and I have been one.
Jeff breaks procrastinators down into six personality types. Few people fit any one type exactly, most people have traits of several and I certainly fit into the latter.
I won't go into specifics for all but will touch on the ones that relate to me and have explain some of my own behaviour to me.
The 'Big Hat, No Cattle' type tends to make big plans, but fail to develop the necessary traits to fulfill those plans. They have a sense of entitlement, that they are so talented, that the world will see their ability and all their lofty goals will be achieved as a result. We look for a lot of short-cuts, not wanting to put in the long, (boring) work to achieve the goal, the way 'average' people do it. No we're better than that, more talented, smarter, more creative - so we think. We have something to prove, having come from homes where we felt the need to prove ourselves. Perhaps one or both parents rejected us, or we were made to feel we were never good enough somehow. Deep inside, we don't feel worthy. So we set impossible goals, have fuzzy plans, and when we fall short, it's okay because we have an even better idea and goal to work on.
In the end it's all a form of procrastinating.
Now I understand why I can get an agent interested in my books - a point when I should be getting really excited but instead lose all interest. It's because I don't have a goal to write a book. I don't have a goal to write a book and get it published. No, I have a goal to write a best-selling novel on the order of Harry Potter, that's going to win me a movie deal, a sequel, make me world famous and earn me at least twenty-five million in revenue. Seriously, I have that written out.
So what happens if I get it published? It's suddenly beyond my control. Aside from marketing the heck out of it, I can't 'make' it a best-seller. I can't ensure a movie deal will happen. I might only ever make $25,000.00. Normally getting a book published and adding 25 grand to your bank account would be considered a 'win', but because my goals are so lofty (and I don't want to build my way up to best seller status over a series of books) that would be considered a massive failure. It would be heart-breaking.
Am I saying it's not possible to hit one out of the park on the first try at bat? No, of course it's possible. It happened to JK Rowling (Harry Potter) and Stephen King (Carrie) - although both had a long string of rejections first. God could manifast that. It could happen, certainly. But it's a control issue. At some point it's out of my control and into God's.
Nor would it happen. I am talented but that's still no excuse for not diligently perfecting my craft. I could and should be taking lessons, and writing day in and day out, working with other writers to perfect my craft. I have done all that at times but like everything in my life, there's no long term consistancy. Only consistancy up to the point where what I'm doing doesn't have to actually be tested and live up to the ridiculous goals I've set.
It's what we do consistantly that determine who we are.
I want quick success. I don't want to work eight years for it. It's true. Waiting eight years seems like an eternity to me. Truth is, I've wasted twenty bouncing from one (admitted great) idea to the next and never getting anywhere at all. If I'd seen this pattern ten years ago, I don't doubt I would be enjoying a very successful career right now.
Instead I keep setting multiple lofty goals, planning poorly, not knowing how to achieve those ridiculous goals, not working diligently to develop the long term skillsets I need and wasting time instead, feel bad, then feel the need to stuff those emotions of disappointment - wasting more time or instead I work diligently then losing interest just when I'm close to succeeding.
There are many other ways I procrastinate as well I'm learning.
I intellectualize every gawd-darn thing. I write passionately and easily but can't get two words out of my mouth without mental editting. I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or say the 'wrong' thing. So I procrastinate on what to say. Often this leads me to saying nothing and seeing aloof. Or I feel the need to 'add value' to whatever someone else is saying by putting my own (and better!) spin on it. I don't need to do that. I can just let someone have their moment.
I also rebel. I don't want to conform to other's expectations, even when not doing so (for the sake of not doing so) is counter-productive to me. It's more important to be 'right' than to be productive. In the end it's just another way to procrastinate and not have to test myself.
I never realized procrastination could take on so many forms and be so hidden in other acts. It's not surprising that others didn't identify it in me either but once I mention it, they do. Fact is, I have the lack of results to prove it. lol... sigh.
However this discovery is liberating. I now have a choice to not continue to follow those patterns. I can set smaller goals (that lead to the bigger one) and focus on the daily actions and habits that achieve those. I can talk from the heart and not the head. I can let my ego go and do what makes the best long term sense, whether that's doing something someone else's way, or my own. I can stop trying to mentally control every situation and just relax and be in the moment. In the now. Trusting my self and my higher power (holy spirit) to do the right thing without psychoanalyzing myself even moment of the day. I can take more pleasure in small accomplishments, knowing the compound interest of consistant small victories is what makes for a 'break-through', 'over-night' success. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be better than everyone else. I can simple work to be MY best and that alone would be exceptional.
If any of this has resonated with you, please check out Jeff Combs 'Confessions of a Recovering Procrastinator' series for yourself at : http://goldenmastermind.com/
A let me tell you, the truth hurts.
My wife has been listening to podcasts from Jeffery Combs of Golden Mastermind Training for our MLM business - Isagenix.
I've been catching some of them and one in particular resonated. Enough I signed up for his free series on the subject. That resonated even more so I ended up buying his whole program. Listening to him talk is like taking the worst tasting medicine in the word. It tastes so bad it makes you want to cry but you know it's good for you, so you take it and take some more, no matter how bitter it gets.
The startling truth I've been forced to confront is that I have suffered from chronic procrastination.
I say startling, because I have never identified myself as a procrastinator and neither has anyone else. I've asked my friends and family for honest feedback about my character defects many times, procrastination was never amoung the list of faults. To be honest, if it was, I'd have denied it. Look at all the books I've written (unpublished), all the blogs I've created (unprofitable), my MLM business (also unprofitable) plus I could point to a dozen other things. To be sure I've always kept myself busy - but rarely productive.
Jeff Combs says, and I agree, no one is a 'procrastinator'. We all procrastinate over isolated areas where we feel anxious over the outcome of completing a set course of action. Which is true. However some people have self defeating habits/traits and I have been one.
Jeff breaks procrastinators down into six personality types. Few people fit any one type exactly, most people have traits of several and I certainly fit into the latter.
I won't go into specifics for all but will touch on the ones that relate to me and have explain some of my own behaviour to me.
The 'Big Hat, No Cattle' type tends to make big plans, but fail to develop the necessary traits to fulfill those plans. They have a sense of entitlement, that they are so talented, that the world will see their ability and all their lofty goals will be achieved as a result. We look for a lot of short-cuts, not wanting to put in the long, (boring) work to achieve the goal, the way 'average' people do it. No we're better than that, more talented, smarter, more creative - so we think. We have something to prove, having come from homes where we felt the need to prove ourselves. Perhaps one or both parents rejected us, or we were made to feel we were never good enough somehow. Deep inside, we don't feel worthy. So we set impossible goals, have fuzzy plans, and when we fall short, it's okay because we have an even better idea and goal to work on.
In the end it's all a form of procrastinating.
Now I understand why I can get an agent interested in my books - a point when I should be getting really excited but instead lose all interest. It's because I don't have a goal to write a book. I don't have a goal to write a book and get it published. No, I have a goal to write a best-selling novel on the order of Harry Potter, that's going to win me a movie deal, a sequel, make me world famous and earn me at least twenty-five million in revenue. Seriously, I have that written out.
So what happens if I get it published? It's suddenly beyond my control. Aside from marketing the heck out of it, I can't 'make' it a best-seller. I can't ensure a movie deal will happen. I might only ever make $25,000.00. Normally getting a book published and adding 25 grand to your bank account would be considered a 'win', but because my goals are so lofty (and I don't want to build my way up to best seller status over a series of books) that would be considered a massive failure. It would be heart-breaking.
Am I saying it's not possible to hit one out of the park on the first try at bat? No, of course it's possible. It happened to JK Rowling (Harry Potter) and Stephen King (Carrie) - although both had a long string of rejections first. God could manifast that. It could happen, certainly. But it's a control issue. At some point it's out of my control and into God's.
Nor would it happen. I am talented but that's still no excuse for not diligently perfecting my craft. I could and should be taking lessons, and writing day in and day out, working with other writers to perfect my craft. I have done all that at times but like everything in my life, there's no long term consistancy. Only consistancy up to the point where what I'm doing doesn't have to actually be tested and live up to the ridiculous goals I've set.
It's what we do consistantly that determine who we are.
I want quick success. I don't want to work eight years for it. It's true. Waiting eight years seems like an eternity to me. Truth is, I've wasted twenty bouncing from one (admitted great) idea to the next and never getting anywhere at all. If I'd seen this pattern ten years ago, I don't doubt I would be enjoying a very successful career right now.
Instead I keep setting multiple lofty goals, planning poorly, not knowing how to achieve those ridiculous goals, not working diligently to develop the long term skillsets I need and wasting time instead, feel bad, then feel the need to stuff those emotions of disappointment - wasting more time or instead I work diligently then losing interest just when I'm close to succeeding.
There are many other ways I procrastinate as well I'm learning.
I intellectualize every gawd-darn thing. I write passionately and easily but can't get two words out of my mouth without mental editting. I'm afraid I'll sound stupid or say the 'wrong' thing. So I procrastinate on what to say. Often this leads me to saying nothing and seeing aloof. Or I feel the need to 'add value' to whatever someone else is saying by putting my own (and better!) spin on it. I don't need to do that. I can just let someone have their moment.
I also rebel. I don't want to conform to other's expectations, even when not doing so (for the sake of not doing so) is counter-productive to me. It's more important to be 'right' than to be productive. In the end it's just another way to procrastinate and not have to test myself.
I never realized procrastination could take on so many forms and be so hidden in other acts. It's not surprising that others didn't identify it in me either but once I mention it, they do. Fact is, I have the lack of results to prove it. lol... sigh.
However this discovery is liberating. I now have a choice to not continue to follow those patterns. I can set smaller goals (that lead to the bigger one) and focus on the daily actions and habits that achieve those. I can talk from the heart and not the head. I can let my ego go and do what makes the best long term sense, whether that's doing something someone else's way, or my own. I can stop trying to mentally control every situation and just relax and be in the moment. In the now. Trusting my self and my higher power (holy spirit) to do the right thing without psychoanalyzing myself even moment of the day. I can take more pleasure in small accomplishments, knowing the compound interest of consistant small victories is what makes for a 'break-through', 'over-night' success. I don't have to be perfect. I don't have to be better than everyone else. I can simple work to be MY best and that alone would be exceptional.
If any of this has resonated with you, please check out Jeff Combs 'Confessions of a Recovering Procrastinator' series for yourself at : http://goldenmastermind.com/
